Download (link to MP3)
Bonus: Blanco Basura at Ellis Mini Mania 4-27-11
Download (link to MP3)
Bonus: Blanco Basura at Ellis Mini Mania 4-27-11
Welcome back to the AIDS free Friday recap! This is the third day without Internet, if it’s not fixed there won’t be a show Monday according to the Wing. The interns can’t make a proper smoothie so the Onit guy is gonna make a video to show these man babies how to do it correctly. Are you good enough for the Tully challenge? You need to find a legit mental age quiz before the interns, you win nothing but the pride of being smarter than a bunch of guys with the combined intelligence of a number two pencil. Ellis went to The Pink Taco and watched the end of the final NBA game and stood in the back. He noticed that everyone was dressed up and he felt out of place. This started a long discussion of basketball games and douche canoes leaving early. I don’t really care about basketball so my ADD kicked in and, umm, i forgot, but I forgot that too, so moving on. Ellis is going to Pala and is staying in the indian casino. They started talking about gambling and the lottery curse and how the lottery is basically an idiot tax and how the morons that win the money end up ruining their life because they don’t know how to manage finances properly, or what color to paint their double wide. Ellis has a therapist and a life coach now. Rawdog only has a therapist but he doesn’t seem to think Josh is a threat to himself without even asking. But if Josh was to commit suicide he would do it by grinding pills and mixing in a deliciously deadly chocolate pudding.
A 29 year old man was arrested for beating a stranger that he thought was bunpin uglies
with his girlfriend and then fled on roller blades. Ellis’s app is a show betting app. I’m not sure how it works but I think the fans can chip in to get someone to do something entertainingly stupid. Ellis wants josh to race tiger on a bicycle but Josh still says no. He doesn’t want to endure that kind of humiliation unless he gets paid ten thousand dollars. Bert McCracken joined the boys to listen to why Rawdog won’t ride a bike and why he hates the gays. Bert wants to raise his kids in the outback instead of Murica because bla bla bla. Again, my ADD.
In a hilarious yet ironic story a snake handler got bitten numerous times by a poisonous viper while giving a demonstration to help people get over their fear of snakes. The gnarliest thing you can do on a sail boat is to do a show from the Bermuda Triangle and shoot ghost loads into another dimension, hopefully landing on Amelia Earhart’s face. Tully and Bert then got into the discussion of world issues, intelligence, and some other stuff that was way too smart for me to be able to pay attention to.
Breaking news, Gandhi hated black people and The Offspring. I’m confused as to like him or hate him so I will continue my life not worrying about it. But if it turns out that he hates Nickelback too then I can overlook the whole black thing. He also said something about fucking mother Teresa and that’s metal as fuck! Foxy came in today also just to hang out and chill for a bit. They talked to her about fucking jungle cats and who can pump the hardest but then Rawdog did his workout routine again and I lost track because between Josh’s porno soundtrack workout, Bert, Foxy, and Ellis all at the same time I couldn’t keep track. Are you starting to see a pattern here? Then they started to do some final calls and my app crapped out so if they were good then you should tune in at 6am pacific and listen to the best two hours of the show. But don’t hold your breath, final calls are usually more retarded then yet mum at the Chuck E Cheese, OH!
My balls are awesome, they’re beautiful, they’re happy, and my balls are always bouncing
to the left and to the right, it’s my belief that my big balls should be held every night. Will loves the show like a child he hates who shits all over everything. Which pretty much means that given the chance, Will would drive all of us into a lake with the doors and windows locked because he loves us so very much. Rawdogs hair is getting better, Jason and Tully decided that it needs to be messy on purpose but not messy because he’s a fucking slob. If he does that then it will be garunteed that he’ll get laid. That or just do seven minutes on Ridiculousness, bitches love Ridiculousness. Speaking of Rawdog on TV, he wants to be on it but not do TV stuff. This brought up the discussion of TJES having its own television show. It wouldn’t just be aTV version of the radio show like Howard does because that shits been done to death. It would be more of a skit/radio show/whatever the fuck they want show. Most of this time was being used to think of bits to do. And don’t forget to go to Cuteness.com and vote for Ellis and Burger in their cutest celebrity pet contest. (Click the link, trust me)
In Pot News, for the first time ever the majority of Americans think pot should be legal. Also in related news, umm, wait, what was I talking about. I feel like having some nachos. Tully brought back the Men Am I Right segment and a farmer misspelled his girlfriends name, when he cut a marriage proposal into his crops. A man reported an explosion in his home, he wanted to have a nice relaxing hot have so naturally he heated up his can of shaving cream on the stove. A man shot his girlfriend, kinda. She was preheating his oven and she didn’t know that’s where he stored the clip and bullets to his .45. I still blame the woman for that one, she should know that a dude isn’t going to use the stove for cooking, stupid girl. Then some super gross dude made a bar book where all the recipes includes semen. In the UK a man was driving erratically and then he was pulled over, not for drinking or anything like that, but for rockin the drum and bass. The dude was rocking out so hard that he was in the zone! And the winner of today’s segment is a man who was arrested for the 50th time, but this time he was arrested for stealing booze and giving away shots to people in the park.
