Show Recap for Monday 2/23/2015 – EllisMania 10 Edition

Hi everybody! It was great seeing you all in Vegas, what a blast we had together! I met so many new faces, we shared laughter, stories, food, and good times. We’ve got a lot to cover today, so let’s just dive right into it, shall we? So today’s show was pre-taped, yesterday, about the events from the day before, but aired on Faction today. Let’s try and do this. It’s really not that hard. We already covered Friday’s live show, but we didn’t get to talk about HATEBEAN’s first and last performance that night, nor the Tiger Box concert later that same night, after HATEBEAN! Only HATEBEAN was live on OfficialJasonEllis.com, Tiger Box however, was not – though I believe it was filmed and will eventually be on the site as well. See? Simple, right? Continue reading

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 11/28/2012

What else do we do on a Wednesday, but pass the doobie to the left, your mom to the right, and listen the The Jason Ellis Show.  And we do this with a passion!  Similar to the passion that Jason reminds us we must have in order to achieve greatness.  If you wanna be the best at something, pound for pound, you have to get so good that it becomes boring, and then get better than that.  Yes that pound for pound line means @TheDingoInSnow joined the show today to riff, starting with last night’s bad ass Machine Head and Deathclock show.  Were you there?  Ellis almost wasn’t, but you know he knows a guy who knows a guy, and in the backdoor Ellismate went, laminated pass and all.  He made it backstage and chilled out on some couch, only to see Robb Flynn near by.  Ellis got to hang with the band, and Rob was a good host, hooking Ellismate up with something that remains unkown.  Apparently the bassist Adam is a big fan of Ellismania, as he gave a ‘Fuck Yeah’ after confirming Ellis did in fact set up a fight with Dave Mirra, and Adam also offered to be in an upcoming event!  Of course it can’t all go perfectly, as the drummer is apparently sponsored by Yamaha, and he will have to live with that every day of his life.  While the band was performing, Ellis made his way into the Mosh Pit for the last song in the set, Halo (Which Ellismate got a shoutout from the band, and totally missed it – Rawdog caught it though).  All in all a bad ass night, and shoutout to EllisFam Butterballs and FonzoBlunt who were mentioned at the show as well.  Oh and as for the bitches, Rawdog reports there are quite a few but mostly there with dudes.  Ellis said he saw more than enough hotties that were single, and Tully reminds us that all women are single, some just more than others!  Ellismate has also been finding it hard to rap, for his upcoming rap debut for Death! Death! Die!  He also finds it hard to believe that Phil Anselmo is racist as some have alleged.  It sounds like he isn’t racist, just Pro White.  Did you know that only 45 murders occurred in Canada in 2011, per Rawdog per Twitter, so you know its true.  We then listened to some bullshit lists on which country has the most murder.  On all these lists, the US was way down, which could be true but seemed hard to believe.  Of course none of that was as hard to believe as when Dingo found out that a turtle shits its dick out, a snake has two dicks, and a chameleon has two dicks that change color, but you already knew that didn’t ya smart guy!

 

White Power……is for pussies.

 

Is Yoko Ono trying to fuck over the world, or just the gay scene on West Hollywood?  Whatever she’s doing, she sparked a heated debate between Dingo/Rawdog and Ellis/Tully about who would wear her crazy shit.  Dingo tried to imply the gay scene would, which offended Tully to no end, almost to the brink of leaving the show, until he saw this video from Yoko Ono back in 1967 that just made it all better.  So what does it mean when you have a dream about your teeth falling out or crumbling? How the fuck should I know……..that Harry Connick Jr. isn’t a racist, but Australia is and is not afraid to show it!  Just like the ol’ nursery rhyme goes “Catch a nigga/tiger by the toe, if he hollers let him go”, and you can see the difference between the Australian/American versions, hmmm.  Onto where its not racist, Hollywood and our favorite segment, Hollywood News.  Steven Tyler and Nicki Minaj are having a twitter battle over Bob Dylan and racism.  Red Dragons to all of the Ellis Show and Dingo too for not having a clue as to who was on the panel of American Idol, even Rawdog didn’t know!

