Hello and welcome once again to the Wednesday recap of TJES, where the details don’t matter and nobody walks away any better because of it. I promise I’ll go easy at first until you feel warmed up enough to take the whole thing, and then I’ll fist your mind up to the bicep. Speaking of biceps, or lack thereof, Jason watched that Soul Surfer movie about the Jesus freak who got her arm bit off by a shark and it got him feeling inspired. You’ve got to be like the tiger jumping ten feet in the air to grab a steak out of the sky, you’ve got to chase your dreams or some shit like that. Self doubt is the biggest contributor to failure when it comes to achieving a goal, so you’ve got to be like that little girl with no arm and power through. Unless you get caught in an impromptu “YMCA” dance, in which case you just need to get the fuck off the stage and let a whole person get it right.
Hello, fuck you and I’m sorry this recap is going to be dog shit. I’m on my phone, I’m in a shitty mood and could hardly be bothered to give a flying fuck today, and it’s not even Friday! Overachieving as always. So let’s get into it. Continue reading
Hey mongrels, welcome to another edition of “Branden had a long ass day and didn’t take any notes”, so this re-cap will be sponsored by @bitPimps twitter feed. Shout out to that son of a bitch. I promise you no withered old comedians blew up on Ellis because his kid’s band sucks. Nor were there any RC cars pulling, ripping or otherwise yarding on Cumtards genitalia, so it was a pretty uneventful day.
Dan Ballzarian from Ballzaria reportedly got arrested at LAX for bringing all the makin’s for TNT on the plane. The guys speculated on what exactly he was trying to explode, when they arrived on the conclusion that he intended to blow up his instagram feed because he is in fact a narcissistic psychopath. Speaking of balls, are you tired of your balls smelling? Me too, you stinky Jew, which is why you need some scented underpants that make you smell like Cinnabon. Tully dislikes that idea because it would remind him of waiting for a flight with shitty food around you. I think they are on the right track with this idea, although it could be improved by instead making a scented cork for your mom’s vagina so that when I jam my rod inside of her, it smells like a bowl of Cinnamon pinecones.
Hello and welcome to another exciting Wednesday recap of the Jason Ellis show. Now get your fingers out of your ass and sit the fuck down. We almost didn’t have a show today because California, apparently, isn’t equipped to deal with rain. And by rain, I mean light drizzle. Speaking of weak pussies, Tully thinks women don’t bust nuts as good as men do. That is to say the quality of the nuts they are busting aren’t comparable, and therefore you don’t hear of women jackin off to catch a nut when they are bored. As you would expect, in true Ellisfam fashion, the calls lit up with girls who say they rub a nut out before they go to work, before they go to sleep and they do NUT HARD. So those chicks are out there, and remember, if you don’t have very good orgasms, their is something wrong with your vagina and/or the things you are sticking in it. Continue reading
Well holy shit look who re Continue reading