Bestie McBestington, aka Benji Madden came into the Swinghouse today. Apparently his recording session was delayed so he graced us with his presence. They talked about how much they respect and appreciate women, baking, motivation in the workplace, and the satisfaction of a job well done. Benji also talked about being the old guy in music production and how its hard to realize that all this stupid new stuff is kinda the same stupid new stuff that we liked when we were young. Then they talked about being on reality TV but he would only be on for music related stuff like The Voice. Benjis brother Joel is nominated for a loogie in Australia for his work on Australias The Voice TV show. And that’s all I have to say about that.
On to the Blowgies! A super gay competition with some super not gay contenders. The object of this competion is for two guys to give the most seductive, most loving, and most sexy blowjob to the big dicked rollerblader that they can while being judged by Foxxy (@Foxxy702), Eva Lovia (@MissEvaLovia), and Alice March (@alicemarchxxx). Long time listener, Fuck You Dude was the first contender and after slobbing knob like a seasoned veteran he got an impressive score of 20 out of 30. Perry was up next, it was expected that he wouldn’t be able to compete with FYD’s incredible fellatio skills but with some dick to face slapping and remembering to work the balls he came out with an amazing score of 25 out of 30! In the end Perry left with the title of best straight guy blow job on a mannequin dick.
“If she’s not winning watches then she’s not doing it right!” – A porn star
Wesley Snipes is back in society to continue his battle against vampires and space ship hijacking replicants. Something about Halle Berry. The Game ate at some restaurant and tweeted that he tipped the waiter six grand but lied. Busta Rhymes got into a fight over a cheeseburger. Titty. Joel Madden has great new hair cut. It’s rumored that Will and Jayda Pinkett Smith have an open marriage, but she said no and then said Will can do whatever he wants, like a boss. Snoop Lions record is coming out, in case you need something to waste your money on and burning it has become boring. Unsigned bands will be back next week. If you want you band to be shit on just send an MP3 to Ellisparodies@gmail.com
Final Calls were with only Ellis, everybody bailed to go find some hookers and coke for the weekend. Here are some of the things we learned during Final Calls today. When you walk in on your boss jackin his dick, leave and pretend nothing happened. Ellis is going to Nuculear Cowboys on Saturday, but if you see him and his kids don’t say fuck, shit, pussy, ass, cock, damn, piss, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, or hell yeah in front of Ellis’s kids. If your a pill head that can’t poop try snorting Metamucil, that shit will get your shit flowing fo-sho! A grown ass man should be able to piss all over his room if he wants. Ellismania on hold for now while Ellis gets things reorganized and calmed down. He wants to make sure everything is done right and the only way to do that is to do it himself. And the last thing we learned today is that the best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one. Unless the new girl is yer mum, never ever ever get under yer mum, it’s like the Bermuda Triangle of flesh and tits and hair, OH!
Fucking A for Thursday – Ellis n the crew must have ate some happy food, maybe a happy meal? You see, the food you eat helps depict your attitude in life. My happy food must be “pussay” allaahaahalla, but who didn’t know that. Did you know that “Daddy likes orange bikes”! Its true, Tiggy says Ellismate is a huge fan of KTM. And everyone is a huge fan of saving starving kids, such as the fine people bidding on a day with Ellis on that hungerthon thing, and with only 26 minutes to go were at about $10,500. How would you like to see the new spin off, Real Husbands of Beverly Hills, with Ellismate of course? 20 minutes to go, and still about 2 grand short of Howard Stern’s current bid, and world domination! Tully says Toddlers & Tiaras is fucking hilarious. Oh shit, we got a new bid of about $11,500 from “Van Hamersly” (Spelling?) with only about 13 minutes left, shits going down! So Travis Barker was all like super dad n shit at the park with his kids, even though Snookie said Travis looks ‘sketchy’. Also, Rapunzel is smoking fucking hot. Only 8 minutes to go and you can cut the tension with a wolfknife. Ellis would smoke Obama in moto, but he’s not sure how a game of hoops would go. 5 minutes. Ellis hates everyone from Paul Blart Mall Cop. 2minutes. Shout out to Papa Fifty. 30 seconds. #fucktully CLOSED! Fuck, didn’t beat out Howard Stern, but got fucking close and fed a lot of starving kids so Red Dragons. Will Pendarvis III called the show, not to comment on Cumtards sad state of depression and drinking alone, but rather to tell Ellis he bought him a chair, and just over 11 grand ain’t too shabby. I’m sure Will didn’t pick him up a microphone from H. R. Giger, though that dude’s artwork is fucking twisted, gnarly and all that good shit.