Nah Mate, You Are!

Moving right along, Adam Levine says The Roxy can just fuck off as far as he’s concerned. In other Hollywood News, comedian Katt Williams led police on a chase while getting 3 wheel motion the whole time.  The fat chic from Precious (Mo’Nique) lost almost 200 pounds, and looks more and more like 50 Cent each day.  And last but certainly not least, if you have an extra $600K laying around, and your in the Hollywood Hills area, check this plot of land out being sold by Jack Nicholson, get it up ya!

 

Joanna Angel stopped by the show, and I think we all know why.  Before we get to that, and some other fun shit, Ellis had to call her out for being on some other douches podcast.  Some Neil Strauss homo who has a maid and whore d’oeuvres, what a poser.  In fairness to Joanna, her and Ellismate weren’t clear on their radio monogamy.  That also reminded Joanna of her advice to Rawdog the last time she was in the studio, you know the “Don’t you cum yet” advice, only to find out if either ruined Josh’s relationship (since it ended), or she just wasted her wisdom.  Turns out it wasn’t either, Josh did his own doing with regards to it ending and Ellismate took the advice home with him, and it worked like a champ!  Now onto the real business at hand, The Reckoning.  Joanna will be dancing that night prior to the big event.  She’s planning to wear a sexy devilish outfit, to go with Rawdog’s brides maid attire.  Oh and Dingo volunteered to cup Rawdog’s balls, what a guy.  Joanna also took the time to offer advice to Rawdog, since she too has a small throat and Blaht a gag reflex.  She told him to drink some tea the night before, and that he could get some numbing spray (though unessecary), and most important he needs to enjoy it.  Josh was also reminded that vomit is just nature’s lube.  If you can make it on December 15th to Cheetah’s for ‘The Reckoning’, what the fuck are you still doing here reading this shit?  So naturally with Joanna in the studio, and this event taking place at a strip club, it only could lead to one idea…..Lap Dance Off.  After about 15 minutes of on air setup, and stories of Tully stiffing strippers on lap dances, we got to business.  5 contestants for this consisting of Ellis, Rawdog, Tully, Dingo and Cumtard (Jizz Cult was to be included, but we just fucking forgot ok).  Each took one turn giving a blindfolded Joanna the lap dance of her nightmares.  Dingo went first, and followed the ‘No Touch’ club rules for his dance, which just didn’t score well for him or her.  Second was Rawdog, and from the sounds of it he did a damn good job, simulating a BJ and all that shit.  Tully was up third, and just went bonkers with some crazy high energy raviging of Joanna.  The Wing took the 4th try, and basically just choked her out n shit.  Cumtard was 5th and final, and went bare ass for his dance, rubbing said ass all over poor Joanna.  All in all it was a good effort, but Joanna wouldn’t be frequenting this club much after today.  She did omit that Ellismate and his barbarian tactics were the best of the group!

 

Thats two songs, 25 each, so 50 bucks fuck wad!

 

