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When I'm not banging your mom, I'm in line waiting to bang your mom again!

Show Re-Cap for Friday 10/11/2013

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Live From Las Vegas

If there was ever a Friday to not give a fuck, this my friends is the mother load.  Not only is it Ellis Mania 9 weekend, obvi, but its also Ellismate’s birthday today.  Live at the Hard Rock hotel in the lovely Las Vegas today’s show was fucking sick.  Instead of running the credits after the movie, here are the notable names you would have seen if you weren’t at home jerking like me and many others.  Of course you have the usuals like The Wing, RawDog, Tully, Wilson, and the frequent fliers like Dingo, Cumtard, Katie.  You have Joe Mills, Kit Cope, Kenji, and Ellis Mania legend Crazy Jerr!!!  Shit man Sluggo, TJ Lavin, Butterballs and Ms. Butterballs in her I love Butterballs shirt….the fucking list goes on.  Of them all, none dressed better than Jizz Cult who was none other than Butt Judge for this year’s show, a role he was born to molest play.  Ellis is gonna be looking sharp himself at EM9, rocking a sweet pair of Manny Pacquiao orange boxing shoes, and yes Big Daddy Jas Cakes wears orange shoes, HAHAHAA!!!  Also to add to the fight night wardrobe, a freshly shaved chest, man shit!  It’s helped Ellis achieve “winning weight” and Minnesota is the “Tijuana of Canada”.  Remember I told you about Will Butt Judge Pendarvis III like 2 sentences ago, he’s already taking some prey, all conveniently named Tara believe it or not.  His first and quite fitting, Most Stalkable Ass.  Then shit got creepy as he tagged a pregnant lady Just Like Mom Use To Make.  Then shit got more creepier as some dude got Butt Judged, Hairiest Ass!  Then shit got fucking hot, as Katie gave Will, the fans, the world a thesis worthy display of what an ass looks like!

 

Last years Little Miss Jason Ellis

Last years Little Miss Jason Ellis

Man Bags love ’em, and so does about 9 billion dollars apparently.  Dingo makes man bags, well fanny packs really, but with speakers so their kinda gangster, fuck man I’m so confused right now.  Then Kit Cope and Ellis got on some tirade about how when they punch each other in the face, its more sensual and meaningful than when Ellis shoved his tongue down RawDogs throat, which I just find hard to believe but you just read it on the internet, so its probably true.  Enough of that shit though, lets get down to business and decide this year’s Little Miss Jason Ellis.  We have three contestants this year, Amanda, Deidre, and the defending Little Miss Ellis, Jason.  For the first leg of this event, each participant must answer a few questions, such as if Amanda were President and involved in RawDog’s orgy this weekend, what would she do?  Film that shit, and give the proceeds to charity!  She also thinks is not gay to DP and that Deidre has a shitty jacket.  Deidre thinks the show needs more female guests.  Jason was asked who he would murder, just in random conversation and he said Wilson of course, especially since he has a Butt Judge sticker on his ass from Will and he wasn’t sure why.  Enough of that shit though – straight to the Limbo!!!  Yeah, I can’t really type much about Limbo but from the sounds of it the crowd really were the winners here, well depending on your view.  Other than that all you need to know is TJ Lavin has a license to drop C-Bombs, there are currently like 18 dudes willing to take part in Josh’s orgy tonight, and Ellis maybe working on a 12 woman dutch rudder, all this alleged of course!

BOING!!!!!!!

BOING!!!!!!!

 

Kenda Perez is fucking hot!  I probably should just end it there since that’s all you need to give a fuck about if anything at all.  Well that and there isn’t much I can really tell you other than Ellis has a stripper pole in his room and really was putting game to Kendra, but not quite enough to get her to limbo, FUCK!  I guess this is as good a time as any to shout out to lets see, Kenji aka MMA Elvis, oh and of course Betsy who’s posting a very generous prize to a couple of fights for the winners choice of charity.  Did I tell you Ellis has a stripper pole in his room at the Hard Rock?  Hey ladies, its the Ladies Naked On It Challenge and for this, when the ladies get to the push ups, SHUT THE FUCK UP!  Truthfully we’ll see how good the audio from this is but I’m spanking on it not being worthy of Shannon Shenanigans Guns Guns.  Oh yeah, Ellis has a stripper pole in his fucking room no joke!

