Tag Archives: DanOD5

Show Re-cap For Friday 5/11/2012

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Holy fuck it Friday, and not just any Friday but Who Gives A Fuck Friday, as if you even gave a fuck about that.  Today is Dan “Hot Balls” O’Donell’s last day.  This would be a sad event if it happened yesterday but it didn’t so I don’t give a fuck. We will miss you Doug and your hot mom.  Katie (Ellis’ girlfriend, in case you’ve been under a rock) was in the studio today.  She wasn’t really on the air but you could her her cute little girlfriend laugh every time Ellis made a joke. It was adorable, but who really gives a fuck anyway.

Alaskans will hunt bears, Australians will piss on you, and women are incredibly fucked in the head.  Especially the 21 year old that called in.  Some suspect that she is really 12, but that is way too creepy so for sake of dignity, she was at least 18. She said that while making sweet sweet love to her man in the cowgirl position he got on his cell phone.  This, under most circumstances is a major no no.  However, after listening to this girl drone on and on and on for about 5 minutes I started to understand his plight, I’m surprised he didn’t try to lodge the phone into his brain.

More news, pity sex sucks, Serena Williams made a shit-tacular rap, Rawdog has never received a blow job to completion (we were all shocked by this news), and some of the funniest news I’ve heard in a long time, a man was held up by another man with a rifle and was forced to do the moon walk.  Oh and Ellis puked, I’m not sure if it was on his dick or just in the trash can. I was too busy watching my wife dry heave as she heard it, good times.

The Lemmy interview was good, Vinnie Paul was great, but today the most epic of all interviews went down.  Ellis got a surprise visit from the man, the myth, the legend, Steven Tyler!  This interview was so epic that I am not going to try to summarize it, I will however encourage you to go our good friend’s site, Cobra Tits, to listen to the Steven Tyler interview first hand.

For the end of the show the guys finally finished Worlds Greatest Worst Male Sex Change. Here’s the top 3:

3. Andre the Giant

2. Lenny from Motorbreath

1. Zakk Wylde

In my opinion all three of these guys are incredible ugly for guys let alone guys with cookies.  The only thing worse than having to stuff the sausage into any of them would having to ram jam yer mums actual swamp box, OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/10/2012

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I want to be inside you

Healing news today on the show, driving a Porsche settles upset tummies. Tomorrow will be @DanOD5‘s goodbye show, his internship is over and now he must leave the nest and spread his wings. He’ll fly, fly, fly away, back to Chicago and his hot mom. George Clooney probably has some ugly chick in his past that he still longs for, even though he bangs super hot bitches. Maybe. Or maybe not. Maybe it’s Brad Pitt he longs for, I don’t know. Whichever the choice is, I accept your decision George. Some chick needed to expel breast milk and for whatever reason, it wasn’t coming out so the husband sucked it out for her. NOPE! Keep pushing me, keep pushing me, you just keep on pushing my love, over the borderline – borderline! You just sang that little ditty in Madonna’s voice – and now that song is also stuck in your head, you’re welcome.

Oh Asians, you so cray

Josh Barnett was supposed to be on the show today, but after being already 45 minutes late, Shiney Shins Pendarvis got a phone call saying he would be late. No shit Sherlock. So he got rescheduled in favor of having Twitch (@twitchthis) on at his scheduled time. Apparently the Japanese have done it again, they’ve created an ice bra to help keep the sweater puppies cool during those warm summer days – way to stay cutting edge Japan! Ellis and Twitch played a little trivia game to see who’s smarter than a… a, uh… I don’t know, you can think of something. Anyway, Ellis lost and got to have his nuts tugged on by an R/C car while Twitch gently kissed his neck. Okay, that last part was an outright lie, but the truth is that both of them are going to Twitch’s party tonight, so technically it could still happen.

Is it final calls time?

And then we had final calls… final calls. Oh final callers, why are you so fucking stupid? You don’t realize you’re talking to the person you just called, you ask things like “what are you doin?”, and your reception usually seems as if you’re on the dark side of the moon. I’m really glad you don’t call throughout the show and wait until the end, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. But I also want you to choke on your Speghetti O’s, I know you can do it if you just apply yourself. And now, I have a question for you! Why did your mom cross the road? Because I told that stupid whore to get the fuck off my lawn and go graze in the pastures with the rest of the cows. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/3/2012

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What else can I say but, its almost Friday.  Not quite but close, so don’t get your hopes up, there’s still one day left.  At least today was one of the best shows I’ve heard in a while.  The decades long debate on how old is too old to date was discussed and Ellis decided that any age is appropriate as long as you like the other person.  This is a noble stance but I still follow the “half your age plus seven” rule.  Jason talked about his appearance on Hollywood Uncensored and revealed that he had sweaty palms and had butterflies in his stomach. However he said that everyone was nice and he is starting to know more and more TV people. The Hollywood take over is imminent.

