Show Re-cap For Thursday 9/20/2012

Who gets tired of titties?

Guess who again? That’s right, filling in for my colleague who is indisposed at the moment, but not to worry! The lawyer said there’s not enough evidence to hold him much longer and until there’s a trial, he can have limited contact with the general public. We started the show off with some DogCenter with Dingo and Tully, while we waited for Ellis to get his ass in the studio – topics included tits and ass. Titties are fucking awesome, but you already knew that. And if titties weren’t covered, you might not like them as much. HAHHAHAHAAA! Yeah, right. According to some callers, going around topless is legal – except if you cause some kind of commotion. Take that with a grain of salt, remember, these are callers we’re talking about here. All I know is way more chicks should go around topless, I think everyone would be in a way better mood – do it for the children of tomorrow, today!

While you were talking about celebrities…

Ellis had to go to the hospital for a massive needle in the side of his ass, his ex-wife hates him and won’t pick up her phone, and he had to drop the kiddies off at school and shit – so that’s why he was late. Driving an hour and half in traffic blows. Also, it sucks to suck, but it rules to rule. The guys were reminiscing about EllisMania 8, even while Forrest Griffin was beating the shit out of DanOD5, Danny still took Alicia and Tully to school, and Dingo just about died because he was puking for 20 minutes. Fiona Apple, who’s kinda hot, got arrested for possession of hash. Amanda Bynes, who suffers from butterface, got kicked out of her gym class. Paris Hilton, who’s basically a walking herpes purse, was recorded saying most gay men have AIDS and are “disgusting”. DMX, who’s not hot, ain’t havin’ none of that Google shit. And Dingo, after being taunted about his manliness from Tully, proved he was man enough to rape Rawdog by um, raping him.

Kill me now, or yourself. Either way.

Rawdog came up with a new game called “Name that tune, chopped and screwed”, but there had to be a pot of money for the winner to receive. He put in $5 bucks, but refused to put one more dollar in the pot – so we got the silent treatment while Rawdog was made to feel like a greedy person of a specific ancestry. It took awhile for everyone, besides Rawdog, to get into the game – and they seemed to miss some super easy ones, but nailed the harder ones – Ellis ended up winning the pot, $9 whole dollars. Pendarvis got his Wolfknives name today, as voted on by the listeners, and I believe “Jizz Cult” ended up as the winner. I was going to give you the top 10, but the online player apparently no longer allows me to step back in time – so I missed what they were while driving home and hitting the liquor store. But it’s all good – you’re not even reading this far. So do you remember how Octomom received an offer of $10,000 to pose for some magazine? Your mom got the same offer, but from National Geographic. OH!

Show Re-cap For Monday 7/16/2012

DanOD5 getting his interview on after some thuggery

Holy shit, I’m still reeling from @DanOD5 winning his fights! That had to of been one of the bigger surprises that night, I think, maybe, or maybe not. I dunno. I know I was floored. Rawdog officiated a marriage between two lesbians while they were in Vegas, and according to Cullen, he then promptly started trying to sleep with one of them but he got cock blocked by smooth operator Jude. Or maybe it was just the massive zit embryo he had festering on his face. Ellis couldn’t take it anymore and cut the umbilical cord on that sucker for him today on the show. After knocking Gay Bruediger out in the second round, while Ellis was celebrating his victory, he got a little surprise. He got kicked in the leg by Forrest Griffin and then Mayhem got him really good in the knee and fucked up his PCL. Congratulations on your win, now find a wheelchair and fill up on the pain meds! I guess that’s how some MMA guys like to congratulate each other.

MMA Sasquatch lurking and rubbing his jerky in the background

Dingo started one of the rounds in his fight on the top turnbuckle, what a fucking champ! Both he and Danny (not OD5) had been drinking before & during their fight and mysteriously after their fight, there was a vomit trail leading down a set of stairs. I’m guessing that could have been a combination of Jack Daniels, being out of breath, and getting socked in the stomach by MMA Sasquatch. Ellis was awarded the MVP trophy and promptly gave it to @FaceplantLauren and @Shanwize1 for their epic battle in the ring during the “Humongous Bitch” fight, in which Lauren won. By most accounts, it was the best fight of the night and deserving of the MVP trophy. And now seems like a good time to give you a re-cap of the rest of the fights and the winners: Cumtard defeated @shit_toboggan, @Dutch_RDS ended up winning the blindfold shock collar fight, some dude dressed as a belly dancer beat out @Cogdeth in the musical chair fight, and @TheRealRubyR defeated Rawdog.