 

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I thought they were gonna be naked

If your reading this, Death! Death! Die! has probably left the building, but I bet they fucking rocked it bro.  Remember the dude who rocked the Friday show at Ellis mania 8 when he puked on the crew, you know the dude in the Super Man undies, that dude was there again sans the big boy draws.  OK OK I’ll stop stalling, back to The Little Miss Jason Ellis contest and stage 3 which is none other than Celebrity Impressions.  Amanda did a slightly spot on Bill Cosby and former Little Miss Ellis did a pretty hilarious real Jason Ellis, but not the real one kinda the fake one that Rawdog does, he did that!  They both lost though to Deidre’s memorable Al Pacino though.  This basically tied it all up so we went to a sudden death that’s not a sudden death Banana Eating Contest and to quote the immortal David Lee Roth, a little more to the left!!!  Time for Ellismate to go live in the crowd for a unprecedented Dude Am I A Slut for the ladies, and Get The Cock Off Your Chest for the fellas.  Unfortunate, well maybe fortunate, yeah its fortunate that it instead turned into Who Wants To Make Out With Ellis for ladies, and Who Wants To Make Out With Katie for the ladies, and the fellas can just hang tight!  Well turns out there aren’t that many sluts in Vegas which I still call bullshit on, and there’s a ton of cocks on chests though which I can understand.  None of them of course bigger than the cock some dude got off his chest and out his mouth, oh and some other dude DP’d his chic with a mold of himself but he was just bragging more than anything.

 

Someone here (Not Tully) is this year's Little Miss Jason Ellis, i think!

Someone here (Not Tully) is this year’s Little Miss Jason Ellis, i think!

Welcome back as we check in with this year’s Little Miss Jason Ellis contest and it’s time for Karaoke.  To start us off we were blessed with Deidre’s best attempt to rock Jerry Was A Race Car Driver which was aight.  Then we got a cheesy yet very sexy Happy Birthday from Amanda to Ellis, but it wasn’t no where as good as Jason, the former Little Miss Ellis, and his bone chilling Nothing Compares which was literally spot fucking on!  Somehow Deidre, I think, got another shot and went balls clit out with Angel Of Death and fucking ripped shit up, and I think it may have got her this year’s title, but I never really got clarification on that so tune in next time to find out who will be this year’s Little Miss Jason Ellis!!!  Oh, and just for good measure we got to watch/hear Cumtard dance while testing out the shock collars for tomorrows fights as Kit Cope gazed at his crotch in amazement.  So from all of us here at NoYouAre, and while wishing Jason Ellis a Happy Mother Fucking Birthday, you know the one where you get a cake, but not just any cake nah this one has some filthy old bukkake covered shemale who will just call your mom jump right out the middle of it and just yells at the top her her lungs, Red Fucking Dragons and kick Gabe’s ass, enjoy the show like its your last….cause ya never know!

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Show Re-cap for Thursday 8/15/13

You know how you can just look at the lady walking accross the street on her cell, and the chevy caviler doing a buck n change, also on the cell phone, and envision them meeting one another on a new episode of Most Shocking?  Yeah well thats called seeing the future, and who else is better at this than The Future himself.  Tully recogns its a dad thing and being SuperDad himself, and who am I to argue.  Who can argue with some of the stories we fans send into the show, you know the one’s with a dude, well a dude’s head, attached to a bag, and how you “Gotta check this shit out”.  Tully apparently gets a few hundred of those a day, which only means Ellis must get millions and RawDog, well lets just say he was giggling the whole time and is known to be a bit tweaked.  Maybe he’s sending them all from various fake twitter handles, but I digress.  Instead may I offer you a heart warmer story of how magnets do work, well that they do their job, cause no one knows how the fuck those things work.  No one in Nascar seems to know how to make a fucking right, right!  Yeah so the boys threw around some Nascar/Kimbo Slice stories all of which are available On Demand with the SiriusXM app.  You could also catch the replay tomorrow via the online player, but not if your RawDog…..Today may be the saddest day in Ellis Show history, well except for the day Josh n Jason made out, as RawDog’s computer has passed away to ghetto gigabyte heaven.  From there I kinda teared up and wasn’t myself ofr a mintue, I mean I feel for the guy, so I all really got after that was that everyone must surf to save energy to avoid nuking babies, yeah thats about right!

