Show Recap for Thursday 1/9/2014

Fucking SiriusXM app. Try again. Fucking shit. Check password. God Damn It To Fucking Hell You Shitball Fucking App! Check twitter. Fuck. Are you serious? Fuck!! Damnshitfuck!! Check app. Check twitter. Check app. Repeat ad nauseum for one hour.

Yeah, that’s how the show began for me, so, if you are one of the many listeners who experienced the same thing and were coming here to find out what you missed…I’d apologize if I weren’t still pissed off. And why am I still pissed off? Because the app imploded toward the end of the show as well and left me high and fucking dry. Of course. Oh, except for the last six minutes. It came back to life for the last six minutes. Because, why not?

Our good friend Jude is in the studio by the time my app decided to start working and for a while I was genuinely soothed by the dulcet tones of his voice because I’m a girl and he’s a guy with a sexy voice and Hubbs wasn’t around to talk to me with his similarly fucking amazing brown sugar butter voice. I came in right smack in the middle of a conversation that I’m not sure I really wanted to know all that much about where Cumtard was talking about drinking a blood blister and Ellis’s headphones kept cutting out. Tully doesn’t think that it would be too bad to suck the juice out of a blood blister if he was getting a blowjob at the same time, but Ellis thinks that it would be better if he drank bloody blister juice before or after receiving a blowjob as to not taint the deed itself. Jude agrees with Ellis more than Tully, though he probably wouldn’t do blood blister sucking at all because he is super not into bodily fluids, and would rather just get the blowjob or have sex. Which turns ironic when Cumtard brings up a story from Jude’s new book Hyena. And yeah…that is the link to go buy it off of Amazon, because you should. Anyway…let me do this up right:

*Cue the epic movie background music*
Much like today, when Jude was a young boy of about 18 or 19 he enjoyed getting laid. At this particular time in his life the object of his affections was a youthful lady moved to the city who banged a lot of black dudes because those are kind of a novelty when you move to the city from SmallTown America. After some vociferous lovemaking on her part, she became pregnant with an unwanted love child and Jude valiantly agreed to be the one to take the young lass to the abortion clinic. Jude, being well versed in life on the mean streets of a big city was familiar with the abortion process, despite his rather young age, and knew that this sweet, young piece of ass would be out of commission for a few weeks following the procedure and the morning of, decided that he would try to get one last sac romp in. As the maiden was not quite in the mood to make the beast with two backs Jude employed all of the tricks in his book in order to get her to consent to being pounded, finally settling on eating her out, as she had been doing black guys and they don’t eat pussy. Apparently. Anyway *cue the rise in dramatic music* Jude sets to work and notices that something is not tasting not quite right. In fact, it tastes like pennies and fish, but he powers through it because he really wants to get laid. Like really. And sometimes you just have to power through that shit. But the taste continues, in fact, it gets worse, so he decides to get on to the pounding (albeit somewhat distracted by remnants of the taste in his beard). Jude takes the girl to the clinic and five minutes after walking in, she comes back out- not because she has decided to keep the baby….but because *throw some drums in there movie music guy…and maybe some horns and cymbals* she had a miscarriage. Bumbumbum BA-DUM!!!!!! If you can’t make the leap…Jude ate miscarried baby goop out of some bitch’s cookie back in the day. Yeah. He did. No wonder he isn’t a fan of bodily fluids. How did the relationship go after that and the utterly silent half hour car ride home? Let’s just say that there’s really no coming back from eating miscarriage product straight from the source…but he still got to drive her car. *Fade to black*

You’re welcome.

