Show Re-Cap for Monday 11/18/2013


You wanna have $ to donate to charity? You gotta listen to WuFinancial advisers.

Here it is, what you’ve been waiting all weekend for. It’s Monday, Monday, MONDAY! Live, from the planet earth, it’s The Jason Ellis Show Recap! Get it in ya! MONSTER RECAP MONDAAAAY! Alright, you sold on it yet? I’m sold on it. Do you say “effin” or “friggin” or “freakin” or some variation there-of for “fuckin”? I understand. Sometimes you gotta do it, but sometimes you gotta let that genie out of the bottle, too. Try it. Say it. I’ll wait for you. Somebody said something about Katie’s laugh on Jason’s Instagram and he almost told that person that their neck was pregnant, but he didn’t. He’s not going to waste his “effin” time being all bitter and mean and “shibbidy”. Dingo got to hear about sweaty hands and Brian Deegan and how much time and energy Deegan used to waste on a hating. Bloods and Crips, one of them is better than the other, Wilson is part of MS13, Rawdog ain’t scurred of any of them because he’s Jewish for life, and Tully thinks Hollywood is really just a giant shithole. His new neighbors were scoping him out since they’re the new kids on the block and the neighbors are wondering if that means their hood is turning to shit. Betsy is donating $7,500 to charity like some kind of badass – which is fucking badass – therefore she’s badass. But nobody can figure out why she likes the show because she’s got way more class than anyone there. Tiggy’s still bringing the pain to the dirty, stinking, red headed kid at soccer. He scored 8 goals, thereby solidifying his first major step in becoming the next David Beckham. He’s definitely already surpassed Rawdog, who had the most soccer balls stolen from him during a game. How are professional athletes making so much money and getting so many breaks? Even though they’re rich as fuck and have a glamorous life, a lot of them end up broke as shit. Cry me a “effin” river.


Bomb threat? TJES ain’t scurred.

Breaking news with Wilson Pendarvis! The cops have the building surrounded and the streets blocked off because of a suspicious looking package / potential bomb threat. Which of course means that TJES could literally be on the verge of blowing the fuck up. Will’s oddly looking out the window, listening to multiple police scanners, frantically pushing buttons on his massive phone, and praying a bomb will go off to end his pain and misery. Breaking Richmond family news with Rawdog! His sister Gabi, aka “The Tooth”, is now engaged and ready for an adulterous relationship soon. Just kidding. Congratulations to her clavicle breaking ass, but fuck her fiancé because none of us know him. He could be a sweet dude, but we’ll never know. Ellis took the kids and Katie horseback riding over the weekend. And just like you’d imagine someone named “The King of The West” would do, he took a cell phone call while riding and did an interview over the phone. Hey, did you know Ellis used to skateboard? Yup, he sure did. He also watched the Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth show this weekend, as did I, and it was fucking great. Circling back around to professional athletes and how stupid they are with money, everyone had their butthole clinch a bit when Tyson talked about being charged $8,000 for towels. Not because they were awesome towels, but because he wasn’t watching what shit-dick Don King was doing with Tyson’s money.


It hurts not so much here or here, but all over.

UFC news time, Rawdog did not watch it, GSP retained his title against Johny Hendricks (who spells Johnny with 1 N?), even though a ton of people thought he lost, including Dana White. A lot of GSP fans are pissed that anyone has an issue with him winning, of course, and apparently those people don’t like anyone to have an opinion that differs from their own. Dana was livid with the decision and blamed The Nevada State Athletic Commission, saying “they have a lot of work to do, that they make him sick, and they better figure out how to not destroy, not only the sport of boxing, but this sport, too.Hendricks also weighed in on the matter and says he doesn’t care if GSP retires or not, he just wants what is clearly his, the belt. Josh Koscheck was brutally knocked out by Tyron Woodley in the first round, leaving many to question if Koscheck has the chin for MMA anymore. Chael Sonnen was man-handled by Rashad Evans on Saturday, eventually leading to a knockout of Sonnen, which left me shrugging my shoulders because I’m not a big fan of either of those guys. But I’d say Chael needs to stick to his TV game and by the looks from the fight, Rashad probably has a chance to stick around fighting for awhile. Robbie Lawler won his fight with Rory MacDonald in a decision left to the judges. And finally, according to Dana White, Jon Jones has withdrew from UFC 170 due to injuries.


A proud Wilson in his new Red Dragons jeans.