 

CBS's "Elite XC Saturday Night Fights" Press Conference

What rock jungle did you crawl out of? Well considering amazon.com is located in Brazil, Im not fucking with these dudes.  I’m also not fucking with Joe Rogan, because he’d tweet my phone number and shit to get back at me.  He would be an awesome announcer for EllisMania, but since he ain’t been asked its not looking good.  Rabid wolves looked good, on a t-shirt and front and center at the LA Zoo, but for a limited time only I’m guessing.  Apparently Tully says they like to eat dogs when all hoped up on the rabies, and they enjoy humans too (Didn’t catch if thats to hang out or to eat, but Im willing to roll those dice).  They also eat you while your alive, which is really thoughtful since you’d just want it over with as slow and painful as possible.  Rabid wolves can also been seen at the Hard Rock in Vegas this Saturday, October 12th and again, they are not harmful…..as long as you don’t spill their beer!  Seriously folks I kinda missed a bit of the show but like Ellis do ponder if the bear proof steal suit guy could befriend rabid wolves cause he’s all inedible n what not.  From there it was just gifts from Will not Pendarvis for all the boys to enojy such as Tim Tams and Caramel Koalas.  Not EllisMate though, he’s gotta train to have all his mental energy to rig this upcomnig fight, so Tully n RawDog I say Good On Ya!

If your a dude born as a chic and you know it clap your dick!!  And while your at it move your ass out to Cali baby where you can choose which bathroom you wanna use in elementary school.  Kinda gonna put an end to Pimping Aint Easy, and shitty women’s basketball one could hope!  Shout out to EllisFam Zach Howard who won the Ellis T-Shirt contest and will be receiving a new Wolfknives ring and a collab with The Wing to get this puppy up for sale!  No shout out to those who sent in bomb drops cause TJES still needs a good clean bomb drop if you got one laying around.  I guess Will Jizz Cult Pendarvis III has wolfknive names laying around cause some of the shit he had today was just miraculous.  Such ledges as The Shocker, Holy Diver, The Tank, and who could forget Mr. Freezer.  He did pull Kansas City Guacamole out of his ass, but thats just what he’s into since he’s got him that sketchy swordfish nutjob for his nut jobs, allegedly of course.  So some baby in India blew up for like the 4th time, just minutes before they put my ass on hold to pay my cable bill.  Its some phenomenon that people can just combust spontaneously, kinda like premature ejaculation for but a burning sensation before and during as opposed to after.  That almost happened to Lance Mountain one time, not the early wad thing but the combustion deal.  He lit a rag on fire after gassing up his board on his final run, but was too fast for that shit to catch so I’m guessing lost to “Hey Hey, It’s Tony Hawk” but who hasn’t.

 

Rabid+Wolf

Teen Advice anyone?  I mean how can you tell if your gay?  What if your pee is a dark brown, could something be wrong?  How do you tell your girl to spot slapping and pinching you cause its hurting you?  Who would buy a pack of socks to jerk off in? Oh, RawDog is the answer to that last one.  Turns out The Illusionist makes his junk disappear into a pair of Hanes finest, but by himself as opposed to with two other dudes!  Not anymore though as we all know he’s tagging more ass than something that tags a lot of asses, and why not.  We all know the dudes who were cool in school grew up to be a tool, and those who fucked off turned out to be millionaires.  Don’t believe me, then call 855-ELLIS41 at 7am on the east side, 4am on the west, and yell “FORE”.  Not sure what the hell that is suppose to mean, but final calls can be shaky at times.  Speaking of shaky, I was at Shakey’s one time when I noticed these two fine chics one the other side of the salad bar.  So I shoved a cucumber in my pants to make them think I had a dick like a snake, you know for ultimate satisfaction, and proceeded past the diced carrots to get a closer look.  I get around to the other side and ask this massive whale of a beast if she saw two ladies just here a second ago, and as she turns around I see a huge streak of shit stain drool down the front of her blouse only to realize my mistake……I didn’t look at her face, OH!

Show Re-cap for Monday 6/24/2013

Happy Fuck Yeah Day!

Happy Fuck Yeah Day!