Next up on The Jason Ellis Show, Ellis wants to talk about how if he can’t have his own Jason Ellis channel he will overtake Faction to the point where it’s The Jason Ellis Show Channel anyway. What does this mean? He wants the fans of the show and listeners of Faction to really be heard about the music that gets played on Faction and to get the shit music off of the station and sent into the abyss of being played on some other SiriusXM channel. How can this happen? Well, one thing that can be done is for listeners to go here and sign up to be on the Faction Board of Directors where you fill out surveys about the music that gets played on the channel. This, rather simple topic spirals into a lengthy debate/discussion between Ellis, Will, and Tully about Ellis talking about it on the radio and possibly influencing or ‘tainting’ the results of the survey. The gist? Will says that Ellis has a lot of influence and that if he says to listeners “go and vote to get Beck taken off of Faction rotations” that we mindless automatons will go and vote and get Beck taken off of Faction. Which, really isn’t a bad thing, but I guess Will is more afraid of an “insert name of marginally popular band in place of Beck” proclamation of abhorrent suckiness that will get an okay or even more than okay band or song kicked out of the rotation because we are mindless and Ellis says so. What Will wants, what Ellis and Tully want, is for the listeners of Faction to be as happy about the music played on Faction as possible. Obviously there is no making everyone happy about everything all of the time, but, as close as possible is what they’re all aiming for. Calls on the subject are taken. People love 311, people hate 311, everyone hates Beck, someone makes a restaurant analogy that doesn’t quite make sense to me, and a mindless automaton calls (which probably shook Wilson to the bone). Talking about the music played on air, while on the air, qualifies as the worst torture imaginable for Will so Tully and Ellis play some songs that are currently played on the station and pass their judgement in as non-influential way possible.

Back from the break Ellis and Tully are joined in the studio by Jim Florentine and…nope…just him for now cause the other guy is dropping a deuce. Jim Florentine has a really hot wife who Ellis still can’t believe is married to him because she can do so much better as she is smart, beautiful, and really put together and Jim Florentine is…Jim Florentine. Don Jamieson (the guy who just took a shit) joins the party and they talk about how sometimes it’s better if you’re with a woman who’s taste doesn’t run too similar to yours because then you aren’t surprised when shit that you like she hates and vice versa. Tully points out that if you both like metal, then you probably don’t both like the same kind of metal, and if you’re girl says she doesn’t like the new Sabbath even though she likes metal well, then, she just has to die. And that’s messy. And no one wants that. It would be much easier if she liked country and you knew she didn’t like it because she doesn’t effing understand it anyway. Ellis asks Jamieson about himself because he already knows Florentine and apparently Don Jamieson is a guy from Jersey who makes dick jokes that owns 6 guitars and can’t play them. But really, they are on the show because they are comedians with a show on VH1 called That Metal Show and they are funny ass fucks who love metal. They talk a lot about getting laid, how the pickup line “Hey, do you want to sit on my face?” still works (with an apparent 1/10 girl odds in a college bar, in case you were wondering), and farts. I really wasn’t surprised about the pickup line story because the guy I’ve been with for the past 3 or 4 years or whatever got me with the fabulous pick-up “I want to hump your face” because I’m the bitch who says back, “that’s because I have a very humpable face” with the story ending in a hotel room at dawn after no sleep and lots of face humping and other activities. True Story.

Back to Ellis (because no, I’m not trying to create fun and interesting filler to fill the void created in this recap and my life by the SiriusXM app. Not. Notnotnot.) Jim Florentine has never seen the hole of his own ass, or the hole of his wife’s ass. He is more disappointed about one than the other. Apparently his wife is not in to butt play. Which is all fine and good, to each his own, yaddayadda, but I still think it’s weird that he hasn’t at least seen it. I mean…it’s right there! It isn’t really a surprise that she hasn’t seen the hole of his ass considering how much gas comes out of it as Jim and Don are very vocal about their years of fart-based antics. Ellis thinks that their fart stories are gross…but they are also really amazing. I mean…these guys almost downed a plane with their ass-gas, they cleared out a Slipknot after party in a bar at Madison Square Garden that is remembered by Corey Taylor TO THIS DAY, and made Axle Rose’s sister think that the venue they were in was under a terrorist attack. With ass gas. Benji Madden (who wandered into the studio at some point) is duly impressed with their fart stories. But Florentine brings up how he still holds out hope that his wife will eat his ass. Don Jamieson shoots him down saying that once she knows what comes out of there she will never do it, and tells Ellis and Tully that his girlfriend refused to toss his salad after they moved in together and he used the bathroom saying, “Never again.” And, maybe I’m gross (in my notebook approximately every other sentence while taking notes on this is ‘does this mean I’m gross’) because I’ve been with Hubbs for years, I’m well aware at what his butt is capable of, and…yeah, I still do it. So, in case you were wondering…I might be gross. Although…I am also very aware of his bathing habits sooooo…maybe I’m only a little gross? Whatever. It’s fun.

