Show Re-Cap for Monday 9/22/2014

So… here we are again, another Monday recap for you to wrap your brain around. Show started off with a hiccup or two, sound issues – someone has been fucking with the boards and things might sound a little wonky, but let’s roll with it and make it a bit for the first 15 minutes of the show. The engineer came in to fix the audio, so Ellis apologized and played 1 more song so the engineer can work his magic. Apparently there was a bet that Ellis wouldn’t be here today since he went racing this weekend. Ellis had himself a pretty good weekend racing. The guys mentioned the untimely death of Brett but didn’t want to discuss how or details because he doesn’t have 100% for sure facts, they also mention the untimely death of Eric the Midget. With all the sad out of the way, and hopefully all of the bad out of the way too, the show pushed on.

cocksucker

Who has been fucking with the board over the weekend?

Ellis was thrilled with North Carolina, he loved the people, the fans, the food, all of it was mind blowing to him. Tiger has given Ellis the sickness, so that’s a bummer, but it is what it is – diseases man. So on to the races. Ellis yardsaled once like he’s known to do sometimes. He flipped the car end over end, got a bit of a concussion and some whiplash, and was left upside down for about 10 minutes. That part was on filmed too, so you’ll be able to easily spot him, he’ll be the one yardsaling like champ. He wrote that car off, which is pretty spectacular because it doesn’t happen very often, at least to all the other racers. It took him a bit to realize that his car was in 2WD and there was a little button to push that put it in 4WD. As soon as he was in 4WD, he’s like “holy shit! This is handling so much better!” Go figure. He gets done with his race and people are telling him that he qualified for the main, and he doesn’t believe it, there must be a mistake. He doesn’t even know how he did and is happy with that alone, much less anything else that may be coming up. By the way, these races will be televised on CBS or some shit and he’ll let everyone know when as soon as he knows. The people at the track had told Ellis if they have a spare car, they will give it to him. Turns out this dude in the Pro AM class is willing to give Ellis his buggy to race in. BOOM! Ellis qualified for the main again! Turns out that dude was a crazy redneck and ended up crashing his shit too and trashed it, so no car for Ellis again. In the end, Ellis went through 3 different cars, all of which ended up busted to shit – but he wasn’t responsible for all busting. He’s been invited back, he’s also going to have a buggy in California he can practice in. He was thrilled with it all and is still amazed by how nice everyone there was. All, he fell in love the BBQ and mac & cheese.

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You going to Horse Force?

This year is the 10 year anniversary of Tony Hawks radio show, on Saturday Faction will be going to a big event with a bunch of special guests, including Tenacious D, that you can get tickets to. Horse Force – Tour de Horse is indeed still on for playing in New York at the Gramercy Theatre on October 25th, and Ellis has talked to Christian and everything is all fine and it’s all water under the bridge. There’s talk about another Horse Force show after New York that sounds pretty big, so be on the lookout for that. In Pot News, a news anchor in Alaska, Charlo Greene, quit her job on-air so she could focus on legalizing weed in the state. Skateboard correspondent Chris Cole called into the show to fill us in on some Dew Tour news in Brooklyn. Somebody won, somebody lost, somebody was good, and somebody sucked. Ellis & Chris traded old skate stories for awhile and talked about how Pink skated at Woodard before she was Pink (she was white). HEYOH! MMA News, I missed all of that thanks to work getting in the way. But hey, on the plus side, no spoilers!

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All men have cried at least once. Wait, no they haven’t.

Canadian News time, Calgary was overrun with 542 Batmen to set a new Guinness World Record, organized by the United Way charity. Remember when Ellis said Borgman was a good movie to watch? Well it is/was and some people even agreed. However, here’s a movie Ellis does not recommend you watch The Honeymoon, it was like having a load of balls in your mouth. I soon got lost because there was talk about some brother from Moon Patrol Twilight’s brother to a guy who’s brother is Guy but his brother is better than Tom Cruise and brother put together, mother brother. I can’t tell if we’re talking about printers, movies, or pound cake. He watched another movie on the plane and cried after the movie, it was a documentary about a race car driver called Center Senna. There we go, Ayrton Senna, that’s the ticket. Tully finds he cries very easily watching movies on planes, the last time Will cried was at the end of The Notebook. Seriously, Will? Then work interrupted again and I came into the story about the Django Unchained actress getting busted having sex with her boyfriend in their car. After that, it was time for a quick impression by Hotdog. He was just as good if not better than Stupid Tits as his impression mysteriously ate all the same food he does in real life. Turns out, it was Marilyn Monroe, who he knows nothing about.

conor-mcgregor

Crooby McBoober in studio.