Happy ‘Fuck Yeah’ Day to you and yours, thanks to the one, the only Young Wing.  It’s true, we no longer refer to today as Monday, but just Fuck Yeah Day, google that shit if you don’t believe me.  While your at, google how fucking sweet hard candies are, especially the red ones per Ellismate, but fuck the Yellow!  Pound for pound, Dingo questioned what hard candy was, I mean fuck bro your grandma has that shit on hand without question, and I should know!  You should know to never trust a hash tag, or any commercials for that matter.  If you do find yourself with millions to spend, just make your own commercial, not advertising anything other than your sweet ass self!  If you have hundreds to spend, you can get a billboard and be sweeter than the majority.  If you find yourself like me with a few singles to drop, will post your shit on NoYouAre, OH!  Sorry that wasn’t funnier, and Tully’s sorry he isn’t sorry.  Meanwhile, Dingo says coke is still raging on the scene, but not like the 80’s – Molly is the new meth in case you were wondering.  What about Rawdog you ask?  he’s sick and on the show, infecting millions of #EllisFam with his Radio Jihad, despite knowing Jason’s rules on bringing Aids into Swinghouse’s Shitbox.  On a much more positive note, Ellismate had one of these this weekend, and it all started with Twitch hooking him up with a free room.  The skinny, moto with the kids who instead wanted to go to Grandma’s, so Movies and room service…..but then Ellis did get to take Tiger to Pala and roll a little, but Young Young Wing rolls a lot and with no regard for Fuck Yeah Day.  Sure he own’s it on a BMX, but this was only his third time riding and he fucked shit up, even putting it to some little girl who couldn’t pass Tiger, despite her ‘Moto Families’ constant push.  Hell of a day  for the little guy I’d say, far from the day Rawdog, the other little guy had on Friday.  Tully brought it up, cause he pissed in the Illusionist’s Puke, and he liked it!  So I ask you America, and Canada, and of the coast of Madagascar, how do you baby sit Rawdog?  Ask if he’s sick today, check if he’s had any chic-fil-a, and make sure he flushes the toilet – atta boy!

 

 

 

key_art_hollywood_newsPaula Dean apologized, a few times, and still didn’t quite get it right.  But turns out thats enough for Rawdog to still eat at her restaurants, zing!  Kanye West and Kim Kardashian blah blah blah blah blah.  Aaron Carter got fucked up.  Jim Carrey is in Kick Ass 2 against his own will.  Vagina is ok in the Ellis house, but not Ass or Dick!  Taylor Swift has a stinky box….would have been a much more successful shirt.  Michael Jackson would have died either way after roughly 60 consecutive days without sleep.  Scottie Pippen beat the shit out of some dude in Malibu.  Justin Bieber is banned from a Vegas Club……a sky diving club!  If you got shit tons of money, you can rent like DiCaprio or Willis’ pad per day or month, but you don’t so fuck off.  Scott Weiland got hitched while Will Smith got ditched from the Independence Day sequels coming soon.

 

 

I am.........Turd Man!

Turd Man and the NYPD working together at last

God Bless You! cause you are that fucking important after all.  What if God did bless you, with one wish, would you ask he “cake you in the right direction”?  Really people, what can God do for you?  If your Rawdog, and you overcome the urge to ask for money cause thats how your wired, you’d obviously want to be taller.  Tully would just ask for money.  Ellismate, his athletical abilities back, and some luscious locks while your at it!  Of course they all missed the most obvious choice, super powers.  The catch, cause there always is, you can’t choose your name.  So no Super Jew, or Jewper Man, nah son your Golem a.k.a. Turd Man!  Now thats outta the way, what to do with these God giving super powers?  If your a fan of Doing Stuff With Rawdog, may I suggest you listen to the replay tomorrow and Bob’s Your Uncle.  Let’s just say the Mexican Drug Cartel and Al Qaeda ain’t sweating shit with this doofus on the loose.  Turd Man not only lacks simple North/South direction, but he couldn’t find water if he fell out of your mom’s anus.  From bullets ricocheting and killing civilians to somehow only the United State of Delaware surviving Tully’s wrath, truly a good time for all those involved!  Oh, and you get a bonus Rawdog workout segment too with a generous and well deserved round of applause, you furry mother fucker you!

 

 

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Purple Limp Erections Are Kinda Godly!