Ellis has only a few days left with Thomas Hayden Church’s Porsche and decided that he needs to try and pick up chicks while filming.  As expected the EllisFam came through like champs.  I was laughing way too hard and there were way too many pickup lines to write them all down.  I will just say good job to those who participated.  We were, umm, granted with a game from the entertaining MumTard.  Contestants had to guess the Mumtarded Movie in MumTards Mumtarded Movie Collection. Damn, after writing that I might need a helmet.  The game was a smash success and hopefully we will see MumTard back again in the future, just as soon as the get the smell out of the studio and the stains off the chair. And Dan the Man had exchanged some heated words with Alicia.  Actually I should say Alicia talked shit on Dan while he just cowered in the corner and piddled himself.  I don’t see things going well for him at Ellismania, but we can all hope that as Dan gets his ass handed to him the crowd will be treated with a possible wardrobe malfunction from the beautifully busty Alicia.

And finally, what we have all been waiting for, WORLDS GREATEST WEDNESDAY  THURSDAY!  Today’s topic was Worlds Hottest Hollywood Milf.  There were some great contenders and the top 10 went as so:

10.  Milla Jovovich

9.  Kelly Rippa

8.  Sofia Vergara

7.  Belladonna

6.  Salma Hayek

5.  Mini Driver

4.  Gisele Bundchen

3.  DanOD5’s Mom

2.  Jessica Alba

1.  Britney Spears

Your Mom was also nominated for this list, but unfortunately she got a total of 0 votes.  Coincidentally that’s the same number of call backs she got after her many hours of pleasing dock workers.  Even MumTard, who got 1 vote by the way, said, “YOUR MOM BIGGER SLAM PIG THAN MUMTARD, OH!”

 

 

Show Re-cap For Monday 4/30/2012

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Hello people. I trust you had a good weekend? It’s Monday, and Ellis has been driving Thomas Haden Church’s Porsche over the weekend and also got charged $1000 big ones for bleeding all over his hotel room. Ellis’ mom forgot his kids’ birthdays again this year, what an awesome grandmother! That bit of information lead into a little tirade about his past family issues he’s currently dealing with. The @Jingleberries made more gold today when the new @DanOD5’s Mom tunes were revealed. They’re amazing so be sure to check bookhockey.com for when those songs get posted. There was quite a bit of talk about motorists, and bicyclists – so uh, you know, don’t bike or drive like a dickface.

Mayhem was on the show today and did a little bit of radio by himself, as you might imagine, it was a disaster. He basically told a story about going camping over the weekend. There almost seems to be something a little more than friendly “ribbing” going on between Ellis and Mayhem. It sometimes feels like when two really good and long-time friends start purposely annoying each other and both kind of keep tossing these “fuck you” jabs into their conversations. Although, shortly after the Mayhem radio hour and Ellis came back in to save him, everything seemed to be fine and pretty normal – as normal can be anyway.

Rawdog went to his new roomies birthday party over the weekend. About a week ago, he also started to suspect his new roommate was gay after seeing one of his bands’ videos on the Internet. The birthday party was the confirmation after his friends seemed to be clearly gay and then a guy started to talk to Rawdog more than the other guys and got a little touchy feely – literally, touching his arm and such. They all went out for food and got drunk, then everyone went to go clubbing and Rawdog went home, once they got back home, they had some more shots and then there was a slumber party. o_O Now, let me tell you about the first time I met your mother. She was shopping at the grocery store and put the following items in her basket: One dozen large eggs, One pound of Swiss cheese, One box of brownie mix, One twelve pack of soda, Two pounds of coffee, One gallon of whole milk. While placing the items on the conveyor belt at the checkout, I calmly said,”You must be single.” She looked at her food items on the counter and saw nothing unusual about her purchase that could have informed me that she was single. Curiously, she said “Yes, you’re right. But how in the world did you know that?” I replied, “‘Because you’re ugly.” And then I banged her in the ass with the grocery bag over her head. OH!