In other big news, your Ugg boots, the ones made out of sheep skin? Yeah, they’re made out of sheep skin and a sheep has to die for you to look ridiculous. Okay, that doesn’t actually qualify for big news, but this does. Next Tuesday, November 26th is the release party for Big Fucking Mega Boat, with a live show at some go kart track and everyone is invited, even Wilson. According to local Thailand expert, Dingo, those people are greasy and he used to be full of grease as a young boy in Thailand. NFL news time with expert professional football statistician, Rawdog. Peyton (nay Paytaun) Manning threw the ball towards other guys that were themselves running towards the goal. There was a 2 hour windy mud delay in Chicago creating what might have been the longest football game in the history of tennis. Somebody kicked a field goal and then they won. Stealers beat the Lions by going hard in the paint for rebounds. Wilson is sporting some Red Dragons jeans that make his butt look incredible and cause people to scream Red Dragons anytime he passes by shaking his money maker. Just ask Katie. And Ashley. And your mom.

Jason says the show is repping Onnit hardcore, but oddly, they never mentioned a contest sponsored by Onnit because Onnit wants to give back to TJES fans. Strange, because you’d think a shitball website dedicated to TJES & running a contest by Onnit would be worthy of a mention, but nooooo. (Calm down, it’s a joke.) Anyway. This brought us into an episode of “You sir, are a moron.” The first topic up, should you have the right to burn the American flag? Next topic, how many times jerking off in one day is too many? Next, who is the most over-rated musician of all time? Next, would you turn your mom in if she killed someone? And then, what if your wife had an outtie belly button? I think there was another one before that, but I missed it. Next, is it wrong to give money to organizations like PETA? And finally, what is the highest job in “office” (political) would anyone on the show be qualified to hold? So there ya go, questions without answers to keep you up at night. But good news, I have one more question, this time with an answer to help give you closure. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? He cried because his wife got it in the divorce, along with the farm, his 3 kids, his happiness, his money, and his dog named Tim. Oh and his dignity. And there you have it. “Don’t die” is Ellis’ saying, so I’ll end this recap in my own way, while saying pretty much the same thing.


Show Re-cap for Thursday 10/3/2013

Today’s show was a highly anticipated one by all listeners as yesterday we were left with a ‘Best Of’ and a vague tweet from Jason which was interpreted by many as gloom and doom-y as possible. My twitter feed exploded with people vowing to drop their Sirius subscription, rallying for a fight, and pledging their allegiance to Ellisfam- and the always wonderful BitPimps helped calm many (or at least me, and I sort of count in the lesser grand scheme of things) with a post telling everyone to keep calm and harden the fuck up. Or something like that. But seriously, I spent the afternoon yesterday rationalising to myself all of the reasons that he couldn’t have been spontaneously fired and dreaming that he finally landed a television show after someone saw him on KTLA and saying, “He’s fucking amazing! Why doesn’t he have his own TV show?!?!?!?!?”

Getting right into it, skipping the intro music and ditching the robot voice, Ellis knew the listeners were waiting to know what the fuck happened yesterday and didn’t make anyone wait longer than necessary. In a nutshell: Will called Ellis yesterday as Ellis was driving in to the studio to tell him that someone at SiriusXM told him that some of there area was being hijacked (office space and the green room) to be turned into offices for someone else’s sales department and his studio was no longer going to be his studio, he was going to be sharing it with whomever else they decided to throw in there. Ellis said, “I didn’t agree to that” while thinking ‘I’m the fucking King of the West and last time we talked we all agreed that I deserve everything I’m asking for’ and decided to forgo doing the show because he’s a man who stands his ground. The ending is that the Big Bosses at SiriusXM worked everything out and said it was all a big mistake, and if that’s good enough for Ellis then that should be good enough for everyone. He is trying to do what is best for the show, get a producer, get the people working with him the money they deserve, and continue to do bigger and better things. The whole ordeal left him stressed out, talking about moving in with Katie, selling his car, and becoming a male prostitute, but once it was worked out it left him more driven then ever. Which is great. There’s nothing wrong with taking a stand.

Moving on.

