Hi everybody! It was great seeing you all in Vegas, what a blast we had together! I met so many new faces, we shared laughter, stories, food, and good times. We’ve got a lot to cover today, so let’s just dive right into it, shall we? So today’s show was pre-taped, yesterday, about the events from the day before, but aired on Faction today. Let’s try and do this. It’s really not that hard. We already covered Friday’s live show, but we didn’t get to talk about HATEBEAN’s first and last performance that night, nor the Tiger Box concert later that same night, after HATEBEAN! Only HATEBEAN was live on OfficialJasonEllis.com, Tiger Box however, was not – though I believe it was filmed and will eventually be on the site as well. See? Simple, right? Continue reading
It’s Friday, bitches! I’ll be your host for today, bitPimps here filling in for my brother from another vagina, AZ_RedDragon, while he’s off marrying his sister or watching his sister get married, I forget which. TJES is broadcasting live from the Roosevelt in Hollyweird, with a bunch of chicks with tits. Oh, and let’s not forget Hotdog & his donkey dick are there, ready to get some action. Of course the crew is there, except for Wilson – he’s back at the studio schmoozing up on Shannon The Animal Gunz. Nipplopolis and her husband are there, so is Fonzo – lucky fuckers. Everyone has been notified that Hotdog is a virgin and has never felt a boob, a butt, or anything. Oh, by the way, this is all streaming free on OfficialJasonEllis.com. Jetta tried to rally the girls to play some nude limbo, not a single chick spoke up. So Katie tried to rally the girls to see if anyone wanted to do some nude arm wrestling against her, nobody said shit again until finally one of the girls nominated another girl to do it. Champagne is popping to try and get the girls to loosen up and participate in anything other than chatting with each other. On an odd / interesting note, Joanna Angel doesn’t like her nipples played with, but she’s cool with 6 dicks and a finger in her ass. Go figure. Joanna started to dominate Katie, she really came out of the gate strong by asking her to sit / lay down. hahaa Things turned a little more violent after Katie was being choked & asked to be slapped, which Joanna obliged to the point she thought maybe Ellis was going to beat her up for slapping Katie so hard.
Back from break and it’s time for Katie to defend her arm wrestling title, this time against Jessie Lee. Two more chicks arm wrestled for Over The Top supremacy and the Mexican chick straight up cheated by using both hands and an illegal titty grab on her opponent. Some chick there who writes porn & tests out masturbation products for women has not tested a product because she was worried that it might produce air in her vagina which would kill her via air-embolism. Anyway, she lost her arm wrestling bout. Two more chicks are up for their turn at the Over The Top challenge, the cheating Mexican and a fully mixed chick with a ghetto booty. I think the half-breed chick won, then she went for the previous winner and took her out as well. Now is the championship round with Katie and Larry? I don’t know, that’s what it sounded like, it’s the mixed breed chick. So they go at it left handed and Katie won. Next round was right handed and mixed chick won. Vagina inflation update from Cumtard, theoretically, you could die from air in your vagina. Now, on to limbo, except nobody wants to limbo – at least not in without a nice set of heels to wear. Things finally started getting under way with about 6-8 contestants. It got whittled down to a group of 3 super flexible women, all of whom tied for champion of the limbo contest. For his efforts holding the limbo pole, Hotdog got a hot Mexican’s ass twerking on his pee-pee.
Back from break and we got a story of a man whose buddy stuck an air-compressor hose in his buddies ass and blew his guts up. Oh, and food is now served! Hotdog has disappeared into the bathroom, allegedly to get a quick jerk session in before he starts judging boobs. He may also be a little drunk already, after-all he’s only had a peanut butter & marshmallow sandwich to eat so far. But enough about blown out guts and sandwiches, let’s get Hotdog feeling some boobies. He’s going to freestyle how he feels them, no coaching involved. He’ll be standing behind each set of tits, taking the back route, under the arm, all the way to titty-ville. So the first set of tits are from Jessie Lee, and how did Hotdog like them? “I can’t lie, they feel pretty awesome.” was his lackluster response. Second set of titties, I don’t know this chicks name, his response was pretty much the same, except he added he thinks he might like bigger tits better, to a set of smaller tits. Class act, that Hotdog. hahaa Third set of tits were those of Phoenix Askani, she’s into buttholes and weed, and she’s drunk. Hotdog grabbed his 3rd set of tits and Phoenix feels like she’s getting a mammogram. Fourth set of titties are those from someone I don’t know, she doesn’t know her own Twitter, so it’s cool. He not only felt her boobies, she showed him her wee-wat. Fifth set of titties are those of Jenna Valentine, she has massive jugs and Hotdog had to really put his back into it. In the end, who won? Everyone. Fuck it, when tits are out, there are no losers.