Gather round kids, its Hollywood News times. Lindsay Lohan could be more fucked than she already is, facing almost a year in jail. Lindsay Lohan could be less fucked than that last story, if her storage unit is auctioned off with all her dildos n shit. Sean Penn don’t give a fuck about any bitch, including his two ex wives. Angelina Jolie cares too fucking much, and will be retiring as soon as her 78 kids reach their teenage years. Gandalf will take a break from fucking hobbits, as the poor bastard has taint cancer. Jennifer Lopez and Al Roker ain’t fucking, but are fucked. And finally, a special NoYouAre shout out to Patriot Guard Riders for their support to military families, and for sticking it too those God Hates Fags pieces of shit. Now if only we can get Charlie Sheen to head the Gods Hates Gods Hates Fags, then we’d could fight more crime, and eat less chic’fil’a.
In Florida, this mother fucker here was driving around with road sign sticking out his head. Anyways, lets get to the first of our guests, Breesa. The lovely official brewer of the illegal, yet potent, Wolfknives beer. 18% alcohol by content, so it can fuck you up like a Wolfknife could, and since it can’t be taxed n shit yet, its not for sale, but hopefully one day soon. Breesa also brought some other shit, like some pot beer for Rawdog of course, and some champagne beer as well, corked and all. Foxxy also joined the show for this debut of sorts. Bring in Cumtard, and we have ourselves a little game don’t we. But instead of the normal blindfolded taste test shit you’d hear on other podcasts, The Jason Ellis Show is of a much higher caliber. No No, not up to the par of Butt Chugging the beer that put all other Canadian beers to shame, but rather – ‘Butt Shot O’Clock’ mofo’s! Time for Cumtard to take shots of the different beers off Foxxy’s ass, luge style, and guess which is the Wolfknife beer or the other pussy shit. Despite Cumtard being bitchingly scared of Foxxy’s ass and taint region, and chaotic yelling from Ellis and Tully to just harden the fuck up, and the first shot going down Foxxy’s ass into Cumtards eyes, we did get some good action out of this. Cumtards nose did go in Foxxy’s ass for the record, and he did guess the champagne beer correctly. However, Cumtard didn’t correctly guess the Wolfknife beer, though when he did, he admitted it left a nice “asster taste”, zing!
In Aussie News, apple maps is fucking killing people and leaving them in the bush to die. This reminded Ellis that kangaroos only punch you for fun. Its when they pop back on their tail, n use their feet to gut ya, that shows they’re really pissed. It also reminded Ellis he owns land out in the bush mate, and he one time shot the face off a 7 foot Goanna, and the fucking thing jumped at him when he tried to pick up the body. That reminded Tully, what would you do if you saw a lizard with a gun? Can your toilet flush 20 golf balls, or 2 lbs. of kitty litter, or who gives a shit? I bet you Ellis wishes he had that toilet back in Australia, ya know when he used to get beat for shitting his pants, and would try to flush the evidence. Tully thinks it may have been Encopresis, but I think it just fucked up…..that Instagram removed @tullywood‘s sweet pic of monkey balls. Oh, and be sure to start following Ellismate’s new Instagram, @wolfmate, thats @wolfmate, one more time, @wolfmate. Anyways, Rawdog had some picture of a ghost that was real, but I couldn’t find that shit. Tully did find some repressed memories of a ghost slamming the door to his newly built bedroom at his parents place. Foxxy said she could smell a ghost, but it was just Papa Fifty cutting loose. We did get to hear from the “Van Hamersly” lady, who called in about her hefty donation, and her plans for the Wing when she meets him. Sounds a lot like my plans later on tonight, which involve anal fisting, 3 bottles of lube, two road signs, a case of Wolfknife beer and of course yer mum!
While Ellis is enjoying his time in Cabo I wonder if he ever thinks back to playing “Guess the Mexican”? Taco Bell was in the news for using low grade “beef” in their tacos. So the boys dreamed up a Mexican-inspired game that resulted in the loser eating a dog food taco. Who lost? Take a listen!
By the way, the vilified, one-time girlfriend of Rawdog, Briar, is the other female voice with Foxxy in studio.
Guess the Mexican – 1/27/11
Download (link to MP3)