Yesterday morning Ellis was on KTLA, which to my understanding is a morning talk show over in California, and he was awesome. He had a great time doing it, and thought it was hilarious that the teeny tiny female anchor was so pathetically weak that when she punched him she almost fell over. You should watch the clip, if you haven’t already, because Ellis is entertaining as hell and I realllllllllly find it hardd to believe that no one has given him his own TV show yet. Seriously, I don’t watch TV because there is nothing on it that is worth watching anyway, but I would tune in to watch tiny chicks punching a big tattooed Aussie in the face any day of the week. If you wouldn’t do the same…you suck and you’re lying to yourself. KTLA also served as a great place to plug Ellismania 9 as Sam Ruben is an anchor on KTLA, so they could talk about his upcoming fight with Tera Patrick.

Speaking of fighting…but wait no…because the TV has been installed in the studio!!!!! They spend a good few minutes commentating to random television and commercials (at some point one of them mentions that they are watching The Chew) while Wilson is begging them in the background to stop watching the tv and talking about it because the listeners can’t see what they are talking about and it was his worst fear coming to life. The Jason Ellis Show briefly turned into a bunch of guys on the radio reacting to things that they were seeing on tv and…still managing to be entertaining. Poor Wilson.

Speaking of fighting, but this time really, guess who sent Ellis a skateboard in the mail which featured Bruce Lee? You aren’t going to guess. It wasn’t Tony Hawk, or Nicole Richie, or Tatiana Ali…it was Dana White. A guy that Ellis is friends with that he can’t believe he is friends with. General consensus is that the Bruce Lee skateboard will be mounted on the wall in the studio, because that’s cool as shit. And…speaking of Dana White, the Ultimate Fighter was on last night. Ellis watched it and the guy with the earrings got beat up. That is all. This led to Ellis talking about his sparring partner last night, who was a fat mexican guy wearing a shirt that had a fat joke on it, because sometimes it’s just awesome to laugh at yourself. He didn’t look like the kind of guy who could do three three minute rounds, but he did and Ellis had a good time. Ellis talks about how awesome it is for people to go to the ‘real’ gym (read- boxing gym) to get in shape as opposed to mindlessly slapping their feet to the beat of ‘duh’ on the treadmill, because not only are they getting in shape and losing weight, but they are learning skills and staying engaged and interested. Rawdog thinks that you can get the same workout and health benefits from running on a treadmill and says that some people find it medatative. He also apparently thinks that he could run on a treadmill blindfolded. And he was wrong. Until he changed his mind and became right. Tully ran for a little while, not on a treadmill, and says he always felt like he was skiing or flying and it was a cool feeling, but he didn’t stick with it.

There were shots fired at the Capitol in Washington DC. Why is food on television so goddamn entertaining when it leaves you so unfulfilled? Look at them feeding all of the health food to the fat guy? Why are they zooming in and slow-mo-ing the old guy dancing? These are all questions you hear when you put a tv in a room of guys doing radio. TJES was a little bit ADD for a while. But seriously, what IS up with food tv? Ellis, Rawdog, and Tully all seem a little flumoxed over it as there is no satisfaction to be garnered from watching people cook and eat food on tv. So why do people do it? Why do women do it? Because it’s filler tv that you can just put on and space out to, clean the house, do the laundry, and you’re not really missing anything. Just like with soap operas. Take Ellis’s advice and just watch Spongebob, because the Bob always delivers. Tully brings up the point of porn (not food porn) because at least with porn, if you’re masturbating to it, you are getting some satisfaction. There is no food equivalent to this. If you are watching food tv, most likely the only thing that you are getting is hungry, and probably curious about what the fuck the EVOO shit is that Rachel Ray keeps talking about. It’s extra virgin olive oil.

The Hurricane was a boxer, not a natural disaster, who was falsely accused of murder and convicted of it back in the 60’s at the height of his boxing career. Which really sucks. What sucks even more was that he spent 20 years in jail and Bob Dylan wrote a song about him before some teenager finally managed to help get him a retrial and get him the fuck out of jail. Denzel Washington played him in the movie about this whole incident, and I’m wondering if they fit in the part where after he got out of prison he defected from America to our cousins in the North and moved to Toronto where he continued to be falsely accused of crime. At least the cops in Toronto realized their mistake in less than 20 years and released him- presumably with a “My bad, eh?” and a hearty Canadian handshake. Ellis thinks that Canada is a good place for black people because the people there are less racist. Tully thinks that the Hurricane is looking a little crazy these days…but that’s probably something that happens when the White Man steals 20 years of your life. Sorry, Hurricane.