Back from break and it’s time for some chicks to workout, breathe heavy, and say stuff. Brendan Schaub and Bryan Callen have showed up, strictly in a professional capacity of course. There’s about 10 girls participating in this at the same time. Some girls will be doing squats with kettle bells while the others will be doing ladder climbs for 45 seconds to 1 minute. I’ve gotta pull a Hotdog here and say, I’m not gonna lie, it started out sounding like that German gape porn and turned into something out of one of the Saw movies or something. hahaha The Mexican chick is telling her story about almost lighting a man on fire to Callen and Schaub – you may remember how into pain play Callen was last time he was on the show. Brendan Schaub will now show the girls some Jiu-Jitsu technique by laying on his back while a girl will get into his guard and try to escape or tap out. After she taps (or escapes hahaha) another girl will take her place to try escaping as well. But first, Callen has to get in a 5% gay guard to show the girls what they will be doing and the girls are demanding Schaub takes off his shirt. Schaub took out three chicks as well as a surprise attack by Katie, so Schaub gets to have his arm raised for beating up 3 different chicks. The ladies are starting to sound like drunk construction workers making cat calls and getting a little rapey with there demands to get Schaub nude, grab his dick, etc. He may need to be escorted out with security, I don’t know. It’s time for a break and the pin the tail on the donkey, or “stick a pin in Cumtard’s ass”, whatever you wanna call it. And yes, he will donning the C-string.
Back from break and Cumtard and his yam bag in a c-string are apparently a hit with the ladies, they keep screaming and smacking his ass. Whitney is enamored by Cumtard’s c-string. It took awhile to get the ladies going as they were on the bed taking pictures and such. Eventually things got under way and some ladies put some pins right in his curdled ass. Phoenix seemed to really take pleasure in her turn as she not only stuck the pin in his ass, but then proceeded to slap it home several times. This Dave dude from the UFC who came with Whitney via Onnit has given Cumtard his last warning, his dick is way too close for comfort. Oh yeah, and that Kellie chick who is friends with Katie took the body wash she co-created with Ellis and ate some of it, it tasted salty. There ya go. Chicks were also getting some anal lube from their throats. Somewhere along the way, Christian Hand snuck his way into the party, he’s never turns down an opportunity to meet some semi-naked hot chicks. The remainder of the show was spent talking with “Mr. Miami Club Scene” Brendan Schaub, fighting, UFC, and big booty babes he doesn’t discriminate against. Ellis is off to Minnesota, he will be racing this weekend and it will be on some ABC Sports channel, so check that out if you want. And there you have it folks. Enjoy your weekend, like the rest of us enjoyed your mother, over, and over, and over, and over… Rinse & repeat.
What else do we do on a Wednesday, but pass the doobie to the left, your mom to the right, and listen the The Jason Ellis Show. And we do this with a passion! Similar to the passion that Jason reminds us we must have in order to achieve greatness. If you wanna be the best at something, pound for pound, you have to get so good that it becomes boring, and then get better than that. Yes that pound for pound line means @TheDingoInSnow joined the show today to riff, starting with last night’s bad ass Machine Head and Deathclock show. Were you there? Ellis almost wasn’t, but you know he knows a guy who knows a guy, and in the backdoor Ellismate went, laminated pass and all. He made it backstage and chilled out on some couch, only to see Robb Flynn near by. Ellis got to hang with the band, and Rob was a good host, hooking Ellismate up with something that remains unkown. Apparently the bassist Adam is a big fan of Ellismania, as he gave a ‘Fuck Yeah’ after confirming Ellis did in fact set up a fight with Dave Mirra, and Adam also offered to be in an upcoming event! Of course it can’t all go perfectly, as the drummer is apparently sponsored by Yamaha, and he will have to live with that every day of his life. While the band was performing, Ellis made his way into the Mosh Pit for the last song in the set, Halo (Which Ellismate got a shoutout from the band, and totally missed it – Rawdog caught it though). All in all a bad ass night, and shoutout to EllisFam Butterballs and FonzoBlunt who were mentioned at the show as well. Oh and as for the bitches, Rawdog reports there are quite a few but mostly there with dudes. Ellis said he saw more than enough hotties that were single, and Tully reminds us that all women are single, some just more than others! Ellismate has also been finding it hard to rap, for his upcoming rap debut for Death! Death! Die! He also finds it hard to believe that Phil Anselmo is racist as some have alleged. It sounds like he isn’t racist, just Pro White. Did you know that only 45 murders occurred in Canada in 2011, per Rawdog per Twitter, so you know its true. We then listened to some bullshit lists on which country has the most murder. On all these lists, the US was way down, which could be true but seemed hard to believe. Of course none of that was as hard to believe as when Dingo found out that a turtle shits its dick out, a snake has two dicks, and a chameleon has two dicks that change color, but you already knew that didn’t ya smart guy!
