Cricket. Don’t even bother, we’re not meant to understand.
What’s up party people in the place to be? I know what you’re thinking. “There are pictures in this recap, that turd_sled guy doesn’t post pictures in his recap!” Well first of all, his name is shit_toboggan, and second off all, this is bitPimps filling in. Now that we have that out of the way, and you’re out on bail fresh outta jail, California dreamin’, lets see what the show had in store for us today. Oh. Wait. Before I forget, there have been more updates about Ellis’s contract – here’s what a little birdie told me. Ellis will indeed have his own channel, it’ll probably still be Faction 41 – but he will run the channel and answer only to Scott Greenstein. This channel will still play music & talk and have no commercials. Of course Tully & Wilson will still be there and a part of everything. If he is interested, Jude is welcomed to a show on Tuesdays. Ellis will have a bigger show budget, allowing for more remote shows from different locations. He also mentioned hiring a big time producer as of yet to be named. He went after Brent Hatley, but he was snatched up by Stern. So that’s pretty much it. Now, on to today’s show. Ellis stayed up too long and got in trouble. He and Mike both stayed up until 2 AM. Starting at 5 AM, police helicopters were flying over and shaking Tully’s house for 3 hours straight. No idea what that was all about, but he knows it wasn’t about OJ Simpson. Could it have been the 12 O’Clock Boys? Maybe. But probably not. Could it have been Fletcher Dragge from Pennywise? Maybe. But probably not. He’ll be on the show later today. But right now it’s time for Jude to come in. Jude always shows up a little to the radio party because he wants to give Ellis & Tully some breathing room. That and it makes him feel weird to go to parties early and empty handed. Ellis wants to have a cricket match with him and his friends and get the fans involved. They were talking about wickets and bowling and shit. I have no idea what bowling and a made up religion have to do with extra shittier baseball meets croquet, but there you have it. Shit looks like a fraternity initiation to me, and sounds racist as fuck to everyone except Australians, but what can ya do? Apparently cricket matches in Australia can last for days and people are there to get drunk as fuck and pretend to have some class. Guess they’ve never heard of polo or the other hoity toity, nose in the air, sports for the elite class. Cricket talk, racist cricket terminology continued until it evolved into what cops refer to different races as while on their walkie talkies. Thankfully, we have audio from Wilson’s last arrest to give us some insight.
Women, don’t get mad. You did this to yourselves.
Women, Am I Right? While in Afghanistan, a male soldier asked his girlfriend to watch his dog, so she promptly sold to someone else. 11% of UK women surveyed believe if they don’t kiss while fucking, they can’t get an STD. 55% think the pull-out method will save them from sexual diseases. 22% think they can’t get STDs if they’re on top. 14% think they couldn’t get an STD if they were in a relationship. A woman in Florida torched a man’s car after he refused to buy her McFlurry, thereby releasing her McFury. A woman in Alabama was arrested for shoplifting, cops found a bunch of stolen shit in a bag on the horse she stole to go steal more shit. A woman in Utah approached a drug dealer looking for crystal meth, turns out it was a cop – so she told the police officer it wasn’t for her, it was a birthday gift for her sister. A soft porn model, Sophie Dalzell, skipped probation meetings because she says her boobs are more important than the law. Some drunk Hungarian girl put her leg through a glass door. Some gross bitch outside a nightclub in Toronto was caught on camera shitting in her hand and throwing her poop like nothing is out of the ordinary. Some lady was caught on video making herself some coffee, she put some milk in the coffee, and then refilled the milk carton with her own breast milk. There was video of a group of girls fighting at Denny’s. Just go Google that shit, there are tons of those kinds of videos. We heard some garbage song shaking up the morning show world by Lindsey Stirling and played on Octane. Will likes checking on everyone, but he doesn’t like it when other people check on him. He’s still reluctant to let anyone go over to his apartment or even see where he lives. He says it’s embarrassing where he lives, how he lives, and of course the dead hookers he has stored in the linen closet. He also says he might let a chick come over, but he’ll never allow a meeting to be held there. He says it smells, he doesn’t have dishes or plants, and all he wants is a bed, a toilet, a shower, and a TV. He also claims the only things that are important to him are family, friends, the show, and his work. Yet none of his family or friends are allowed to ever see where he lives. Is he just hiding from his shame or is there something more SINISTER that he’s trying to hide? Be sure to watch the nightly news, you just might get your answer, or at the very least, keep your family SAFE! Tully has a mega crush on Yolandi Visser, the girl in Die Antwoord.
