Welcome back! And we’re outta here! How many of those could you pull off before everyone got fed up with that? So, everyone’s back after the long Thanksgiving holiday. Dingo is busy at the news desk, prepping some UFC news for the show. Andrew The Giant is busy in the greenroom, eating food after raping and pillaging over the the holidays. Continue reading
Welcome to Wednesday, welcome to this thing, and it is indeed a thing. Lets put you in the right mood before we start. First off, I’m willing to bet most of you reading this are not currently menstruating. How am I doing so far? Good. Secondly, I’m willing to bet most of you reading this are not currently married to Wilson. Am I right? Good. Finally, I’m willing to bet most of you reading this are not currently still reading this. I knew it! Okay, now we’re ready to begin. Ellis learned something new today, he be all like “oooooooohhh” instead of just being like “yeeeeeaaaaaahhhh” and that’s going to change the face of your face and the button bar’s face. Some caller said he rolled his car while listening to the show, a couple of tense moments as we didn’t hear from the caller – we all thought he was dead, but then a miracle happened! He remembered he called into the show and then he spoke! AMAZING! SCIENCE! WIENERS! Dingo’s not here today, but he kind of is because he knows what everybody is doing at all times. Tully went to have drinks last night with an old pal, after three drinks he began to question what the fuck he was doing – I call it having a good time. ~Kid Rock He doesn’t know what else to do when just hanging out. He refuses to meet anyone for a coffee after dark, which I fully agree with, that’s a negative Ghostrider. Tully might have also cracked a mystery puzzling the entire world, Ryan Seacrest may indeed be gay. Ellis had a meeting last night with a production company about TV shows, I assume TV shows he’ll never be given a chance to be in, even if they are his own. They talked about the idea of Ellis Mini-Moto Mania, mixed with a TUF style elimination set of rounds. So now that’s the show they’re going to pitch and Tully will now be a part of since he thought of the good part.
You know Nelson Mandela died, right? Yeah, well, some dude pretending to use sign language during the memorial was there. Not doing anything even remotely close to sign language. This guy is basically going around trolling services with his fake sign language, and for that, I salute you Mr. Big Fat Phony Sign Languager Guy. Tully’s had enough being condemned to a chair by the man, he tested out his idea of pacing around the studio while talking. Manny Pacquiáo might be broke as shit, which would make sense because he’s a Filipino and as we all saw from that typhoon, the entire country lives in metal shacks. While waiting for some big wieners and some hot buns, they killed some time by handing out a few Wolfknives names to new members. To properly do this, Ellis joined Tully in pacing around the studio, which I supported by pacing around my office while writing this – thank you technology and legs and you too feet! Metallica became the first band in the history of the world to play on every continent on Earth, even Antarctica.
Finally. WIENERS! Angie Stevenson, her sister, and one of her hot friends came in bearing gifts, the gift of wieners. She runs a wiener truck that makes the claim “The biggest wieners and the hottest buns” so we shall see if they live up to the hype. You may also remember her from the Taintstick video Apple Juice, or maybe you know her from her porn days as Angie Savage – you dirty little masturbator. Side note, Ellis has boinked Angie, allegedly of course. She says they’re trying to make it wholesome brand, which I suppose shaking your tits and ass at sixteen-year-old and overloading on the sexual innuendos could be considered wholesome. This is ‘MURICA, damn it! So without further
tits ado, the guys had the wiener girls and wiener boy (Wilson) help make an intro for the show. It was a little painful to hear one of the chicks try to stammer out words, but Wilson’s bits really smoothed out the rough edges, especially his German gaping voice. Then we went to break so everyone could fill their wholes with some meaty wieners and relish in the deliciousness of a premium tube of meat by products.
We came back with some news about a drunk driver whose lawyer successfully got his client off. To something. I don’t know. Christian Hand is in studio, which makes sense because it gave him a chance to run into hot chicks. But he also has some Grammy nominations, none of which include Death! Death! Die! So who is up for a Grammy this year? I don’t fuckin’ care, go check it out for yourself, ya lazy fucker! I will tell you this though, it’s no wonder I don’t give a shit about the Grammy’s, because every track they played (with the except of a few) was fucking terrible. I don’t know why people listen to this shit, much less vote on it. Also, Tully has an inner eleven-year-old girl inside of him. Hey, some church members were actin’ a fool, if you can believe that. Who could play Ozzy in a movie about Ozzy / Black Sabbath? Mel Gibson? Glenn Danzig? Bert McCracken? Kelly Osbourne? Who knows.
