You’re going to stop reading after 1.

You feel that? Can ya feel me balls tightening as I’m inside of you? That’s right, I’m putting the sexy back into Monday. Okay, not really. But it’s the thought that counts, right? Did you all catch Rude Jude on the Howard Stern show today? You’d be a lot cooler if you did. Dingo is back in studio today, you probably heard him already though. Ellis isn’t down with pimps and ho’s anymore, he thinks he done with prostitutes, but that’s his brain talking, we’ll see what his dick has to say about it when it wakes up. Dingo taught us about Qatar, he knows everything about the place, even it’s future. No, no. Don’t even bother fact checking him, you’re just going to make yourself look stupid. Just remember, Dingo travels the globe and has been longer than your dad has been cheating on your mom. He’s also seen jewelry. Ellis is feeling like he no longer has friends. The Madden brothers? Doesn’t even talk to them anymore, they’re acquaintances at this point. Carey Hart & Pink? Never see them anymore. Dingo can’t stand it anymore, he begs to continue his story about Dubai and modern day slavery. By the way, Dubai isn’t in Qatar – but don’t tell Dingo, just let him ramble on. Tully has finally sold Ellis on the Roku, they both Roku’d the shit outta themselves this weekend. Remember that story about Ellis doing heroin with the two hookers who stole all his money? You’ve probably heard it before. A lot. Anyway, he watched some documentary and it pretty much sold him on the idea of giving up prostitutes and sticking his dick in or around them. For now. Anyway, this is where we married the idea of modern day slavery with prostitutes and pimps – which in itself is definitely a plot summary for some softcore porn on Cinemax. Time to take some calls, most notably from a female who claims to be a prostitute and another call from a male who claims to have been a pimp. Overall consensus? What’s that chick’s number?

The rumor mill is in full operational mode right now. People are saying Christian James Hand made a post on his Facebook (seriously? people still use that?) stating that he had just gotten fired. He also said it’s all Ellis’ fault he was fired and that Ellis is a sociopath and that is who you (listeners of TJES) support.

…Jason Ellis just succeeded in finally getting me fired from SIRIUS. To all of u “Ellisfam” that continue to support this fuxking sociopath…that’s who u are “fans” of. Kudos. You’re an ATM to him. Nothing more, nothing less.

Angry post coming right up!

Lambasting some people who are fans of both probably isn’t the greatest look in the world, but I imagine he’s pretty upset at the moment. At this point, we only have one side of the story so anything I could say here would be strictly assumptions and opinions. I’m not into getting in the middle of shit I know nothing about, this isn’t my drama. That being said, I would be remiss if I totally didn’t even comment on it. So as of right now, all I have to say is this… I don’t see how Ellis would have THAT kind of pull at Sirius to get someone who doesn’t even work for him, fired. Shoebox worked on other stations, not just Faction – though he was let go from those (or at least ALT Nation) too a few months back. But again, what do I know. Anyway, Tully is a serial killer in training, he’s killed another of his son’s fish this weekend. He claims it’s an accident, but that excuse only works after the first 3 deaths. After awhile, that story starts sounding… fishy. A tranny friend of Katie & Ellis’ came into town this weekend, Ellis got annoyed with her and her dick. Sounds like they still had fun though. He met some fans of the show with no pants on. By the way, they were in Palm Springs this weekend. Nudist pool party life. So everyone had a friendly banging strangers good time even though the tranny friend was being a diva bitch. Oh and Ellis’ truck got broken into twice over the weekend.

What? It happens. Remember, MMA is 5% gay too!

Mike In Canada sent in a video today of a homeless dude ghost riding the dick. He really wanted it in the ass, right? There was something about a WWE type wrestling promo, but the real bit here was Tully calling Dingo out in his best WWE hype voice. Dingo tried to go back at him but clearly doesn’t have his inner WWE wrestler channeled just yet, so they’re going to have to shelve this idea for a later date. Instead, we’ll listen to some hand picked WWE guys smack talking for educational purposes, maybe Dingo can take a few pointers from the pros. However, I do not recommend pulling a Booker T. Now it’s time to pit co-worker against co-worker in fake wrestling promo-off land! First up, we have Andrew versus Cumtard. Andrew may be the resident WWE aficionado, but his promo sucks compared to Cumtard’s. But wait! Here comes the Southern Executive, Wilson Pendarvis versus Big Daddy Jayce Cakes. The clear winner here was the Southern Executive, his promos are on point, very humiliating, and informative. Next up was Michael “Beast Mode” Tully with his signature “whoo-whoo-whoo” lip service and a whole lot of spit flying in the face of his opponent. His opponent? Dingo the “Mandingo”. His promo game has stepped up but it’s just not the level of Beast Mode’s, I hereby declare Beast Mode the winner of that round even though Mandingo’s was full of stupid shit mistakes. Then shit got real, apparently there was a morning meeting planned today, but the Southern Executive never showed up. All the wrassler’s started chiming in on this penny-ante, poo butt excuse for not showing up for a meeting and throwing a fellow wrassler under the cocaine bus. While the Southern Executive was strong and fought hard for his position, Cumtard really started shining here and ultimately left the Southern Executive speechless after calling out his pants being on fire, due to his egregious lies.

Batman, I don’t think guys in the NHL want you to fuck them.

Moto news time. Supercross. Detroit, Michigan. Dingo. There you go. Moto news for your ass. Now it’s Dingo Jeopardy time. I don’t have time to write all that shit down, plus it’d be unsafe as I would be driving at some point during Dingo Jeopardy, so you’re just going to have to listen to the replay or OnDemand if you’re interested in it. The NHL playoffs are coming up soon, so it’s NHL News / Quiz time! Joining this segment will be Batman, Bane, and Dingo (not Mandingo), all three notoriously huge hockey fans. Batman is more a fan of the hard bodies than he is of the game, but that’s par for the course, he’s an eccentric billionaire masquerading as a bat. Anyway, they went through some quiz styles questions and pretty much got every one of them wrong, except for Dingo – but you already know he knows absolutely everything about absolutely everything. Some dude jerked off into some chicks coffee. Yawn. Doesn’t this happen every other week or so? Dingo claims not to be a secret butt fingerer, but Kelly Osbourne’s butt says different, and everyone thinks different. We used to think Will was just an innocent, ordinary, average guy. Turns out he’s a murdering fuck lord – need I say more? Twisted Sister’s drummer died last week, here are tissues if you need them. Ellis loves Doug Benson, no plans on marriage or sex or anything, but you know. And that about does it for today’s show. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow, and tell your mom to stop calling us – she’s not part of our stable of whores anymore. OH!