If your wondering why you’re still paying taxes during the shutdown of the federal government, wonder no more, as the FBI shut down a website which was the online black market and dealt with goods on the wrong side of savory like heroin, cocaine, stolen credit cards, and child porn. Go feebs!! But, no, Tully still found that there are plenty places online to continue buying heroin. So, basically your taxes are paying for the Congressional salaries that don’t get affected by furlough. Fuck. Shit. Maybe that’s what the shooting at the Capitol was about.

Tully and Katie are undertaking Onnit’s ‘Look Good Naked’ challenge and today was Challenge Day One! Tully is going to look great in a speedo for his vacation when the challenge is over and Katie…is hot already, but there’s nothing wrong with getting in shape and we get to listed to her huff, puff, squeak, and moan. For The Win. The Onnit Look Good Naked Challenge is for everyone who wants to look better naked (who doesn’t) and it’s done three days a week for three weeks, with each week adding on more cycles of the exercises…or reps..or whatever you call them (because I’m that dumb gym bunny who is not down with the lingo) and the exercises they did were rope slams, alternating plial lunges, rope alternating uppercuts, push-up free burpees, and ab boat rowing. We got to hear what Tully and Katie sound like in the sack (Katie sounds better) and both of them did a really good job. Josh should be doing the challenge so that he could be ready for the fight at Ellismania 9 he’s participating in in a week and a half, but he isn’t, because what’s the point when everyone is rooting for him to lose anyway? Whaaaaaaaaaaa. No, Josh, Tully and Ellis are on your side and really want you to win, they just know that you don’t take fitness seriously and you talk funny and you admittedly could be working a lot harder to get ready for the fight. Fuck the fight, anyway! You should be doing the challenge in preperation for the FuckFest taking place afterward (which you WILL need an Ellismania ticket to participate in, if interested) because that’s gonna take hella lotta cardio stamina to get through. Ellisfam doesn’t fuck around. At FuckFests. Or maybe, yeah?

Go get your Ellismania 9 tickets!!!! Time is running out!!!! You don’t want to miss it like me, do you?!?!?!?!?! Of course you don’t!!! Tickets are at and I can tell you to go get them and go to Vegas because I don’t work for The Jason Ellis Show or SiriusXM. I don’t care if it’s your prerogative or not…go buy them and have a good time and meet the awesome fuckers from this site and party. You will have the oppurtunity to see Ellis fight Gabe Ruediger, Rawdog fight Nick Swardson, watch the prisoner fight, girl fight, leprechaun fight, musical chair fight, and more!!!!!!

There was a gathering in NYC of a crotch rocket club called the Hollywood Stuntz Race which resulted in some Ninja Knack Knack Champion of the World biker assholes chasing down a guy in a Range Rover where one of the bikers proceeded to break the driver’s side window with his helmet to pull the driver from the car and beat the ever loving shit out of him in front of his wife and toddler. Hmmmm…yes it’s true that the Range Rover put one of the biker’s in the hospital with some really bad injuries, but the biker in question was blocking in the RR and the driver was trying to get away. Bikers have a bad enough rep for no reason without bikers on crotch rockets giving them a reason. Seems like this involved a bunch of biker guys who were looking for a fight. In other bike news, apparently there are gangs of hipster bicyclists across the nation who are biking for their right to disobey traffic laws and ride drunk with police escorts so they don’t get hit while running red lights. Are you fucking kidding me? I agree with Tully, these people are fucktards who are angry with the world and are tying their anger to a pointless cause and wrecking it for themselves because they are assholes.

Wilson leads the guys in a game of Google Auto Complete Says What? with the theme of prejudices. We learn that the English speaking users of google are wondering about stinky french people, chinese cat food (made from cats), Jews refusing to shop at Hitler or leave Iran (NOT the Holy Land), Italians who don’t wear shorts, Koreans without souls, Japanese people who don’t say ‘I love you’, Indians who can’t say no or swim, Russians who don’t die, Aussie’s who all don’t like peanut butter (because they have the superior vegimite), and women who believe in wedge loafers. Will takes offense to google auto complete shining a light on the fact that people are asking google why white people have no lips, because he has kissable bee-stung lips that fix computer moniters with a single kiss.