Penis Pumps, Dick Pills, and do any hair restoring products truly work?  Yeah you may wanna just stop after the last segment if you do catch that replay I was telling you about, but when in Miami!  Penis pumps will get you that nice cold numb purple limp boner you’ve been looking for cause penis pumps fucking rule!  Viagra is ten times better, so just on math alone Viagra fucking rules!  No one really called on the hair care tip, but there were certainly enough Rawdog pity party pussies on the phones to fill the void.  From there, straight ass n booze, I mean another Ellis and Rawdog war of words.  Those two argue like brothers, or little girls, or your mom n dad when I forget my socks again.  You see, its kinda like Bobby Fisher and your grandmother battling over a grueling game of chess, with the inevitable God giving super powers waiting in the wings for the champion to seize and abuse.  Now your grandmama ain’t ever been known to win even a game of checkers, but on this said day, well let’s just say thats how she always knows when and where Turd Man, or just a turd in general is going to be, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thurday 5/9/13

Sup fuckers, it’s yet another Thursday with your Uncle Ghostload, and the ADHD is heavy today.  Ellis’s jaw hurts cause he’s been sleeping crooked and shit’s breaking on him.  Why do crab’s sleep sideways?  But like Tully points out, if there was a roided up smurf, beating the shit out of all the other smurfs, and your 6 foot ass rolled into town, blue roided up smurf would bring it to you despite your towering appearance cause that’s all he knows how to do!  Which really just means Ellis wants to get back on his board and shred, but not with a bunch of 14 year old kooks.  And Linsanity would be more likely to be Ellis skate board buddy, not to dare be confused with his DP buddy, since Tully is too old a dog to learn that new trick.  Did you know that Will practically gave birth to Silverchair?  I mean this dude was the first to play them state side, and he was the dude that picked them up at the air port in Hotlanta, I mean practically raised those little warlords.  Some crazy dude wants to be Ellis’s fight date buddy, again not his DP buddy, but this dude has never trained, just lifted some weights……well, get it up ya mate!  Speaking of crazy dudes, Rawdog is all set to go to Mars.  He even has it planned to coincide with the his last TJES show in roughly 6 years…….and then I lost transmission……..

 

 

........until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

……..until they give Ellis $1,000,000.

 

…..yeah so I finally got back into The Jason Ellis Show, and just in time to hear them tell some dude to go write a haiku on Silverchair, followed by some other dudes best attempt at “Baby, Baby” or some shit.  So what the hell is going on?  Its the Little Miss Jason Ellis contest!  Yeah I probably should have just switched over to Jude, but I stayed in and here’s what I deciphered.  We had 3 lovely contestants, John, Perry and Jason.  They each went through a well thought our test consisting of the aforementioned Silverchair haiku and a sexy karaoke, as well as eating a banana, a few questions, their overall looks, and of course a turn on the punch machine!  Fuck dude, that’s a lot of shit, this mutherfucker must be important huh.  Perry, who turned out to be the creepy dude, is the ocean and the least fuckable dude, had a haiku more about himself than Silverchair.  Perry did win the punch machine with a solid 66 (Which he used his palm to strike the pad, hmmmm), but came in last in the final voting so fuck off.  John, has huge areolas, which swayed Rawdog’s vote quite a bit, killed “My Humps”, and dominated the banana eating competition.  John had a horrible and uncalled for haiku and more horrible and more-er uncalled for ass or lack thereof, so clearly he isn’t Little Miss Jason Ellis.  Folks, meet Jason, not Ellis just a random dude with the same first name.  Jason knows why bitches be trippin’, haikud the shit out of Silverchair, was easily the sexiest by default, and despite him not knowing how to properly eat a banana, he is the winner of the 2013 Little Miss Jason Ellis Pageant, so enjoy your free shit and don’t ever tell anyone about any of this, ever!!!

 

 

So this is what I pictured, how about you?

So this is what I pictured….

 

