Tag Archives: Ben Affleck

Show Re-Cap for Monday 4/15/2013

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postcard

Allow me to play you the song of my people!

Until now, you have remained safe. Until now, you have remained untouched. We give you, the opportunity, to feed your obsession. NYA! Ellis thinks Quentin Tarantino is a fat old lady and over-rated, Cha-Chingo Unchained (or Jango & Change as Dingo calls it) was shit, and the movie Lincoln sucked. Apparently Dingo got to watch Apollo 13 in school and nobody really knows why, or if he was even really in school, or what kind of product he uses in those luscious locks of his. There was something about gluten, Judd Apatow, and some mother trying to control the world. I have no idea what they were talking about, neither did Tully and I’m guessing neither did you. Maybe it was something about Gwyneth Paltrow? Or that Mexican maid on Family Guy? I don’t know. Rawdoggie-poo got a gift from his Nana, he gets tickets to a music festival in Chicago. There was a ton of movie talk that literally went all over the place. We did find out that Rawdog pretty much hates Ben Affleck, except in Dazed ‘n Confused, and we also learned he didn’t see Good Will Hunting because he thought it looked dumb. You just know he was like, “Big deal, a janitor can do math? I’m smarter than that!” Katie’s birthday present was two nights at a hotel with room service and shitload of movie watching, hence all the movie talk. EllisMania 9 is back on, it is scheduled for October 13th and Katie will be fighting Rawdog. However, all that was overshadowed by the news of explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon.

swag

Fuck Dom’s shirt, I got that swag!

Some cop got all over zealous on a German tourist and said some dumb shit. Miesha Tate had her face fucked up by Cat Zingano, but everyone seems to agree that the fight was stopped too soon, but we’re also talking about a woman referee here so, yeah. Uriah Hall lost his fight, which kind of surprised quite a few people, after watching him put everyone he fought in a BAMbulance. Urijah Faber won his fight, but does anyone really give a shit – I mean besides that butt-chin of his? Ellis farted in front of Katie this weekend, a conscious fart, not a fart in his sleep. Tully’s never had a big farting issue at home, but he has started to try and curb the extreme burping. Dingo and his girlfriend both fart in front of each other, and they’re okay with that. Chicks shit – it’s true, and this spurred at least one caller whose chick pinched a loaf, took a picture, and named it – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting. Another dude walked in on his girlfriend taking a shit and heard it plop in the water – and that’s pretty fucking disgusting as well. Anybody catch moto over the weekend? Me neither. You can bet someone is fast while the others are slow, though. Dom “Lil’ Bane” the producer’s birthday was this weekend as well, he spent his 30th birthday all by his lonesome. Apparently he’s all dressed up today, trying to look like Jude, but instead looking more like Lewis Skolnick. Rawdog said he shirt is classy and is backing his style, so that right there tells you all you need to know. Dom says that he’s constantly working, even when he’s watching TV – and oddly enough, he doesn’t even own a TV.

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Hollywood news does not come from your pussy.

Hollywood news time. Comedian Kevin Hart was arrested for DUI. And if you’re like me, you’re saying “who”? If you’re like Ellis, you’re saying, “Carey Hart’s mom”? This little bit of totally not news was milked for what seemed like, and was close to, 30 minutes. Justin Bieber visited Anne Frank’s house and wrote in the guestbook: “Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” That Bieber kid, what a cunt. Lauryn Hill didn’t file taxes in 2005, 2006, and 2007, claiming that she “withdrew from society at large due to what she perceived as manipulation and very real threats to herself and her family.” Also, she’s looking like shit these days. Jada Pinkett Smith clarified her “open marriage” to Will Smith remark by saying that each of them can do whatever they want because they trust each other. So, yeah. Sounds like they can still fuck whoever. Hugh Jackman was shaken after a stalker threw an electric razor filled with her pubes at him, guess that crazy bitch thought Wolverine could use some more facial hair? Chi Cheng, bassist of the Deftones died 5 years after a car crash left him in a coma. And Clint Eastwood went to Coachella, which makes it officially the stupidest music festival of all.

In “My insane logic knows no bounds” news, Rawdog refuses to admit that Black Sabbath is better than Neutral Milk Hotel. Hey, wanna know how best to survive a nuclear bomb exploding? First, you wanna not be any where near that motherfucker. Second, you think you’re far enough away, but no, go further man. Third, don’t look at it. And fourth, curl up in a ball and await to be vaporized or grow an eyeball on your taint. And this is where my computer decided to take a shit and so far never come back. Lucky for you, I have an awesome phone to finish this fucking thing. And luck for your mom that I finished in her mouth instead of on her tits, because that open wound on her titty from her abscess probably would’ve made things that much worse. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 12/20/2012

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Rawdog Face Toast - Yummy Yummy for my Rumbly Tumbly