Ain’t nothing gonna kill your Yolandi boner like some ball cancer talk.
It’s halftime, everyone grab your tits and your nuts, do a quick check and let’s keep this… ball rolling. YEEAAAHHH!!! Fletcher is in studio now, his tits are always great and his balls are fine. He’s had an ultrasound on his balls because he found a lump right around the time Tom Green had ball cancer, so he went to the doctor to have them nuts checked. Ellis had a lump, he had it checked, he’s good. Tully has a cyst on his balls, he had it checked, he’s good. Fletcher talked about some of his fights and legendary drinking antics, which he says he’s cut out some of the hard stuff so he can live that whole peace & tranquility lifestyle. Ellis talked about how he ran into Fletcher one time carrying around a punch bowl full of alcohol. Punk Rock Sasquatch showed what a normal 12 ounce can looks like in his hand and defends his Pringles can drinking apparatus because he gets tired of always making drinks, so he needed a bigger cup. He talked about how Byron McMackin is hoarding all the free shit sponsor send to Pennywise, like Pabst, Red Bull, and GoPros. He could’ve used that GoPro when he almost died by bro’ing down with an elephant. The elephant basically used it’s trunk, head, & tusk to pick Fletcher up and toss him 15 feet across the room and into a wall. Drunk with a couple broken ribs and stitches in his hand, he did his job and played the show that night and went to the hospital the next day. Byron was freaking out and said he was going to quit the band, but he stayed for the show and warned that if he saw Fletcher drinking that night, he was gonna quit for sure. He also talked about how Pennywise always fights with one another for hours on end and how much he loves picking on Randy, and how Pennywise is just a big, dysfunctional family. Fletcher, just like B-Real has tons of crazy stories, but instead of them being all weed related, they’re all liters worth of vodka related.
The safer version of Fletcher.
Sony Records has signed an 8th grade heavy metal band called Unlocking The Truth to a $1.8 million dollar deal. Fletcher says they’re not going to see a dime after they hire a producer and pay for a shitty video, plus the one kid is already playing guitar better than Fletcher so there’s definitely no bias coming from his side of the table. More stories from the large man with a Doritos bag full of vodka. A caller asked about what went on back in the day in St. Louis where Pennywise was banned from what was then Riverport Amphiteater. Turns out there were two different instances that happened to contribute to their banishment. One was a mini-riot that Fishbone got blamed for, but it was Pennywise fans who started fighting with security to get closer to the stage. Pennywise warned the powers that be that their fans probably wouldn’t take too kindly to being stuck so far away from the band, and sure enough shit went down. On another occasion, a little promoter guy was wanting Pennywise to sell their shirts for more money so the promoters could make more money, Pennywise refused, and Fletcher may have allegedly spit on little promoter guy several times. Little promoter guy swung on Fletcher and hit him and then he was kicked out. He said bullshit, he wasn’t leaving & called the cops to press charges. The cops weren’t having it and ended escorting the entire band to the state line. Fletcher is also not allowed near the cockpit of any planes because he wants to do a barrel roll and nobody else is willing to let his big, crazy, convict-like drinking bag, ass take control of a plane. Basically, Fletcher is pretty fucking punk rock. We listened to some slowed down pop songs, which was alright. Cumtard got shocked while using the speech jammer, that was alright. Fletcher hit the punch pad and was disappointed in his numbers, but let’s face it, that punch pad is far from accurate. But that’s alright. And now this recap is over, that’s alright, alright, alright.
That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.