Welcome to the Friday recap. Here at the Friday recap we only have two rules, talk about the recap, and don’t stab Ellis. He’s on blood thinners for his ticker and if he dies this recap will be really boring. Katie has a job now and Ellis fending for himself like a big boy, cooking cleaning, and even making the bed. He doesn’t like making the bed though because he’s just gonna mess it up later. I told that same thing to my dad once and he said, “then why do you wipe your ass after you take a shit? You’re just gonna shit again later?” And that was the last time I ever wiped my ass, thanks dad. They talked about making toys out of junk and shit. Old school shoe box rockets, cardboard box castles, sticks with barbed wire wrapped around the end. Being a poor kid was awesome! The Vikings finale was also talked about and I don’t give a crap about spoilers so for those that missed it here is a summary of what happened:
Ragnar’s mom married this other dude and Ragnar hated his new stepbrother. They fought all the time until one day Ragnar’s step brother punched his dickhead real brother and they realized that they both have a common enemy and then joined forces and kicked everybody’s ass and started Prestige Worldwide.
Tully has finally been watching a bunch of old Arnold movies like Predator and Total Recal. But he hasn’t watched the pinnacle of the Schwarzenegger movie empire, Kindergarten Cop. Ellis talked about getting a Harley just to cruise and relax with style. This brought up the topic of style and how some style never dies, like wearing yellow undies and a bandanna with a bitchin handlebar mustache. Nobody questions your style when you’re ripping open your shirt and calling everybody brother!
Oh and Kevin still has diarrhea, cha cha cha.
Mickey Easterling was an old broad that died in New Orleans. But she wasn’t just buried in the ground, at her wake she was propped up on a bench, wore a party gown with a feather boa, a cigarette in one hand and a glass of champagne in the other. Even dead this lady is still more awesome than you. 2 Nonenal is the shit that comes out of old people skin that gives them the smell of death. But luckily now there is a Japanese soap that gets rid of it. Nursing home workers are stoked! Then they did more Wolfknife names. Go to OfficialJasonEllis.com and sign up. And remember, with every 100 packages you buy you get a free one year subscription to NoYouAre.
Canadian News EH! There’s a dead whale in Newfoundland and it’s the most famous thing in Canada since Beiber or Bob and Doug and the locals are fighting with Canadian Feds on who gets to keep it. Remember when you were in that garage band and you guys thought you were awesome and were gonna get tons of trim with your sweet licks? Well this is how you really sounded. Hell, some of you might actually be on this list of the 12 most horrific songs.
- D4nny with Goodby
- Jan Terri with Journey To Mars
- Kiely Williams with Spectacular
- Complete with Hoogie-Boogie Land
- Big Dipper with Skank
- Ice JJ Fish with On The Floor
- Millionaires with Just Got Paid, Let’s Get Laid
- Jimmy Ellis with Washing Machine
- Vanilla Ice with I Love You
- Riskay with Smell Yo Dick
- Some other shitty band with Girl Problems
- And finally, the worst cover band ever doing Pink Floyd’s Comfortably Numb.
Ben Aflak has been banned from the Hard Rock Casino for being a total douche and a shitty actor. Plus they said he was counting cards. A woman hit a bicyclist and bitched about the damage, an Arizona, ummm woman? was arrested for beastiality for trying to fuck a horse, some rich dude bought his way into a race and totally trashed a Ferrari, and yer mum is still a ditch pig. That’s a wrap bitches, OH!