Rawdog Face Toast – Yummy Yummy for my Rumbly Tumbly

Ever gone really really fast in your car, all the way to the point you should slow down, but you don’t….you know that feeling you get after the point of no return, not only is it a cheap buzz, but the best way to equate the feeling of precum.  Oh and its Thursday!  Back to driving fast, why does Ellis do it?  Its in his blood, in his brothers blood, and probably in his kids blood too.  So the Wing’s thinking he outta kick it down a gear with the kids present, so they don’t get any bad ideas.  But when the kids aren’t there, well of course Ellis wants to race.  He still wants to race professionally either moto or trucks or whatevers clever.  Tully doesn’t get it really, he’s never enjoyed something enough for it to be work and a hobby at the same time, guess he’s never written a TJES recap, zing!  Seriously though, would you like pictures of you and your profession throughout your home?  Or how about you and your hobby?  Just depends on how ego centric or bad ass you are.  ‘My Face Toast’ by Jason Ellis sounds pretty bad ass, and if it sells, you may see the Rawdog toast in stores soon. You may also see a lot more of Josh getting pissed, well with his new nickname and all.  Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to “Ew-Jay”, a.k.a. Ew-Jay Simpson, and if you remember pig latin then Bobs your uncle.  If you don’t, uck fey ff oey ou yay ouche dey ag bay! Well if your headed to Vegas for the New Year’s, don’t expect to see the real Ellis there, maybe the fake one though, as Ellis is just going to kick it at home this year.  Well maybe a pool party, and maybe some hookers too. Or just maybe it’ll be Drunk Mitch and Ellis, naked in a pool, just reflecting on the year, so either way should be a riveting time for Young Wing.

 

They don't always make sense...

Not every pic make sense…

In Aussie News, this sick cunt ledge here done went kangaroo shit on this copper for being a dumb cunt mate!  Grant Cobb joined the show, to introduce us all to backpage.com, for all your escort needs – Thanks Grant!    Also, for $30 you can sign up to theeroticreview.com and get reviews, prices, all that shit!  And for $600 and hour, you can get former Olympian Suzy Favor Hamilton, check it out!  Of course while checking this all out, Tully was able to find a chic on backpage, and trace her back to facebook, Woman Am I Right!   Speaking of Woman Am I Right, check out this miss universe contestant, why you so stupid lady?  Oh shit, breaking news – If you tweet Ellis at exactly 11:58am PT with a random sentence, he will use it to open the show, of course he won’t give a fuck tomorrow, so be sure to try that out next week!  Also, be sure to train your puppies to be racist, as apparently Rawdog was right in thinking this was true, as confirmed by quite a few ex drug dealers who called in to support Josh.  Of course, no one supports you when you fuck a chic that looks like John Stockton, but with a bag over her head, they all look like Karl Malone to me.

 

Don't take it so literally lady!

Don’t take it so literally lady!

In Hollywood News, Grant Cobb was almost raped by Ben Affleck while giving him a tattoo.  Is Kim Kardashian quitting Instagram over their new shitty terms?  Is Simon Cowell dating Carmen Electra for real for real?  Is Fat Joe going to get fucked in jail, after fucking over the IRS?  Why don’t you call Kat Williams a N-bomb?  Is Khloe Kardashian as fat as you think she is?  Yeah!  Why does the California Hamster Association hate Justin Bieber so much?  Is Ben Affleck going to run for Senate?  Yes, who gives a shit is correct!  Of course, the ‘GerbalKnives’ may have something to say to the California Hamster douche wads, once they are officially created by Ellis.  Oh, and George Clooney ain’t really up to shit these days.  So thats about it for Hollywood News, see you at Slash’s club, or maybe the Wing’s new strip joint he’s opening up next to the Wing’s gym, whatever floats your boat.

 

racistsThen the show took a turn for the worse I tell ya.  Nothing but racism, whores, tattoo guns on air in the background, and a shit load of ass kissing from here on out.  Apparently we are all whores, so says this news story about how much porn we watch, holy shit!  Super Mario was arrested for groping some woman in Times Square.  Then Cumtard groped our ears with his game Google auto complete thingamajig.  This is just one of those you gotta go back and listen too, but so you know what your in for….You can get aids from swimming with black people, and from Magic Johnson.  Your balls sometimes smell like bacon, and yes Nickleback does suck and does exist.  Mexicans don’t flush toilet paper cause they’re very environmentally friendly and love to recycle.  Australian people love kangaroo meat and saying mate.  Queefs are not only deadly, but are controllable as well.  Lets see, oh yeah, Jason Ellis is gay and single.  Oh and Slash is both black and jewish, similar to Lenny Kravitz.  TJ Lavin is not black, and I don’t think he’s jewish either, but he is one hell of an ass kisser.  He called into the show to talk about the X Games shit from yesterday, and told Ellis how much he loves him, and Ellis loves him back.  Then we had final calls, whore style.  Lots of Sarah and Rachael, and some caller requests.  All in all a good time until Tully took it just a little too far.  You see, just about the time Rachael and Sarah were having their little phone fuck fest, Tully acctually brought your mom into studio, made a huge fuck hole from her ass to her pussy, where her taint use to be, and took turns with Ellis Josh n Grant in and out in and out, enjoying that stage of precum we all love so much.  Of course this pissed your mom off to no end, as all she really wants to do is swallow jizz n excrement and then onto the next one, OH!