During final calls (where none of the final calls were of show-ending standard) the conversation turned to Mia Farrow hinting at Frank Sinatra being her baby daddy instead of Woody Allen, Justin Bieber being carried on the shoulders of two black men on the Great Wall of China, and Miley Cyrus. Why they hell is there such an outrage about everything Miley does? Tully and Ellis bring up the point that there is nothing she is doing now that the other Disney Darlings weren’t doing ten years ago and that Madonna wasn’t doing 100 years ago (or however old she is). Rawdog thinks Sinead O’Connor has some good points in her open letter to Miley, which Miley dissed on twitter because she’s Miley and she’ll lick all of the hammers she wants while swinging naked on wrecking balls because that shit sells. Ellis is right, she knows what she’s doing and she knows what is going to keep people talking about her. The reason people freak out more about Miley? Because she was Hannah Montana and a billion 5 year olds want to do everything she does…she didn’t start out in a sexy school girl outfit or belly dancing her way out of a genie bottle, she started out wanting the Best of Both Worlds and doing the Hoedown Throwdown, so parents the world over don’t want their children witnessing what happens when someone grows up because they don’t want to be involved enough in their children’s lives to teach them right from wrong themselves.

If you have never seen the Boondock Saints, or if you haven’t seen it in a long time, go watch it on Netflix so you can know what everyone is talking about on the show on Monday. Rawdog and Tully have never seen the movie and have committed to watching it over the weekend and discussing it with Ellis on Monday’s show. Also, if you are a man or a woman who thinks they can beat out the current reigning Little Miss Jason Ellis, or if you are an unsigned band or an unsigned fart, show the guys what you have and send it to Tomorrow, Ellis will be giving away tickets to Ellismania, so if you are going to Vegas and haven’t gotten your tickets, listen to the show tomorrow and score some freebies!!!!

Things we learned:

Mario Batali kept his restaurant open on 9/11 to fight terrorism

Tiggie threw Daddy under the bus at school for having a black eye

Ellis is driving to Ellismania and doesn’t need a plane ticket

If Ellis makes it to 80 he may just have 5 wives

Ellis’s grandfather was a tranny late in life and was damn happy because of it

ALL MEN HAVE PUSSIES…in their prostate

Katie likes Hanna Montana but hates that Miley stole her haircut

Terry Crewes is bumping asses with Dr. Oz (who looks like a zombie)

Hipster messenger bag bicyclists are fucking assholes

Stunt Riding on motorcycles is not a real sport

Ellis will kill american ninjas

Katy Perry is a better singer than Miley Cyrus

Ellis would give up everything he has to have his brother back




Show Re-Cap for Monday 6/17/2013

naked_gun_leslie_nielsenFull studio today, Tully is back from his super secret mega meeting on a movie set, Dingo is back from New York, Rawdog is no longer grounded, and Ellis is there in his normal chair. Tully wears pajamas and buys top of the line slippers, not that ratty looking shit, he’s on top of his slipper game. Ellis and Dingo are straight boxer shorts wearing mofo’s, no word about Rawdog’s sleepwear but I’m just going to pretend he wears a see through nightgown. Ellis confession time. Ellis’ therapist said he was supposed to go out and ask a pretty girl for their number, he even went out and got a book about how to pick up chicks. He went out to put himself in the position to meet new people and got bored and left. STEEERIKE 1! However, he did go out to see Ironman 3 with a chick last night, but he fell asleep. STEEERIKE 2! Ellis also just signed a deal to fight somebody, so he’s back out of retirement and in the fight game. Ellis and Rawdog went out on a double-date with each other, they all met at Chateau Marmont for $400 drinks and food. Ellis might be have obtained celebrity status as he was ushered into the “special” area and Rawdog was not to be trusted and had to be walked to the table to make sure he belonged there. Rawdog was the one to suggest they go there to take Ellis out to apologize for Friday’s fiasco. But as soon as that bill came, he balked on Ellis paid the tab. Tully got his breakfast on Friday paid for by a billionaire. He was on the set of a baseball movie that he’s writing the book for. It’s about two dudes that travel to India looking to draft some dudes to be the majors or some shit. He got to meet Jon Hamm, Bill Paxton, the kid from that movie Life of Pi, and some other people. The UFC fights weren’t so great this time, even Dana admitted they sucked. There was a bunch of MMA talk and some secret “Mac” guy, whose also a pro fighter, even called in to discuss some the aspects.