Kevin Farley is just a casual laid back dude!  He stopped by the show to shoot the breeze with the fellas, cause you know he don’t give a flying mutherfucking fuck!  Plus, he can do a spot on impression of a cop, so he’s got that going for him.  You ever notice how sometimes in interviews we tend to find out more about Ellis than the guest?  Well, this was kinda like that, but we did find out Ellis and Kevin share a serious bond having brothers who passed and both having to deal, with that and drugs and life and whatever dude let’s talk about Dancing With The Stars.  Kevin’s hosts the road version of the show, which is still mega.  He’s friends with Andy Dick as well, and subtly calls BS on Andy’s new female love thang.  But its not just Ellis that bonded with Kevin today, Tully too shares a bond, University of Wisconsin-Madison bitches!  Turns out that school is like a mini Australia, partying and burnouts.  Kevin also was part of 2gether, a mock boy band, so he knows AJ and all the other boy band stars.  He hangs at Rocking Riley’s, the only Irish Pub in Hollywood as it turns out, and sticks to vodka cause of the calories, but lets just keep that hush hush, its a little touchy.  Lets also keep this hush hush, Tullyvich allegedly has some of Trader Joe’s finest in his home made Red Bull, all alleged of course, yeah come to think of it that didn’t happen, #fucktully.  Back to Kevin, and his new movies!  First off is Project Bigfoot, and this just pissed Rawdog off cause its a spoof on Bigfoot.  After a 5minute exchange of Rawdog justifying Bigfoot being real, and The Loch Ness Monster dodging sonar, Kevin got back to his new movie, Project Bigfoot, which is due out in a few months and should be hilarious.  But lets just say you don’t wanna wait a few months, and want your fix now, BOOM!  No its not called boom ya dumbass, check out Paranormal Movie out on DVD now.  Also, not sure how long you gotta wait for this, but Kevin and Ellis wanna start Titty Fucking Magazine so fuck yeah!  Oh, and finally, for the ladies, if your in the Hollywood area and wanna get titty fucked by a Hollywood Star, thats @ImKevinFarley on twitter – Enjoy!

 

 

Rawdog was quite the little artist!

 

 

Well turns out the ADHD meds are wearing off on yet another tremendous edition of Your Mom’s House, so enjoy Hollywood News kids.  Demi Moore is banging a younger Jason Ellis, good on ya mate!  The Crickets are still alive. Nicole Richie was awesome in her dress she wore at this years Met Gala.  Rawdog ain’t down for eating any crickets, maybe Dom is.  What the fuck is a Met Gala anyways?  Tom Hanks tops the list of Most Trusted individuals.  Julia Roberts is Hindu.  Some dude was swallowed by a hippo.  “Meth Heads Die”, “Tully Beating Potheads”, “Will Suggesting Coke” what do all these  have in common?  They’re just random notes I jotted down, again the ADHD is thick today. Mayhem just figured out he ain’t listening to the show for a few days…….

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…..but I’m sure he would feel better knowing that this dude Min existed back in the day, and could drop a load in the Nile River to ensure to crops would grow, duh!  That reminds me of the time I tricked your grandmother into believing that if I dropped a load in her throat, her teeth would grow back, OH!

Show Re-Cap for Thursday 5/2/13

Welcome to yet another Thursday edition of The Sounds Funny Show with your host Sounds Funny, aka Billy Madison.  That and Diddy is knock kneed, whatever the fuck that means.  Listen to this shit, Ellismate, the myth, the man, the ledge, said NO to a TV show.  Fuck oath mate!  Apparently it was some CMT show about tattoos with The Wing being a judge.  Sounds awesome so far, especially considering CMT has such shows as County Fried Home Videos, Guntucky, Redneck Island with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and who could forget Dog And Beth On The Hunt…..but it would take him away from the radio show and that shit ain’t right!  Besides, like Rawdog reminded him this only makes the TV networks want him more.  Getting over a wheat allergy makes you want pizza more, just ask Linsanity who is over such an allergy, and probably passed out as you read this from his first slice of pie, Red Dragons to you my little Asian baby friend.  Speaking of little Asian baby friends who aren’t Asian, or babies anymore really, Tiger and Devin were jamming out to Master Of Puppets with Ellismate and despite their attempt, they couldn’t deny the riff!  Oh, and in case you forgot, Dom is a moron.  I’m not getting into how gluttony obvious he’s a glutton for glutenous abuse.

 

Bet he would have said yes to this....

Bet he would have said yes to this….

 

Hollywood News bitches and it starts on a somber tone, as Mac Daddy of Kris Kross has passed on to the ghetto in heaven, may Barry bless your sole.   Lindsay Lohan, queen of Hollywood News, may be queen of some California Prison for Women, check it out!  Katy Perry’s dad is a religious nut job from way back.  People don’t like Jesse James no more, but to me the news was they did in the first place, not OH!  Reese Witherspoon spoke out on being blasted and driving, and she’s totally pregnant too!  That’s realyl it for Hometown News, so which celebrity would Ellis be able to bang n maybe date a little to gain some serious followers on Vine?  Honestly this should be a World’s Greatest, but while were here the discussion was basically between Meryl Streep who’s just too famous, Rihanna who’s just too stupid, Lady Gaga which was just a bad idea in the first place, and of course Ke$ha who was the winner by default.  Looks kids, it can’t always be Radio Gold!