Show Re-cap For Friday 12/14/2012

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seeing_cumtard_naked

It’ll get funny, just give it time and stop looking at me like that.

First, let’s get this out of the way. What happened today was crazy and it makes everyone stop and think. Our hearts go out to the victims, families, and everyone else involved in today’s shooting in Newtown. Humans can be disgusting sometimes. But sometimes you find people who restore your faith in humanity, and that’s just one of the things that help make life beautiful. Now, let’s try to brighten everyone’s day as much as we can, shall we? Rawdog is apparently rocking a Jimmy Fallon hair style today, also known as bed head. Ellis had to call his brother, Lethal Lee, after not being able to remember that old ass thing you hung clothes on outside – a clothesline, or more accurately for the Australian vibe, a hills hoist. How much of the human race is lame? A lot, that’s how much. Tully must have been feeling emotional today as he dropped a bomb and said that he imagines most Canadians are probably not lame. Juggling on a unicycle might take impressive skills, but it’s still lame as fuck, especially when compared to doing wheelies and endos. Rawdog got called out on his mime skills, so he tried to show off those skills by miming the making of an omelet. Nobody could guess it, so apparently the best part of his mime skills is that you can totally tell it sucks shit. Why can’t Shaun White just start promoting white power along with this clothing and gaming product endorsements? Ellis and Tully have seen the dead horse dick that Rawdog is going to have to deal with at the Wreckoning, and they’re not going to show it to Rawdog so he doesn’t get the pre-game jitters.

found_your_pills

Cumtard’s on that weed beer again.

President Obama spoke to Barbara “Piss Your Box Out” Walters and said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Hey, if the state has decriminalized weed, he’s down with the clown and thinks the federal government should be too.” Mexican drug cartels are using t-shirt cannons to shoot soup cans full of that ditch weed they grow down there, over the boarder for us Murican’s to toke on. Cumtard says he’s still feeling the effects of that weed beer he chugged on yesterday’s show. He ate an entire pizza once he got home and then slept for 15 hours like a fuckin baby. And that is what is awesome about weed, you sleep like a fucking champion! Some transsexual athlete is playing college hoops, and some ESPN announcers got in trouble for how they referred to the athlete. The real problem here is that they were just being mean, nothing they said was funny. Remember that rule, offensive + funny = good to go. Offensive – funny = you’s in trouble, ooohhh! Do teens listen to TJES? Maybe. But who gives a flying fuck about what the teens are doing, am I right? They’re annoying and that’s all you need to know.

you_tried

A gold star for Rawdog if he ends up doing time trials against Tiger Ellis.

PETA wants Ellis to do an ad for them, so ideas about how to torture the Olsen twins flew around the room. Whose defending a man’s right to fuck a horse? Well, a lawyer of course, because like gingers, they don’t have souls. Which is why I love my lawyer, he’s good, real good. We got to hear some unsigned band submissions today, and the clear run-away winner was Laura Clapp, the chick who gave Ellis the voice altamication machine. It was so good, Rawdog went bezerk and trashed the studio. Basically one dude made a shit song in his basement, another dude is in jail, Cookie Monster lost his balls, and then a bunch of shit that was even more terrible Cumtard shitting beer out his ass. Rawdog’s scared of Tiger and bike riding, he’s turning down just about everything in a bet to race bikes against a 3 year-old. His tough talk includes such gems as “I could do it, I just don’t want to” and “I don’t want to race your son.” However, he might be up for some time trials as long as he’s not being video’d getting chewed up and spit out by a toddler.

You can be a Christmas tree without being gay.

You can be a Christmas tree without being gay.

Sarah Jessica Parker’s makeup artist is a thief, she’s been stealing shit here and there. Not to be outdone by a horse’s makeup artist, Tully stole a phone charger the other day. Not on purpose, but still – he stuck it to the man. What have you stolen lately? Russell Crowe is trying to patch up relations with his wife of 9 years who used to bang Paul Giamatti Billy Joel, they were seen together in front of a romantic fire and then she Facebooked and he Tweeted. Awwww. Matt Damon said Michael Douglas is a wonderful kisser, and he should know because allegedly he’s totally gay with Ben Affleck. Alright, time to close this fucker out. To you lucky daughters and sons of motherless goats that get to go to The Wreckoning tomorrow, have fun for the rest of us! Represent like any upstanding EllisFam member would, by getting kicked out! You know how to roll, you’re mom has been getting kicked out of strip clubs since the early 80’s. When she first started hopping up on the stage and got tackled by crowds because people thought she was William “The Refrigerator” Perry. OH!