glitter_is_my_favorite_colorWomen, am I right time! Miss Utah sounded ridiculously stupid recently when she tried to give an insightful answer on gender inequality in America. Watch what you do with your wad fellas. Ladies can take your wad from the tissues you blew in and jam that cock snot into their vag and make a baby. Wad can be preserved! New York’s “hot dog hooker” has been arrested again, her wiener’s bring all the boys to the yard. Some dude on a train was talking about cheating on his wife and some chick on the train overheard it and tweeted that shit to Facedong and it got a shitload of likes and nobody knows if the wife found out. A pregnant woman in New Orleans reached over a counter and helped herself to a frozen daqueri, after being confronted, she produced a hand gun and threatened shoot the motherfucker. Pregnant and drunk is no way to go through life, sister. Some drunk lawyer chick in Brooklyn threw her panties at cops during her freak out and yelled “suck my pussy” and “eat my ass, you fucking pigs!” This is not the lawyer you want defending you. Bonus, her boyfriend broke up with her. A Canadian female police officer reported being shot, causing a hunt for the gunman, turns out she shot herself. Some other dipshit chick walked into a glass door and then was trying to sue for physical and emotional damages, but not brains.

wutang_beesHollyturd news time. Lil’ Wayne hates America, he stepped all over the American flag while “rapping” in one of his music videos. Also he plans to retire. Yay! Samsung is going to be giving 1 million of their customer’s a copy of Jay-Z’s new album “N-bombs in Wisconsin”. Obama vs Putin in a swimming competition, and something about Ed Hardy garbage. More stuff, but I was in traffic and forgot. The one thing I didn’t forget? It’s Thomas Haden Church’s birthday today, so happy birthday (not paying royalties for it) to that legend! Malicexxx and some Tara chick came on the show for some wad talk, it was wadalicious. There was some talk about bears and sharks too, but I was still in traffic and busy wishing everyone would just crash so I could get through – so I’m not real sure what else to say about those two animals. Instead, I’ll tell you this. Three sluts are in a bar. The first slut says, “my vag’s so big, I can fit a whole fist in!” The second slut says, “So what? I can fit two!” The third slut just smiles and slides slowly down the barstool. OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 4/11/13

Rape Dragons!

                      Rape Dragons!

You’d think today was like any other Thursday, but nah mate you are, and things were a bit off today.  The romper stomper intro just wasn’t doing it for ol’ Ellismate.  No Rawdog today, still got the jew aids, which Ellis thinks he may be getting too which sucks Will’s toe.  Just weird was all, but not a sign of loosing it by any means.  But what if Ellis or Tully lost it, and not just their radio goldness, but their overall shit?  Tully plans to have a trusted few to which he can ask just that, and if they all agree he’s off his rocker, then it must be true.  Of course we all remember Ellis retirement plan…..Heroin n XBox.  But again like I said, they haven’t lost a thing – straight into yesterday’s truck pulling Tully proposition.  Seems Will is a fucking hater from way back concerned Tully may hit a stick along his path to certain death.  But as Ellis reminded Will, it was JizzCult that let the show Tug-O-War a MMA fighter which is extreme!  Tully reminded Jizz that Ellis knows the safe word so shit’s cool.  None the less Ellis found the ‘Chinese Loophole’, not to be confused with the ‘Russian Corkscrew’, which was just to film it and put it on Ellismania and Bob’s Your Uncle!  So is Will Pendarvis III a giant pussy or does his alleged wrestling of alligators at the tender age of 8 mean anything to you?  How about Rape Dragon, does that ring a bell?  If no, well thank Barry cause it’s just some shit from the show you don’t need to worry about for now, moving on….Tully gave us a sneak peek at a new Death!Death!Die! track that Bert McCracken laid some vocals down for which were similar to let’s say Axl Rose forgetting to use an over mitt, it was fucking awesome!



Dom says men who see this, want this!

Dom says men who see this, want this!