Mayhem Bot making his rap debut with Death! Death! Die!

Apparently Mayhem was pretty blasted after the fights, but I guess he deserved it after his performance the previous night at the Death! Death! Die! concert. Tully said there were quite a few people who said that was probably the best show the band has put on. So congratulations to everybody in the band as well as the guest stars, everybody in the bikini contest from Friday, and everybody that participated in the fights on Saturday night! And shout out to all the other peeps who got to go to Vegas to experience EllisMania 8 in person! Even though the entire weekends worth of shows put on by EllisMania were probably wicked sick yo, I’m willing to bet if you were to ask everyone who went “what was the best part”, most would answer “meeting everyone” – but since I didn’t go, I can only speculate. At any rate, I’m glad to see you all had fun and all (or most all) have made it home safe sound. I mean shit, just think of how horrible it would be if something bad had happened to you there? Who knows, maybe you would’ve never gotten the chance to kiss your mom’s jizz covered face ever again. OH!

Ellismania 8 Results – 7/14/12


Musical Chair Fight: Belly Dancer (?) defeats Ballerina (@Cogdeth) via split decision in the final.

Hot Dog vs. Taco: Hot Dog (@KevinKraftSucks AKA Cumtard) defeats Taco (@shit_toboggan) via TKO.


Big Bitch Fight: Lauren (@FacePlantLauren) defeats Shantanee (@Shanwize1) via split decision in a brutal fight.

Blindfolded Shock Collar Fight: ‘Dutch’ (@Dutch_RDS) is declared the winner.

Rawdog vs. Ruby Renegade: Ruby (@TheRealRubyR) defeats Rawdog (@RadioTFB) in a controversial unanimous decision.

Dan vs. Alicia: Dan (@DanOD5) defeated Alicia (@AliciaLeii ). After 3 rounds ‘The Incredible Hulk’ (@possiblyTully) entered the ring and Dan defeated Tully!


Danny vs. Dingo One-Armed Fight: Danny (@Dannykass) & Dingo (@theDingoinsnow) both declared winners.

Jason Ellis vs. Gabe Ruediger: Jason (@Ellismate) defeats Gabe (@gaberuediger) via 2nd Round KO!

Jason Ellis is also declared the Ellismania 8 MVP and wins the MVP trophy. Jason passes it off to the ‘Big Bitches’ for their epic fight.

Thanks to @Drklrdbill for tracking the results and all the fans on twitter that provided photos.

Show Re-cap For Friday 7/13/2012

Danny O’Donnell vs Alicia Leii

Welp. It’s Friday the 13th, and a lot of you lucky mofo’s are already in Vegas for EllisMania 8. Nobody even invited me. So here I sit, writing a re-cap for your asses, clicking furiously on tweets tagged with #EM8, and getting my box of tissues ready for the bikini contest. But guess what? I lied to you guys again today. But it was a good lie, I swear it! I started shouting out @emilyinSD, @tank_yanker, & @mike_in_canada, claiming it was all of their birthdays. I saw several re-tweets and happy birthday wishes flying. It was glorious! Even though it may not have been their birthdays, just think of how good you made them feel by wishing them one! And guess what, you made my day that much more awesome too by perpetuating my lie! I’ve told you before, I’m a pretty fucked up individual. So see, it wasn’t a bad lie. We got to hear the usual suspects being introduced at the start of the show from Vegas. @DanOD5 turned up as JagerBeard, already drunk and high and sitting on Uncle Mayhem’s lap and semi-chubbed up. And that’s when the real JagerBeard came on the scene to take a large shot of Jager and it sounded like he almost hurled.

Dead Acid Cunt vs Some Hot Readhead in the “Yo Momma Round”

Weigh-ins sounded pretty hysterical with Alicia pushing Dan around and Rawdog telling Ruby that he’s ready to kick her 111 pound ass. Gay Bruediger weighed in at 190 pounds while Ellis weighed in at 198 – let’s just keep in mind that Mayhem was working the scales. Gay started acting a fool almost immediately and ended up threatening to beat up Tully and Rawdog if they played the Jingleberries song about him for his walkout music. There was a quick “Doing stuff with Rawdog” segment, which is always a pleasure to hear and very informative, especially the “how to put on a condom correctly” and “how to insert a tampon correctly” pieces.