After a quick break, Conor McGregor came into the studio. You may know him by the other names he’s been called, Cooner McGrubby, Clooney McGrooby, etc. He’s a well dressed Irishman in the UFC and thinks American’s don’t know how to dress. He sounds like a good guy (not in the IRA) and was a good talker (I could understand him) and rolled with the questions like champ (he just might be soon). It was an entertaining interview and if you’re an MMA fan, I suspect you will be entertained too. A US based massage therapist has undergone surgery to add a third breast so she can become a reality TV star. She’s kind of like the Griswold’s family truckster of titties. WWE correspondent and fellow Wolfknives member, Blowgay Simpson, called in to give us an update on wrastlin’, Cena-stravaganza at Hell In A Cell, and the new Divas champion. Did you know 7-Up used to contain lithium? That’s right, it did and it stopped people from killing their families until 1950. And that’s when people started killing their families. Coincidence? Hey, Wolf Scrub is out, it’s for sale now on Etsy, and it is most likely safe for your ass, as far as anyone knows. I mean, in case Mr. X is wondering. And there you have it. Today’s show. Now I gotta go poop.

Show Re-Cap for Friday 4/25/2014

Welcome to a very special Friday recap of The Jason Ellis Show. Ellis started off by educating is an d shit. He said when you truly give it all you got you can accomplish anything and be awesome or something like that. Ellis also says that he’s been getting a barrage of hateful tweets from O&A fans saying he’s a fag and hopes he has AIDS but thankfully Tully says that hate deaths are down and that’s a good thing. Jetta doesn’t hate other people but he is completely shoe racist and won’t wear Adidas. Ellis won’t wear Rebok or Affliction either unless you pay him enough, so I guess he’s kinda brand racist too but that’s okay because anybody wearing Affliction clothing is probably too stupid to know anyway. The UFC this weekend (yesterday) with crazy bones jones (guess who won). I’m not gonna give you any spoilers though, that’s Twitters job. Ellis also got his beard trimmed in Hollywood and he remembered why that place sucks balls so much, it’s all the Persians and their richer than you, I know P Ditty bullshit. Nobody cares if you know P Diddy, my friend once got kicked in the chest by Phil Anselmo so suck it! Ellis then talked about the surgery he needs to fix his heart so it doesn’t get all crazy fucked up again. Speaking of getting all fucked up (Segway pro!) Tully went to a Cochella party and smoked a bunch of weed, which he never does, and then went to bed. That mother fucker is a party animal! Then a guy called in and asked when it’s time to get divorced. The answer is now, now is a good time. If you’re asking that question then run like your head is on fire and your ass is catchin!

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In Cock News there was a story on the TV show Sex Sent Me To The ER, a dude named Sean went into the great out doors naked because his chick laughed at his performance between the sheets and a legless lizard climbed up inside of his pee hole. After they did that riveting story of nature and pee holes the guys then gave some new Wolfknife members their names. I’d tell you what they all are but I didn’t write them down so tough shit. If you want some Wolfknife gear of your own go to http://www.shopbenchmark.com/jasonellis and hook yourself up. Use promo code NoYouAre for a 0% discount.

The Grenade Games 10 is this weekend also (hell it’s probably over by now) hosted by Danny and Dingo. If you want more information on this epic event go to Grenadegloves.com. They played a video of John Dailey hitting a golf ball out of a woman’s

This is why girls aren't allowed to play i the Grenade Games.

This is why girls aren’t allowed to play in the Grenade Games.

mouth but she left with all her teeth so I’m not gonna waste my time looking for it. Dan Bilzarian is a millionaire playboy guy who has way too many Instagram followers and also has a video of him throwing some chick off his roof into his pool. I did find this video because she busted her foot and I know what my readers want! That and she’s naked. Cosmos wrote a story on the things men do in secret. Some of those things are:

  • Hang towel off penis, yup
  • Dries balls with blow dryer, allegedly
  • Tinker with things AKA fix shit, duh
  • Tuck their penises between their legs, no comment
  • Try to suck ourselves off, nope, can’t reach
  • Rub their stomachs, why is this on here
  • Eat things without proper bowls, dishes, or proper utensils, less shit to wash later
  • Flex in the mirror, welcome to the gun show
  • And they think what they would do if the building they were in were attacked by assassins, whoop ass, period!

In Canadian News Prime Minister Bigfoot’s kid had a party at the Canadian White House (probably just a really big log cabin) and there was a lady barfing outside in the drive. I think download (5)this made the news because most of the snow is melted so the weather department doesn’t have much else to do. Cumtard came in with a new bit he put together while on vacation. He showed pictures of everyone on the show to random people at Comicon and asked them questions about the people in the photos. The general consensus is that Will is an angry cho-mo, Kevin should work at a video game store, Jetta is a raging weiner wrestler, Tully looks suspiciously normal, and Ellis probably committed a felony. They were almost right. This inspired me to show people pictures of yer mum and the general reply was raging boners and a stinging burning feeling during urination, OH!