If you haven’t heard the producer Dom yet, man you really don’t catch much of the show huh.  Well turns out ol’ herpes stoke face has been pitching like 50 bits a day to Ellis N Tully and using no discretion at all, kinda like us #EllisFam and twitter, OH!  While doing his best to entertain us with penis enhancement, and all because of David Beckham’s junk, Ellis figured out why Dom sucks so fucking much, its his voice.  If he had a Bane mask, then he could be hilarious and overcome the material.  Tully, being all Oxford and what not, devised a sweet Bane starter kit, with the kung fu grip, and Lil’ Bane was born.  But Dom doesn’t have the deepest of voices, and apparently when he tries to make his voice deeper, he also quiets it.  Also turns out Dom is very RawDog-esc, having troubles rolling his R’s as just one example.  But with the Lil’ Bane starter kit, and his new found New York Caribbean voice, our new producer is tolerable to say the least.  After all that laughter, nothing but MMA news for dat ass!  Dana White tweeted something about the Ultimate Fighter Challenge which is Saturday, April 13th at 9:00pm on FX I’m pretty sure but you’ll see it.  Also don’t forget UFC Fox 8 coming to well Fox I guess pretty soon too.  Ronda Rousey says Fallon Fox ain’t cutting it, OH!  Ok I’ll stop with the OH’s for now, but come on that was super cheesy and yes I punched myself in the dick.  From there it was nothing but talk about  how Frankie Edgar’s name is hard to remember and that he use to not cut weight, and how cutting weight’s for pussies.  How one day Rawdog will just have a daily Dork Fuck Fest for a good 5 years as Tully see’s it.  And don’t forget the immortal words of Mayhem Miller, “Posture Mate, Posture Mate”, which luckily were no help to Tony Gianopoulos Jr.



Today's show is brought to you by....

Today’s show is brought to you by….

Did you hear about the guy who walked into Home Depot, cut his arms off, and holy shit dude cut his fucking arms off?  The good news is he’s got them pretty much sold to Danzig who will be touring with 4 arms, and well that’s it just 4 arms, kinda cool.  Eden Alexander is pretty fucking cool too, been in over 75 porn films, kicks dudes in the balls, and tomorrow’s her birthday!  She came by the show today cause she’s fucking hot so why not, and to play a game.  Before that, check this shit out, Stage 5 Squirter is who were dealing with here folks.  She’s a Power Squirter and can control that shit.  She’s able to build it up, which is increased by fucking a lot, and can shoot it about 14 feet in distance, Pink Dragons to you my friend.  So would Dom trade the verbal abuse he constantly deals with in exchange for spankings from Eden? “Not Really” was the answer I “Swearsed” I heard.  All good though, cause we gonna play us some Medium Sized Dick Karaoke, cause its funny and since the big cock was missing.  But what you don’t know is the medium sized cock can also shoot a load whenever you’d like.  And what you also don’t know if Dom, or someone, didn’t check to see it fit the belt they have, of course it doesn’t.  No worries, while Dom Lil’ Bane holds his medium sized cock, Anal Gay has to hold Lil’ Bane’s mask all dutch rudder like n all.  Paradise City was the song and Eden was on the cock mic cock-mic, Lil’ Bane was on the….shit you get the idea.  Eden did a pretty damn good job as Lil’ Bane creepily had his way with her face.  Not to worry though, Eden got her revenge by spanking Lil’ Bane for a good 20 spanks.  Pound for Pound a lot of fun but I guess you had to be there.



Great Defense!

     Great Defense!

We heard some new old rejoins, one of which had never been played before, so suck it!  Remember that whole MMA cutting weight shit I kinda skimmed over, well Ellis has a friend who says there is a limit to how much weight fighters can gain back after they’ve weighted in, but again that’s for pussies.  Real man would weight in after dominating a hot dog eating contest.  And stretching, fuck that, put Jack Daniels in my water bottle n come n get you some!  Hollywood News and Jay-Z told Obama to come get him some, well not really but he did rap back to the Cuba trip talk n all, check it out.  Flavor Flav is headed to court for chasing or being chased with a butcher knife or some shit if your interested.  Gwyneth Paltrow has some book out about eating so healthy it becomes unhealthy but you gotta go look that one up yourself.  Turns out Justin Bieber is in Hollywood News today go figure, but he is NOT the #1 followed person on Twitter, not after you take out his 50% of fake followers, and there are other famous people maybe guilty of the same thing?  And if you ain’t heard it all, this is why – Black Sabbath, who’s releasing a new album, decided to get the word out on an episode of CSI, yup!  Then Ellis got a little off subject, and Tully rather than guide him back opted to join in….Yao Ming could beat up Kareem Abdul-Jabar….Kevin Garnett has a little head and is friends with Jerry Stackhouse….Juwan Howard….Luc Longley bangs mad hoe’s…..The entire ’96 Bulls team sucks balls and tea bags Phil Jackson.   Glad that’s over, now back to the #EvilEnvelope talks from yesterday, which is just an envelope of punishments for when you fuck up.  Ellis n Tully read a few of the ideas from today, which were wearing ‘Juicy’ pants for a show, calling someone’s mom and askign her out, picking a cup and drinking it from water, toilet water, your pee!  There were tons more, that were just good laughs for us all, and I also think they took a few ideas they didn’t mention as well.  All in all a pretty good job Ellis Fam, but still not as good as that one time we all took turns sitting in a car full of bee’s, getting out and having your grandma squirt all over us to soothe the burn and hydrate us back to health, OH!