Is Yoko Ono trying to fuck over the world, or just the gay scene on West Hollywood? Whatever she’s doing, she sparked a heated debate between Dingo/Rawdog and Ellis/Tully about who would wear her crazy shit. Dingo tried to imply the gay scene would, which offended Tully to no end, almost to the brink of leaving the show, until he saw this video from Yoko Ono back in 1967 that just made it all better. So what does it mean when you have a dream about your teeth falling out or crumbling? How the fuck should I know……..that Harry Connick Jr. isn’t a racist, but Australia is and is not afraid to show it! Just like the ol’ nursery rhyme goes “Catch a
nigga/tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go”, and you can see the difference between the Australian/American versions, hmmm. Onto where its not racist, Hollywood and our favorite segment, Hollywood News. Steven Tyler and Nicki Minaj are having a twitter battle over Bob Dylan and racism. Red Dragons to all of the Ellis Show and Dingo too for not having a clue as to who was on the panel of American Idol, even Rawdog didn’t know!
Moving right along, Adam Levine says The Roxy can just fuck off as far as he’s concerned. In other Hollywood News, comedian Katt Williams led police on a chase while getting 3 wheel motion the whole time. The fat chic from Precious (Mo’Nique) lost almost 200 pounds, and looks more and more like 50 Cent each day. And last but certainly not least, if you have an extra $600K laying around, and your in the Hollywood Hills area, check this plot of land out being sold by Jack Nicholson, get it up ya!
Joanna Angel stopped by the show, and I think we all know why. Before we get to that, and some other fun shit, Ellis had to call her out for being on some other douches podcast. Some Neil Strauss homo who has a maid and whore d’oeuvres, what a poser. In fairness to Joanna, her and Ellismate weren’t clear on their radio monogamy. That also reminded Joanna of her advice to Rawdog the last time she was in the studio, you know the “Don’t you cum yet” advice, only to find out if either ruined Josh’s relationship (since it ended), or she just wasted her wisdom. Turns out it wasn’t either, Josh did his own doing with regards to it ending and Ellismate took the advice home with him, and it worked like a champ! Now onto the real business at hand, The Reckoning. Joanna will be dancing that night prior to the big event. She’s planning to wear a sexy devilish outfit, to go with Rawdog’s brides maid attire. Oh and Dingo volunteered to cup Rawdog’s balls, what a guy. Joanna also took the time to offer advice to Rawdog, since she too has a small throat and
Blaht a gag reflex. She told him to drink some tea the night before, and that he could get some numbing spray (though unessecary), and most important he needs to enjoy it. Josh was also reminded that vomit is just nature’s lube. If you can make it on December 15th to Cheetah’s for ‘The Reckoning’, what the fuck are you still doing here reading this shit? So naturally with Joanna in the studio, and this event taking place at a strip club, it only could lead to one idea…..Lap Dance Off. After about 15 minutes of on air setup, and stories of Tully stiffing strippers on lap dances, we got to business. 5 contestants for this consisting of Ellis, Rawdog, Tully, Dingo and Cumtard (Jizz Cult was to be included, but we just fucking forgot ok). Each took one turn giving a blindfolded Joanna the lap dance of her nightmares. Dingo went first, and followed the ‘No Touch’ club rules for his dance, which just didn’t score well for him or her. Second was Rawdog, and from the sounds of it he did a damn good job, simulating a BJ and all that shit. Tully was up third, and just went bonkers with some crazy high energy raviging of Joanna. The Wing took the 4th try, and basically just choked her out n shit. Cumtard was 5th and final, and went bare ass for his dance, rubbing said ass all over poor Joanna. All in all it was a good effort, but Joanna wouldn’t be frequenting this club much after today. She did omit that Ellismate and his barbarian tactics were the best of the group!
Having trouble selling your car on ebay? How about whoring your daughter for a few pictures to help seal the deal like this dude did. Do you know how much it costs to book Creed for an appearence? $150K damn it. Despite Dingo calling extreme bullshit on this, it may be true says Cumtard and this article from yourmom.com. Then we were told Kevin Federline gets $300K for an appearence, and this just pissed DIngo off to no end, throwing Monster Energy cans across the room and shit. Ellis said there have been talks he may have some appearences coming up soon. Of course he’ll be looking at more like Tony Yayo money, $7k per appearence. They then talked about celebrity rider’s too, mentioning Mariah Carey requiring a person on hand to take her chewed gum, and that DMX must have 3 boxes of rubbers and a bottle of Hennessy, Red Dragons! Speaking of Red Dragons, Joanna was informed the video of her screaming that phrase is the #1 video on Ellismania.com, prompting Tully to offer a suggestion for the sequel = Rawdog. Serisouly, Josh to be in the movie, but with a body double for the sex scenes. He can make his Bruce Willis face n dirty robot talk, and then splice in some other dude banging Joanna, and Bob’s your uncle. The body double of course would be hung like a Clydesdale, but thats a different story. Then we were witness to a contest between Dingo and Ellis, to see who knows anyhting about Arkansas. We got nothing, I mean its in Atlanta, and in the top right of America, near Masachusettes or maybe Wisconsin. Look, Ellis n Dingo got street smarts. “We draw pictures” and “Spell with our fists” so fuck off! On a serious note, if you got a few extra bucks to help, you can bid on a day with The Jason Ellis Show and help SiriusXM fight hunger. Unfortuantely you can’t bid on a day with your mom, cause she is currently obsessed with trying to #fucktully, maybe next year!
