All this Mayweather / Pacquiao talk, I don’t wanna hear it.

So it’s Monday. “Star Wars Day” for many of you, and “Who Cares Day” for probably just as many of you. So Ellis ended up watching the Mayweather vs Pacquiao fight even though he didn’t plan to. He didn’t want to contribute any money towards a man who allegedly has beaten women 7 times in his life. I didn’t watch it and I’m super glad I didn’t because man, I’d be fucking pissed if I paid money to watch what ended up being the equivalent of a high school slow dance. Everyone sounds pretty pissed about the fight because it was ridiculously boring. I was pissed too because the stupid fight had so many viewers that it actually took down the some cable and satellite providers and not many channels were available. Stupid. The all knowing Dingo says that Mexico (the country) bought the fight and showed it for free in the entire country, which would clearly make Mexico the biggest boxing country in the universe. Sounds like Jamie Foxx annoyed the fuck out of everyone. There was a shitload of famous people there. Who cares. The Kentucky Derby was this weekend, a horse named American Pharoah won. The horse is owned by some dude way richer than you, his name is Bob Baffert. Ellis almost bit his tongue off in his sleep, went looking at houses, and got a suit this weekend. Tully almost burned his finger off while on pain killers, killing black widow spiders, and cooking his Friday night steaks. Ellis has been on-air for 10 years, which includes him being a DJ and his time on Tony Hawks show. Kevin, a caller said that it was 10 years to this actual day, though nobody can seem to really confirm that, even the CEO of Faction. Dingo says he’s been selling snowboarding gloves for over 10 years, that can’t be confirmed either. Tanner Hall the professional freeskier called into the show to say hi to Luke “Dingo” Trembath. NBA playoffs was on Saturday, Spurs vs Clippers. Tully said it was exciting and free so he feels good about skipping the whole boxing thing. Motocross was on  Saturday too, it was probably exciting.

So you say you’re a tough, buff, cream puff?

Ronda Rousey. Jason Ellis. Town Hall. Last chance. Suit life. Ellis is reading her book in preparation. Allegedly. Dingo read the blurb on the inside. Ellis has been in the US since like 1991 or so and Dingo has been here like 2000 or so and now it’s time for them to complete some classic American slogans. Let’s just say that for most of them, they had their own twist on the slogans – which wasn’t correct, but maybe they should’ve been because some of them were way better than the original. Now it’s time for Tough, Buff, Cream Puff – a call in segment where callers can admit to some of the manly tough and womanly cream puff shit they’ve done. Example: Tully murdered a hobo once (tough) and then made love to his corpse and cried (cream puff). I missed pretty much all of that segment but I’m sure it was full of cream puffs – maybe some toughs too – but mainly cream puffs. Dingo cries at Real Sports with Bryant Gumble, Tully cries at sports figures, Wilson cries at Pink Floyd The Wall, Andrew cries at pets, Ellis cries in the shower, and you cry every time you watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

Spoiler alert: I’m going to tell you something about your mother at the end of this.

MMA News time. Jon Jones may never be back in the octagon again, according to his manager, which is according to Ariel Helwani, which is according to Mike Tully. Dingo and Ellis aren’t buying it though, they think he’ll be back because there’s just too much money it for him. Gymkini is still looking for donations so he can post the photo of his next stunt, the stunt has been completed, the photo is there, now he just needs the money so he can help cure cystic fibrosis. Will is here to talk about lucid dreaming and he’s been studying up on it so he too can take control of his dreams and remember them and stuff. Tully has read about it and says step 1 is to get naked and sit in front of a mirror and stare at yourself for a few hours, Will says he’s never going to do that. However, he has started keeping a journal of his dreams, at least from what he can remember. He also found a YouTube video of some dude saying “you will remember your dreams”, yada, yada, yada, and then like 10 hours of music. So Will laid down and before he knew it, he was off in dream land, controlling his dreams – fucking, sucking, hog tying, bringing Ellis and Tully into his world of murderous fuckery. You have to wonder how many times he’s forced Katie into his dreams and had his way with her. Allegedly, of course. But that’s not the only reason why Will is in the studio – with an erection – he has World News to tell us about. Willie Nelson has a book out, he was married to a 16-year-old while he was 19. Beards can dirtier than a shitter in a Denny’s. There’s a Kurt Cobain documentary coming on HBO soon, Dingo already saw it a few weeks ago in the theater and really liked it. Everyone has their opinion on Kurt / Nirvana and most of them are based on absolutely nothing because they didn’t even like Nirvana. And then there was final calls and we all know how that usually goes, just make something up and you’re probably right. And then your mom had to go to “work”, and we all know how that goes too, but go ahead and make up whatever you need to so that you can sleep and not wonder how much whoring your mother has done, is currently doing, and will do in the future. And then I throw the mic down and walk away from this recap.