An Australian fisherman was fishing, as you’d expect, he dropped his beer in the river, fished it out and drank it. Yeah, he got sick as fuck with a large mass of shit protruding from his stomach. He had surgery to have it removed, which left him with an even larger bulging stomach, so another surgery was done. Guess what? That bulging stomach shit came back, he had surgery again and it just keeps coming back. Ah, that’s a piss’a mate. Remember how Dingo was pissed off at that hack Beacher from Beacher’s Madhouse? Turns out he snubbed the Dings when Miley invited him into the club, the Dinger wasn’t allowed in, mate. That’s cause for war in La La Land. Black people are jealous of white people because tattoo colors show up better are us crackers. White people are jealous of black people because they’re better at damn near every sport and they just tend to look way cooler no matter what they’re wearing. Did you know Shoebox pulled a Church of Haden when he saved a man’s life, choking on a chicken bone, by giving him the Heimlich maneuver? Nobody knew, because hero’s don’t go around flaunting their heroics. Sounds like Death! Death! Die! playing at a club after the AVN’s might not happen because of shady motherfuckers who are all shady and shit, but nothing is 100% yet. And that, my friends, is today’s show and today’s wienercap. A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks, “Why the long face?” The horse accidentally runs into a few things, shits on the floor, and then leaves. OH!
Hey mother fuckers, news flash, the world didn’t end and its Friday! But some people thing that the world might end today, but fuck those fucks, they don’t know nothing about nothing. Ellis is finally off Stars2 because they keep fucking up his replays. I guess the suits in New York are paying attention. There will not be any replays for a little while but in time they will figure out if Ellis will get his own channel or if they will just play the replays on Faction41. This, however, might be a sign that the four horsemen have arrived and apparently Tully is one of the responsible parties for their arrival. Bently is in the Swinghouse today looking hot, still modeling a little, and is now an event coordinator so she won’t have to suck old man balls. The Texas DJ, Billy Madison, was brought up again today and they talked about some of the bits that he does on his show. Like Vagina Funerals, Crazy Things You See At Work, Honk If Your Horny, Am I A Slut If, and many other favorites that you can hear originally on The Jason Ellis Show.
The guys did a gift exchange, you know the usual gifts, smokes, chocolate, kangaroo meat, a book about The Smiths. aussie kid has poisonous snake eggs, roo invades house, want to watch a video where a drunk Aussie falls through a fence? Or a video of an Aussie getting interviewed after a sex shop caught on fire? Is this Aussies dumbest Hoon? What the fuck is a Hoon? This would be the video of the Aussie that got drunk and tried to ride a croc, but all the videos that I found suck, so fuck that. Nashville isn’t just country music and inter-family relations, its a nice place to visit, and Texas is a place where men are men and sheep are scared! Some lady was the victim of the poo sock attacker on train and I laughed when I heard this so I get a special seat in Hell. American sports have too many commercials, according to everyone. And speaking of everyone, this segment has been brought to you by Verizon Wireless, can you hear me now? In case you haven’t figured it out by now, the ladies love a clean smooth hair free ass. People shouldn’t have to keep calling in to ask Ellis how to shave their intimate parts, but if you ask me, I always use Gillette Fusion Proglide, for against the grain closeness with comfort. A girl called in and said that she liked to be choked but she needed to teach her boyfriend how to choke her properly and without that weird “I wanna kill you” vibe. How to choke a bitch has been brought to by The Home Depot. Because we have shovels, and that hole ain’t gonna dig itself.
In today’s Hollywood News, Kat Williams is gettin heat for being a pimp, Lohan didn’t want to kiss crack faced Charlie Sheen, Madonna yelled at some smokers at her concert and then threatened to cancel the show, Kelly Osbourn is hot, some magazine is looking for pictures of Lohan in Pennsylvania, Devito still trying to get Pearlman back, a bunch of famous people thanked Obama for being cool about weed, Arnold’s hair resembles that of Hitler’s, and all of this has been brought to you by Instagram, because your pictures are our pictures and we don’t give a fuck what you say about it. After Hollywood News they did, Get The Cock Off Your Chest end of the world holiday edition. There were a lot of people looking to clear their conscious of their dirty little deeds and the segment was very entertaining. Get The Cock Off Your Chest was also sponsored by KY Jelly, getting cocks off since 1904.
Final calls time. During Final Calls they talked about football, chubby truckers, shout out to the veterans, roses, Cullen, Cullen’s fat baby, a slippery slope of death, Jerry Springer, a self racist black man, Master of Puppets, Uncle Jesse from Atlanta, merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, stinky dinky and wrinkle poles, the fucktard of the year, fuck Tully, Canada, and Jingle balls.
This is the last recap of 2012 and those of us here at NoYouAre would like to wish you a safe and happy Christmas, Hanukkah, or what ever the fuck else it is you do to get drunk in December. We would also like to thank yer mum, her prices are fair and she always helps pay for the Penicillin, OH!