Still talking about farts and the powers of their asses, Ellis asks them what their Instagram handles are, because he wants to see this shit on Instagram. But…they don’t have Instagram!!!!!!! Benji, Tully, and Ellis then break down for them exactly why they should have the popular app, why in fact as entertainers it is kind of their job to have the app, and though Jim Florentine comes out firmly against Instagram in the beginning of the conversation, Benji seems to have him convinced by the end. So…look forward to that folks!!!!!

Up after the break- Bert McCracken and Christian Hand and a new single from Death!Death!Die!

Except then SiriusXM sucks dick and my app shit the fuck out again. Yeah..I know. Fuck me. I tried and tried and tried and finally got back in for the last 6 minutes of the show and listened to some final calls which I didn’t really hear through the hatred screaming in my mind for SiriusXM and their app. I turned to Twitter for help and was told that Bert talked about life in Australia and was awesome (because Duh) and Cumtard is super against the idea of a chick playing around his bum-hole. I heard the tail (ha) end of this and he’ll take a dildo up the butt for the cool amount of $10,000 cash. That’s a pretty high price. In case you don’t know, and are reading this for some reason Mr. Kraft, the anus has a million more nerve endings than the head of your dick so having a dildo up there probs feels pretty fantastical for you. I mean, as a girl, I think it feels like stars bursting into magic. Start small- a pinkie, a tongue, anything…go read my blog, convince yourself. It’s phenomenal. Don’t knock it til you try it. I did hear Adam do his closing, but he didn’t really help my situation…gee thanks guy…and that’s where this all sort of ends. Sorry if you are disappointed. Feel free to hate at me @jennimazky on twitter. Maybe I’ll post pics of my boobs in penance. I dunno. I’m pretty disappointed in myself. Even if it isn’t completely my fault. But that sounds like a bullshit lame excuse.

Things we learned on the Jason Ellis Show today:

Jude ate a black kid

My Blood plays on Liquid Metal

Will is chippy these days

Rude Jude wants to play music picks on the show

It doesn’t get awkward anymore…no one cares

Dropkick Murphy’s are too good for Ellis to be able to convince his fandom that they are bad

Tully likes Vampire Weekend

Wax sounds like the band

David Blaine is better than Criss Angel, but he’s still a kook

If Tully and Ellis can agree on one thing….it’s Praise the Lord

Funny people can get laid

Jim Florentine would take a blowjob from a sheet with a mouth hole, but would prefer an ugly girl, cause she would try harder

Ellis got 4 blowjobs last night and came 3 1/2 times

Fart jokes will always be funny

Benji Madden is awesome

If you’re going to be in the game, then you have to play the fucking game

Go to


***again…I’m sorry about this…I know this wasn’t the recap that you were looking for…and I don’t have the right droids either. Gripe to me on twitter. Don’t hold it against me too long. Love you guys!!!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 1/23/2013

Fucking Yamaha, I knew it!

Fucking Yamaha, I knew it!