Best of Re-Cap for Thursday 3/21/2013

Well slap my sister upside the trailer, how the hell how ya #EllisFam?  It’s Thursday, so only got a few more hours of giving a fuck before we let our true internal loverboy loose cause everybody’s working for the weekend.  Look, I’m sorry for that last one, here’s how your uncle Ghostload, and the fine folks at NoYouAre can make it up to you.  Before we can get to that, let me introduce you to the highly paid and very well off staff you vicariously live through each and every day…..


@bitpimps (He’s on everything really, twitter, instagram, your mom, etc.)

lBit got his NYA proverbial dick wet before all of us.  He’s the ace, the guru, and has possibly the most free time as you see on twitter.  He was the first to ever post on the site, with what was just a general monthly overview of the show back in December of 2011, but read the last paragraph and you’ll see why he’s well BitPimps!  The idea of the doing these more often didn’t take much longer to blossom, and thus was born our first daily recap on January 23, 2012, and also the birth of something even bigger smaller than that, but we’ll get to that tomorrow.



@AZ_RedDragon  (Same as bit, usually at same time too!)

Fucked UpAZ is just the man, up front, right out the gates.  He’s definitely the muscle and our heart of NYA, and who better to tell you he he is, well than himself in his first ever post back in January 2012.  From there is was just cases of beer and anal with your mom for a month or so, until we were blessed with the first of many well worth the wait recaps on March 14, 2012.  It was a Wednesday by the way, read up on who or what…..



@wiz1010  (a.k.a. Ghostload, also like other two above, but Im filming!)

84876707ea56f96d5e56c16b7363d38cGhostload’s like the guy who talks in 3rd person, ya know the face figure of NYA, sorta like the Puff Daddy to NYA’s Biggie.  Now Ghostload came out the box swinging hard, with pictures n all, well mostly all with his first recap on October 10, 2012.  It’s pretty much been downhill since there, but the kid’s got a lot of swagger so anything’s possible.  Be sure to get it up ya on twitter, instagram and at your mom’s house.



@CrackerStacker6  (a.k.a Branden, same as others above, but with more style)

get_default_image.phpBranden is the disturbingly creative mind of the NYA and keeps us all on our toes, and sleeping with one eye open.  Once he joined the NYA crew it was immediately off with the hulk gloves n Branden went hard in the muthafucking paint with his first recap on January 30, 2013.  He’s is definitely an intricate part of all this chaos, and your mom’s anus as well!



@shit_toboggan (a.k.a. Alex, again ditto as above, but usually no one makes it out alive)

4632452_300Now if I’m not mistaking, I believe Alex is the only of us all to compete in EllisMania, so fucking shout out for that shit!  He joined the NYA ledges and just went ape-shit on the keyboard on his first recap back on February 5, 2013.  Since then he’s been shoplifting your attention, and your mom’s monthly government checks!



Now if your still reading this, your probably taking me seriously on the whole I’ll make it up to ya.  Well, truth is you can go fuck yourself for all I care, unless your EllisFam, which again if your still reading this your probably are.  So for you, I have pulled a few random favorite recaps of mine for you to jerk it to.  Enjoy….

February 7, 2012:  All kinds of goodies here, Rude Jude, DanOD5, and of course the NMT discover of Die Antwoord, fuck yeah!

May 25, 2012:  Classic Picture and MMA is 5% gay!

July 2, 2012:  Bit’s true identity is leaked by AZ, I probably shouldn’t have pulled this one but fuck it.

August 17, 2012:  Ellismate finally on TMZ?  Doing stuff with Gabi, so hot!

September 20, 2012:  Dog Center!!!  Oh, and the birth of Jizz Cult.

November 19, 2012:  The “You Don’t Know Shit About Ellis” game.  Fuck I didn’t even remember this.

December 6, 2012:  Mike Dolce’s diet.  The last time we ever hear from Dana White.