 

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Holy shit this is crazy, some dude in Saskatoon got ticketed for not wearing a seat belt, but dude has no arms!  Well of course a story this gnarly gets Rawdog, Tully and Ellis going on whether or not this scenario is safe.  What does happen if you, having no arms, go flying out your windshield into some dude walking his dog down the street?  Rawdog says dude should have to wear a seat belt, Ellis doesn’t – who’s right?  Some judge somewhere told this trucker dude that if you get into an accident, and slide out of your seat but the car remains in motion, you can’t stop it….so the seat belt also keeps you in your seat to control the car in a time of emergency.  Fucking geek speak but good shit, so I guess we witnessed some more accidental genius.  Enough of that, Cumtard is back on the show and sounds awesome, good vibe, and except for a kidney stone the size of the areolas in Rawdog’s dreams, is healthy and working out.  Good shit Kevin, so what’s he here for – to plus his shit!  Not without first having to defeat his nemesis and arch enemy, who he says he’s cool with but we all know is a total cover, Domtard in a game of Shock Pictionary.  Going in the odds were on Cumtard for sure, well since he created the game in the first place.  First to 3 (not best of 3) and the teams are Cumtard and Ellis Tully Ellis no wait yeah Ellis (Not cause he wanted to avoid Cumtard rather shock the shit out of Dom), against Domtard and Tully.  Round One was well played by both but Domtard edged it out by drawing ‘Fire’ in less than 16 seconds.  Round 2 Cumtard ‘TV’ 4 seconds!  If you do go back and listen, be sure to catch Dom’s 2 minute 20 second sketch of a clown, hilarious!  Round 3 was quite the opposite, with Cumtard getting shocked like hell for over a minute drawing a ‘Cigar’, and Domtard taking the round with a 10 second ‘Moustache’.  Now i don’t know what happened after that, but these two mutherfuckers dug deep and pulled out some heroics the likes of Al Bundy at Polk High.  Round 4 was pretty crazy, with Cumtard just edging Dom out with a 9 second master piece entitled ‘Alien’.  Tied up and all the money on the line, Cumtard starts round 5 with a 6 second ‘Hitler’ (Shitty Band Name if anyone needs it), but is ultimately outdone by a 4 second ‘Sun’ to give Domtard the victory!  So fuck that sucks, Kevin can’t plug his shit, what do we do?  Give him another chance on the punch machine, and if he can beat the top female score, he can plug his shit!  Sounds fair, and remember I said Kevin sounds much healthier, well he laid into the first one and knocked a 55 which was already enough to beat all the ladies and get his plug.  But fuck that, Cumtard took all 3 shots, and maxed out at a 60 on his last punch, bringing him even with the likes of Tully and Dingo!  So does he get his plug, well not really cause all he got was to get a load shot on his face by fifty while videoed for Vine.  Ok fine he can have a shitty little plug – Go to www.riotcast.com and check the merchandise tab for his Mad Scientist Party Hour tee’s n shit, or just click here!

 

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This mutha fucker here is clearly Fucktard Of The Week – way to go champ!  Ellis is getting a milkshake bar in the studio with elk cum in it so he can roid up and beat the shit out of any Gracie who wants it.  The Everlast song is allegedly done, fuck yeah!  And this is the most racist commercial ever kinda stupid!  Breaking News and its tragic kids so I warn you this fucking sucks – Slayer guitarist Jeff Hanneman has died at the age of 49 years old.  Instead of a moment of silence, I’d rather offer you this, and please take 4 minutes out of your day and listen to the riff and may he be remembered as great as this!

Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 - 5/2/2013)

                               Jeff Hanneman (1/31/1964 – 5/2/2013)

Slingin’ Cream is real damn it, just ask Mr. Ding-A-Ling and how he was threatened by rival owner Sno Cone Joe, no bullshit!  And if you don’t think that’s funny, then go back and listen to Ellis run off a list of new Wolfknife names.  I’m not gonna list them all, in fact I’m not gonna list any.  Final calls pretty much were just about a whole bunch of randomness really.  One caller did have the nerve to call in and steal my closing joke, about how your grandmother went to the swap meet and picked up some porn to keep the 6 year old entertained while I slang some of my own cream, OH!


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