What else would The Wing wanna do on a Wednesday, but ride a bull and be a cowboy.  Oh, and of course shout out to the man, the myth, the ledge Chad Reed…who’s currently in 3rd place overall, just ahead of TotoMotoPoto and Dungey.  Of course its gotta be due to his sabotage tactics, reminiscent of the Cold War or any 80’s movie.  He better have that shit handy if he ever faces Spider Man at next year’s A-1, that dudes got skills.  Death! Death! Die! got skills too, and laid down a fresh track last night, didn’t get to hear it yet, but were all wet with anticipation!  Of course the real task was reading Shoebox’s graffiti lyric sheet.  That reminds me, FUCK Revolver Magazine, and the Dallas Cowboys while were at it!  Just please never trust an awards show, or a Canadian who lives in -41 degree weather, again!  That goes for Beyonce too, stupid Milli Vanilli acting bitch.  Also, don’t trust anyone who owns an automatic weapon, but isn’t cool with them being banned or controlled, or some sketchy shit like that.  More gun talk, and some video of a dude who says kids won’t be allowed to own turtles if we ban assault rifles, but I couldn’t find it and it wasn’t that riveting.



Happy BDay Tully's Mom!

Happy BDay Tully’s Mom!

Hollywood News is always riveting, and so is Johnny Deep’s ex girl friend, who’s fucking some new chic, yup!  Arnold is more interested in fucking his old chic, lizard lips.  Speaking of Arnold, turns out Rawdog saw The Last Stand recently, and said it was damn good despite his gut going into the movie, and that it was only like 10th ranked after its opening weekend in box office sales.  What was #1?  Your Mama, seriously it was.  Of course none of those are a match for The Jew Box.  Ellis gave us a in depth recap of this masterpiece, starring Matisyahu, and whoever else is in the fucking movie.  Sounded good to me, especially the ‘Jew Buzzer’ scene, so be sure to get it up ya!  Do you know the difference between a Jew and a canoe?  Snoop Lion doesn’t know the first thing about being a Rasta, or so says Bunny Wailer.  Lindsay Lohan doesn’t know the first thing about a lot of things, plus she ain’t selling out either.  Adele isn’t selling out her kid or his name, shes just too stupid to pull it off is all.  Shia LaBeouf ain’t selling or sharing any of the shit he scored on the set of his next movie.  And last but certainly not least, please don’t follow @jew_box on twitter, dude called the show and its pretty fucking creepy.


A.K.A. EllisMate beating that pussy up yo!

A.K.A. EllisMate beating that pussy up yo!

Check this muthafucker here out, naked on a roof, jumps off roof, breaks into home, jerks it on rug, shits on sidewalk, rubs himself over kids clothes n shit, oh and it took place in Florida!  Jim Florentine took his place in Florida, after being 18 and laid only twice, he nailed a smoking hot chic first day in Florida.  He stayed for 2 years!  So what’s Jim been up to these days, who the fuck knows as he and Tully just spent the next hour comparing Ellismate’s sexual adventures lately, to hall of fame baseball careers such as Ted Williams, Randy “Big Unit” Johnson, and of course knuckleballer R.A. Dickey (Who has a long way to go to the HOF – just saying).  From 3-2 counts to inside-the-park home runs, Florentine and Tully fucking lost me on this one, but hilarious none the less.  Apparently Jim’s also big into asking his buddies for advice on the best moves to put on their ex hook ups.  Hey man, if you know a trick she loves, hook me up with that info homie.  And if you know a chic who’s cool with you shitting out a nugget, while having sex, I don’t fucking believe you for one second!  Of course Jim wasn’t here to talk about that, though you could have fooled me, instead he will take part in the Roast of Dee Snider, tomorrow night at 9pm ET on  But enough about Jim, whats Ellis been up to?  How about shoving 18 gauge needles in his ass and getting fake Canadian birth certificates, Red Dragons to you my friend.


Find out on TJES!

Find out on TJES!