Having trouble selling your car on ebay?  How about whoring your daughter for a few pictures to help seal the deal like this dude did.  Do you know how much it costs to book Creed for an appearence?  $150K damn it.  Despite Dingo calling extreme bullshit on this, it may be true says Cumtard and this article from yourmom.com.  Then we were told Kevin Federline gets $300K for an appearence, and this just pissed DIngo off to no end, throwing Monster Energy cans across the room and shit.  Ellis said there have been talks he may have some appearences coming up soon.  Of course he’ll be looking at more like Tony Yayo money, $7k per appearence.  They then talked about celebrity rider’s too, mentioning Mariah Carey requiring a person on hand to take her chewed gum, and that DMX must have 3 boxes of rubbers and a bottle of Hennessy, Red Dragons!  Speaking of Red Dragons, Joanna was informed the video of her screaming that phrase is the #1 video on Ellismania.com, prompting Tully to offer a suggestion for the sequel = Rawdog.  Serisouly, Josh to be in the movie, but with a body double for the sex scenes.  He can make his Bruce Willis face n dirty robot talk, and then splice in some other dude banging Joanna, and Bob’s your uncle.  The body double of course would be hung like a Clydesdale, but thats a different story.  Then we were witness to a contest between Dingo and Ellis, to see who knows anyhting about Arkansas.  We got nothing, I mean its in Atlanta, and in the top right of America, near Masachusettes or maybe Wisconsin.  Look, Ellis n Dingo got street smarts.  “We draw pictures” and “Spell with our fists” so fuck off!  On a serious note, if you got a few extra bucks to help, you can bid on a day with The Jason Ellis Show and help SiriusXM fight hunger.  Unfortuantely you can’t bid on a day with your mom, cause she is currently obsessed with trying to #fucktully, maybe next year!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 10/23/2012

It’s Tuesday, and is there a Heaven for the EllisFam?  Some random preacher dude was telling Ellis, before the show, some shit about the Ultimate Real of heaven.  How everyone would be the funniest ever, and know everyone better than they did before, and have legendary licks just like Jimi Hendrix.  Bullshit!  Would be more like hell for Chad Reed if everyone could handle a Kawasaki like ol’ 22!  Tully thinks the world is culturally imperialistic for thinking their region specific religion is better than anyone elses, well with the internet giving us access to all walks of life.  He was also on Steam Pipe Alley back in the day, but thats a whole other story!  Back to Jesus, so if Heavens so freaking sweet, why don’t we off ourselves and go right now?  Cause fucking Oxford said suicide don’t get you into heaven, oh and God wants you to grapple with cancer for a few before your ready, nice to know!  If you were ever curious the difference between the new and old testaments, think of it like the difference between 311 and Danzig.  Also, make sure to not get TJ Lavin started on all this religious talk since Jesus causes hangovers. Remember kids, Pro Satan and Pro Forgiven! And as far as Rawdogs concerned, “Just don’t mess with the Jews and your ok!”

 

You can’t see him, but this guy is pointing to Tully. Show business is a mother fucker!

Axl Rose was at the Bridge School Benefit preforming acoustically with GNR.  She’s still got it!  After watching this video, Ellis compared it to Honey Boo Boo for others, a train wreck you can’t look away from.  He honestly thinks someone killed Axl, replaced him, and were watching this new shitty Axl.  Tully thinks its just the Marlboro Reds catching up to him, but #fucktully right.  Backbone called in to confirm the stories of random people being paid royally, to be on call for weeks to months at a time, in case Axl decided he was ready to record Chinese Democracy….which only took like 20 years and 17 million bucks to complete.  Cullen also said he recently saw Slash play with Myles Kennedy and they were shredding like the ledges they are!  Speaking of shredding, there is plenty of it in the 2012 Reverse Awards.

Contestants Brittany and Abby for this year’s “Person With the Least Amount of Heads” Award

Rawdog went through this years categories again, and they discussed and finalized the contestants.  Rawdog will post a site for us soon……….So keep your eyes open on twitter, and here, for the link to the website so you can vote for who you think is this years “Most Human Looking” or “Least Rapey Father”!  Oh yeah, don’t forget that Tim McGraw still hates the show – #TruckYeah

 

 

So some dude in New Jersey bit his finger off, after being transported between the hospital and lock up a few times, while high on PCP.  Meanwhile, these two other guys got naked, sacrificed some birds, set their house on fire, and put a shotgun barrel to the chest of a police officer….and only one of them died.  Sounds like cult activity to me, a Jizz Cult perhaps?  Speaking of Jizz Cult, we finally got to use his New Music Tuesday intro.  You know, the one that started all of this intro madness.  It took a while, and an unnecessary conference call, but we got to hear the pay off we’ve all been waiting for.  All this just giving way to Josh and his 2 week back up of Audio Ejaculate all over your earballs!  Tons of shit here to go back and check out, 12 artists in all, a really swell time.  Ellis is having a swell time on Hollywood Uncensored recently, even though he was getting ragged on for being so old and still wearing hats n shit.  But you know the Wing is comfortable with himself and is doing his thing, so fuck off.  You know who’s not comfortable, old baseball managers in those tight ass uniforms with their gunts pouring out of their stretch pants.  Could you imaging Phil Jackson rocking a Lakers warmup set on the sideline?  Old People, am I right?