I apologize in advance for what I’m about to do to you. Kickin’ it in the front seat, Sittin’ in the back seat, Gotta make my mind up, Which seat can I take? It’s Friday, Friday – Gotta get down on Friday! Okay, that’s far enough. It’s out of my system and will never come back to haunt you. Who will be taking Andy “Stay Duckin'” Bell’s place to fight Ellis? Gabe Ruediger (@GabeRuediger) will be, that’s who. This will be the third UFC fighter Ellis has gone up against and he says instead of just trying to survive like with the previous two UFC fighters he’s fought, he’ll be going for the win. Ellis is going to Miami next week, or two weeks from now, something like that. He’s going to be a judge at some Hooter’s Girls bikini contest, and I think he’s also going to try and party with Dexter. Ellis left the show for a few minutes to go take a shit and live tweeted, while taking said shit. Rawdog is going out on another date with the same chick he was recently making out with at the bar. She suggested go out dancing or stay home, eat mac-n-cheese, and watch Arrested Development. That sounds like she’s up for wearing shorts with no panties, sitting on the couch, and getting finger banged while Tobias Fünke wears the same short shorts as her.
Hey, some chick ate squid cum and had some squid babies all up in her mouth, yo. Yummy! If you eat seafood and/or sushi, you’ve probably eaten some cum too – or if you’re an asshole to your waiter, I guess there’s a good chance you’ve eaten sperm as well. Cumtard stopped by the show to get his mouthpiece for his fight at Ellismania and trash talk @shit_toboggan, which probably is only gonna make it hurt worse when he gets his ass handed to him. Speaking dicks (*cough*Cumtard*), you ever get nervous dick when you’re getting ready to bang a chick? That’s your body telling you to be weary, maybe she’s a massive hose beast, has STDs, or maybe you’re just a homosexual and with the wrong partner, I don’t know, I’m just sayin’. @FonzoBlunt showed up as well, he too had to get his mouthpiece all set – as you may have guessed, he was allegedly higher than bird pussy.
In “Women, am I right?” news, a fifteen year-old girl was unaware that the seventeen year-old boy that she met online and banged, was actually a twenty-four year-old woman. The old sea hag fucked her with a fake dick, through her zipper. Fuckin’ wang chung tonight! Some chick from my neck of the woods got caught shoplifting at a Walmart or some shit, they locked her in the bathroom until the cops got there, and by the time they did, she was up in that shit cooking up some meth. There was a ton more of stupid bitches and their stupid bitch stories, but I couldn’t possibly list them all. Ellis’ demeanor on the show changed in a heartbeat, he felt the show was “gay” and he wasn’t liking it. It’s supposed to be who gives a fuck Friday, but it seemed like he started giving a fuck immediately – it happened when he got a text about skrilla. THC called in to try and cheer up Ellis, he’s such a fucking cool dude, and he seems like he really cares. Props to that guy for being an awesome feller!
Kids now-a-days, and around Rawdog’s age, don’t know what metal really is because they only got to experience bands like System of a Down and the like. One thing that bothered me about awards and all that shit back in the 80’s was they would put bands like Poison in a “best new metal” or “heavy metal” category. That’s just pure D bullshit, I remember thinking, “why the fuck isn’t Metallica or Slayer in there? Now that’s metal, not fucking Def Leppard!” Anyway, whatever, too bad for you youngin’s that get shit music these days. That about covers it for this re-cap, Happy Father’s Day to all you good dads out there, I hope you all have a great weekend and get a blowjob! You know your dad’s getting one, sure it’s from that stupid bitch with a bulbous baboon ass you call a mother, but at least she gobbles up the cock like a champion. OH!
Every now and then I have a stroke of genius. Or it was an actual stroke, I’m not sure but I created a new hastag game: #ReplaceWordsWithFollowers. This is possibly one of the greatest things I have ever thought up on a Thursday night before bed in March. Here are some of the things people came up with. Enjoy.
These are a few of the posts that I could find, there are some really brilliant people out there. If you have any ideas for Hastag Games send @bitPimps or @Az_Reddragon a message and we’ll put up some of the results.