Show Re-cap For Friday 8/17/2012

Remember this guy?

Welcome to Friday’s show re-cap! Yo Ease let’s do this… I am a nightmare walking, psychopath talking, king of my jungle just a gangsta’ stalkin’… Wait. Sorry, this isn’t A Tribute To Ice-T’s Colors is it? NO! It’s not! We’re all getting older, time is flying, and some people fuck holes in the ground. Jizzy, jizzy on the wall, which Disney Princess has the biggest tits of them all? An overwhelming majority say Pocahontas. TMZ caught THC, Ellis, and Pendarvis leaving the studio. TMZ wanted to ask THC about his life saving heroism that he mentioned on TJES, but he didn’t want to talk to them about it – which means that you, the listener, got to hear that story exclusively on TJES! We all good on the acronyms?

Oh the things Gabby could show you!

Rawdog’s super hot, sexy as hell, totally fingerable, absolutely fuckable, sister Gabby was on the show today – and so was @OGEverlast, who’s turning 43 tomorrow and just found out he’s having another baby. Get this shit, there’s a real possibility that the Richmond siblings might all be snowballers! Gabby, along with Everlast (and the rest of the world) were floored to hear Rawdog got snowballed, when asked if she did that to her boyfriend, Gabby kind of clammed up and was clearly uncomfortable. I assume probably more because she’s hearing talk about her brother, his load, and him eating his load. That has to be one of the most awkward conversations to have with your brother and/or sister in the room.

Sup bitches!

Donald Schultz had super massive news today, he called in from Switzerland, piss drunk and slurring his words like a motherfucker – to tell us that the huge news is that he’s jumping off some big ass cliff that nobody else has ever jumped off of. Also, having two friends die is better than having three friends die. Next up, listeners got to call in with their favorite Rawdog stories, you know, so Gabby knows just a little bit more about her big brother. If you have been keeping score, she’s learned her brother: Got snowballed, got jacked off by 3 porn stars and ended up finishing by himself in a Popeye’s bathroom, he boned Sparky 2 times with the same rubber, his lost car at Coachella story, and how he washes his ass in the shower.

It’s true.

Listeners also go a treat as we got to hear “Doing Stuff with Gabby”, where she tried to explain how to tap a keg, change a flat bike tire, unload a boat off a trailer into a lake, how to start a gas grill, and how to get rid of a raccoon in your home. There were a couple more, but fuck it – it’s Friday and I don’t give a shit. Ellis will be working hard tonight and tomorrow, slapping porn stars, amongst other things, and recording it with a high speed camera. I don’t care if you film it in HD, high speed, a shaky camcorder, a phone, or a goddamned 8mm projector – hot naked bitches are awesome no matter what. Your mom was filmed in HD once, it was when NASA accidentally landed the Curiosity rover on her fat ass instead of Mars. OH!

Jersey Mike Song Parodies

If you’re not familiar, 中Jersey Mike中 (@jerseymike334) made quite a few parody songs for TJES, most (if not all) have been featured on the show – some are still in use on the show to this day. And he was kind enough to send them over to us so we could share them with the rest of you! Enjoy, this guy made some legendary shit – show him some love!

Show Re-cap For Monday 3/5/2012

It’s just another manic Monday, I wish it was Sunday, fuck that – no I don’t. Sunday’s suck just as bad as Mondays. The Bangles were fuckin’ dumb as shit, man. What I really just want to get across to you here is that it is Monday. So, sounds like Tully has invented something for babies, he’s even got a lawyer involved. He hasn’t eluded to what it is exactly and it doesn’t sound like he’s going to, at least anytime soon. Best of luck to him and his invention as well as his love for chucking spears.

It’s @DanOD5‘s birthday today, he’s 12 now! And Kirk Cameron is fucktarded. Rawdog went on another date and also has a setup for a different date and it sounds like this date might be about a threesome! Or it could be about Rawdog banging this chick while her other guy friend sits in the corner, sweating profusely and masturbating. She mentions something about “it would help if you were into polyamorous relationships”, and apparently she hooks up with another dude who also has online dating profile. So the suggested date includes her, the hookup guy, and Rawdog. I think they may want to treat him as a sex doll.

Dammit JimThe Backbone (@CullenSaidThis) interviewed George Takei today and asked him if and when he was going on The Jason Ellis Show. He was incredibly creepy with his voice and flirting towards Ellis, saying he can’t wait for their “m-e-a-t-i-n-g”. Wow. He also say’s he working on his jealous husband to allow him to go on the show. Moving on, the guys were asking for some suggestions for possible guests on the show. A lot of good ideas came up, some more likely than others, but good none the less. Hopefully something works out on that front.

The show went back to Rawdog and his father’s speech impediment. Rawdog completely denies that he or his dad has a speech problem, but it seems most everyone else in the world hears it, except him. In frustration, Rawdog had his sister Gabby call in to listen to the clips of the Dogfather saying certain words where he clearly is mispronouncing them. Instead of Gabby admitting that any of them have speech issues, she says, “You know both my brothers have a learning disability” I fucking cried laughing for several minutes while Rawdog was dumbfounded at what his sister just said. It was so fucking epic, maybe even just slightly more epic than how your mom looks getting an angry dragon. OH!

Mayhem Mondays! – June 2010 (History)

The boys are off for Presidents Day and there is another “Best of” show. Boring!

It’s Monday, Jason “Mayhem” Miller will be returning to the UFC on May 26th, and he just tweeted to J.Ellis that he wants to come back on the show. So, let’s celebrate by winding the clock back to June of 2010. Mayhem stopped in for every Monday that month (I think that’s the only month he ever accomplished that). It was, in my opinion, the peak of “Mayhem Mondays”.

Mayhem’s long awaited return after trashing the Ellis’ Beverly Hills home, they prank a phone solicitor, a buzzed Oxy John calls in, and Gay Ray & Mayhem have gay phone sex – 6/7/2010

Download (link to MP3)

Bonus: Want the background to the Mayhem sex party? – Mayhem Sex Party In The Ellis’ House – The Complete Story (History)

Mayhem arrives unannounced after J.Ellis “tongue fucks” Rawdog for losing a UFC bet, more Oxy John, and the history of Mayhem vs. GSP – 6/14/2010

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J.Ellis is late and Mayhem starts the show, Steven Seagal & Anderson Silva training video, religion, jobs, and go kart racing – 6/21/2010

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The beehive holocaust, Mayhem lost his brand new iPhone 4, Chris Brown, Ashley Fiolek, Fedor, the 1st MMA death – 6/28/2010

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