 

Really dude – Can’t skip the shake and extra large fries once in a while?

 

Since Tully’s still on his vacation away from his family, he’s been staying up late and got to go get some RoRos Chicken.  What he hasn’t been doing is participating in the Fantasy Slut League that some Bay Area high school kids were running, until they got busted of course.  He has however been dreaming of dressing like Professor Moneybags from Monopoly.  Ellis suggested he makes it rain in the strip club if he did such a thing.  Speaking of making it rain, think you can make it rain laughter with your stand up routine?  Email your shit to ellisparodies@gmail.com and you can get reviewed live on the show like Jeff Judd did today.  Rawdog thinks he can, and almost had a bet lined up with Tully and Ellis to see who could do the best 5 minute routine.  Rawdog suggested they do their shit in a club, and the crowd’s applause can decide who won.  Tully had a different idea, to still do their 5 minute routine, but on the Ellis Show….and loser has to preform the same routine in some random comedy club in the ghetto.  Nothing got finalized but maybe more on this in the future.  Apparently Rawdog had no idea he has done a live set once before at the Pink Taco back in Ellis Mania 4, Classic!  He does remember that he wants to do acid at some point in his life, but Tully suggested to do really good shrooms instead.  They all agree whichever drug you do, watch VideoDrome while doing it.  Of course Rawdog would hate this movie, since he hates anything with old special effects.  The Matrix blows if you watch it now, since its so old and outdated.  He also thinks older cartoons are better because they have less visually, but are still as good as todays with their better writing and jokes.  Sufferin’ Succotash! (See it’s not funny people).  Don’t worry, Butterballs stopped by to save the day, and hooked his junk up to the RC Car to give the old tug and pull.  This isn’t his first dance with such obstacles  since he once did the Disco Balls challenge.  That guy has so much heart, but not as much as your mom….she never stops gaping and buttchugging, a true competi-whore!

The Big Fucking History of “Big Fucking Mega Boat” – Part 1 (History)

For a movie that is only a reported 22min long and has been billed by J.Ellis as one of the worst things he’s ever seen, it has taken a long, long road to being made. Part 1 of the History of BFMB starts at the initial idea, the plans with Donald Schultz, developing the script , all the way up to just before they started filming.

He-man leads to 80’s toys, leads to the “Battleship” movie,  and then the 1st spark of “BFMB” – 2/1/12 – 8min

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Allison Eastwood will be the director for BFMB? – 2/3/12 – 2min

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Malin Akerman in studio and Grant’s “Kawaski” tattoo leads to the mention of Sgt. Kawaski and BFMB – 2/9/12 – 4min

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David Faustino gets pitched BFMB – 2/14/12 – 1min

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Shoebox gets pitched BFMB – 2/15/12 – 2min

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Donald Schultz in studio to discuss sets and script ideas for BFMB – 2/21/12 – 50min

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Donald Schultz returns, claims he has a submarine for the movie? Lots more movie ideas- 3/8/12 – 43min

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Rawdog will be the MGM Lion – 3/14/12 – 3min

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The idea of go karts at K1 Speed is announced and the characters/actors are set – 4/4/12 – 72min

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The 1st Annual Reverse Awards – 8/11 (History)

Rumor has it there will soon be a 2nd Annual Reverse Awards. Let’s listen back to the first Reverse Awards. (The audio quality isn’t the best because SXM was upgrading their online player at the time.)

Nominations – 8/2/11

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The 1st Annual Reverse Awards – 8/26/11

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