Bikini contest winner showing one of her techniques

Rawdog’s go to foreplay move is “necking” and aggressively playing with “titties”, I’m ready for love just typing that shit. The bikini contest was next up on the list of show segments, there were 10 fine ladies who entered the contest and was almost widdled down to 9 after one of the contestants flashed her titties at the crowd. After security talked to her and saw her tits up close, she was allowed to stay and the competition continued. The entire contest was broadcast for free, in streaming HD on Shout out to Dead Acid Cunt (@freedrose) for being the runner up and Dead Acid Balls (@hendro9364) for banging that shit!

Your mom’s motto

The remainder of the time was spent with Ellis walking through the crowd taking final calls from fans in the crowd. There were quite a few people who apparently purchased their Wolfknives membership at the show, and they all got their gang names. Mayhem will be debuting his newest career skills tonight as a rapper, and I’m guessing Katie is getting banged in the butt later in the night. And that pretty much wraps up this re-cap, I hope everyone in Vegas for EllisMania 8 is having a great time and staying frosty! I have one last question for you. You know how sometimes when you see really, really, morbidly obese people and you aren’t sure if they’re a man or a woman? Wait, of course you do – you’ve seen your mom lots. OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 6/1/2012

Rawdog’s plight

It’s June 1st and it’s #WGAFF, coincidence? Probably not. I mean, there’s no significance to it at all, it is what it is. Who cares, let’s get into some shit shall we? Don’t everybody answer all at once! If you answered “yes” to that last question, you’re in for a treat, and if you answered “no”, well you’re still in for a treat! See, it’s a win-win situation all the way around for you lucky bastards, and it’s all because I love you. Ellis says he fucks ugly chicks all the time, he had gotten a prostitute a few weeks ago who was apparently pretty fugly and he wasn’t even sure she wasn’t a dude, but she pulled out titties so… yeah. Ellis is going camping this weekend, as it turns out, I too am going camping this weekend. The difference? He’s looking forward to it, and I’m not. I’ve camped enough in my life and now I like my creature comforts, plus I won’t be jet skiing so that’s a fuckin’ downer. Rawdog got recognized while he was at the bank today, the teller chick (Meredith) asked if he was “Rawdog” and said she listened everyday. I don’t even need to say this but for posterity sakes, he didn’t hit on her or ask her out or anything.

Canadian protester in the wild

Some guy named “Richard” called into the show and said his testicle never dropped down into his scrotum so he had surgery on his ovary ball, oddly enough, he didn’t even sound Canadian. Apparently some Canadians are really pissed aboot all the Canada jokes on the show eh, and feel like they should get more respecky – but I think that’s just the Canadians that haven’t had a joke sneak into their igloos. New York banned the sale of soda over 16 ounces in some shitholes, what’s up with that New York Silly Nannies? Some pregnant chick was trying to talk her husband into going to EllisMania 8 before she poops a child out of her bearded clam, but the husband was saying it wouldn’t be a good idea. At least that kid has one parent with some sense. Another new call screener today, Cunt Mist, seemed to do a pretty good job on screening calls but a piss poor job on coming into the studio when beckoned. He works at a pretty famous night spot there in Hollyweird or some shit like that. He speaks well, got a good review from a caller or two, and he came up with a game for them to play. I mean holyshit, is this guy trying to get a fucking job as a call screener for the show or is he just @DanOD5‘s less pretty brother?

Old people smell? Who knew!

Ellis wants to go to Thailand and eat rice, which I think is totally doable because I’m pretty sure that rice, tobacco, crazy jungle viruses, and lady-boys are all they have there, right? @JoannaAngel was on the show today, Tully asked if she was getting “sultrier” and I think that made her moist – she’s always had a soft spot for Tully. She also participated in halftime pushups, she’s such a good sport – she’s usually up for anything really, and when I say anything, I mean a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g, hubba-hubba! There was talk about a hand-job reunion for Rawdog, remember – he got jacked off by 3 shoe talking porn chicks in a bathroom at a premiere party for one of Joanna’s movies. Old people smell is real, that’s not really fucking news though because I could’ve told you that fact back when I was 4 or 5. There’s just no way to confuse the smell of mothballs, musty underwear, and ointment. They played a game where they had to guess if the statement was an MMA move, a gay porn move, or both and the winner gets a lap dance. Rawdog ended up winning and got a lap dance from Joanna while she wore the Hulk Smash Hands and danced to Primus – Jerry Was a Racecar Driver. That might sound a little awkward, but let me assure you that it is far more awkward trying to have sex with your mother only to find all her holes are already filled with cum and raw oysters. OH!