We found out Rawdog ain’t alone in his love of large areolas.  One Jim Florentine gave our furry friend the nod of approval when hearing the news.  Does that mean Robin Quivers has huge nip nips?  One can only dream….about this nasty bitch from Boston, who beats her man for fa’ting in the bed, the nod, while singing her smash hit with Ellismate, “Ha’d to Fa’t” – which was lame, but no where near as creepy as WesleyPipes-tallica.  Dick dog just wasn’t made for that riff, but the Ellis show is made for Jew jokes, needle talk, areolas and of course, shitting out nuggets while fucking some broad….or selling a BMW too, that’s kinda gnarly.  Jew Joke:  This kid asks his dad for fifty bucks, so the Jewish dad says “Forty bucks, what do you need Thirty bucks for?”   If that didn’t sell you on listening tomorrow On Demand, then how about inverted nipples, hairy nipples, and of course skittles popping out of nipples.  No, then its gotta be the baseball/Ellis sex life that has you intrigued.  For me, I personally am a huge fan of the Jew jokes, including my favorite joke about your mom…..she’s a Jew…..a ‘Load Jew’, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 3/9/2012

It’s Friday, why are you giving a fuck (or a fart)? Oh, you’re not? That’s excellent news! Guess who else wasn’t giving a fuck today? Ellis. He was late for this, the final Friday morning show, apparently when the guys tried calling him it would go straight to voicemail. Turns out neither of his alarms went off so he overslept. Oddly, it used to be Tully who was always running late, my how the tables have turned. So for the first part of today, we got the RawTully Center Show, which wasn’t bad at all, actually it was entertaining – I don’t think those guys give themselves enough credit when it comes to filling in on the show. It was also revealed that Tully’s middle name is Leonard! How fantastic is that? I can’t help but think of when @oxycottonjohn called in, “Yea, this is Leonard and I like to go muddin”. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that line.

Tully unveiled his brand new segment today, “Women, Am I Right?” after reading a story that Bin Laden may have been betrayed by his jealous “other” wife. We all know women are inferior, wretched creatures that are not to be trusted so this segment should have plenty of material at its disposal. Disclaimer: It’s a joke ladies. Don Squartz jumped from a hot air balloon while on the radio – that sounded uh… fast or something. As you know, South African Don is a racist, he hired a bunch of blicks to cushion his fall after jumping from like 2200 feet or some crazy shit.

Jim Florentine came on the show and Ellis re-shared all the relatively recent developments in his life. Learning his father molested him, getting a divorce, drinking, and all those things he’s currently coping with. It’s amazing to hear it all and you can tell it still hurts him. I suppose it helps him to talk about it, but it is surprising someone could be so open to tell all this to the radio universe. Florentine had his own stories, such as at the age of fourteen, kissing a wrestling photographer on the cheeks for wrestling pictures. Fucking creepy people are out there in this world, we all know this, but it’s always surprising to hear.

BOOM! Done. See how I did that? Got in, did my shit and then got out. Exactly how your mom is treated, sexually I mean. What I’m saying is, a lot of individuals see your mom, fuck her and finish, and then leave. OH?

Comedian Week! – 10/31-11/4/11

It’s Comedian Week on and kicking it off for Monday are two of the best, Nick Swardson and Bill Burr. Both in their first appearances and coming in only days apart. Enjoy!

Nick Swardson with Mayhem – 12/23/10

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Bill Burr – 12/20/10

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For Tuesday we’re going back to 2009 with appearances by former show regular Joe Rogan and New Jersey native Rich Vos.

Joe Rogan sits in on Dude, Am I a Slut – 4/29/09

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Rich Vos – 12/9/09

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On to Day 3 and we have what I believe is the first appearances of master crank caller Jim Florentine and big man Ralphie May.

Jim Florentine – 2/2/10

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Ralphie May with Mayhem – 11/29/10

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On January 21st, 2011 The Jason Ellis Show showcased two comedians. The seasoned Charlie Murphy and Steve-O, who was at the beginning of his stand-up career. Enjoy!

Charlie Murphy

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Steve-O with Donald Schultz in studio…and yes, animals were involved!

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Highlighted for the last day of Comedian Week is #Ellisfam favorite Colin Kane and one of the more notorious J.Ellis interviewees, “The Pitbull of Comedy” Bobby Slayton.

Colin Kane – 6/8/11

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Bobby Slayton – 5/3/11

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