It’s here, and it’s queer! Wait. No. WE… ARE… LIVE! From Tupelo. Wait. No. From Las Vegas, Vinyl at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. You might have heard about it, EllisMania 10? It’s a thing. The gang is all there, Ellis, Tully, Will, Cumtard, Andrew, Hotdog, Cullen, Dingo, Katie, the Boyce Brothers, Harley Davidson & The Marlboro Man, pretty much everyone. Vinyl is at maximum capacity so some people are unable to get in to watch the show. It’s fuckin’ loud and there’s a lot of people staring at Ellis’ head and Dingo is dressed as a kangaroo. Sounds like Hotdog might have brought his own keg of beer to town in Ellis’ truck. Tully’s side bitch, Bunny, might be getting a beat down by Katie for not showing Tully her tits. Thomas Hayden Church and Betsy donated $10,000 each to go to Everlast’s cystic fibrosis charity. Everlast thanked Ellis by calling him a nigger. The management company helping to put EllisMania together left a welcome basket in Ellis’ hotel room. It had Hotwheels in it! It’s lunch time and Hotdog is tired from getting his beer on ice. Ellis is giving the crowd a shout out for making it out to the event and promises to put on a good show in appreciation. There’s 1 single woman at the show and she’s super short, her head is already at dick level. Tully’s wearing a leather jacket and is currently peaking at his full selfie game. Hotdog’s opponent, Axle, is there. He, like Hotdog, is a virgin – shhhh – don’t tell anyone! There are 9 guys there in support of one of the biggest loser fighters. He’s got a look in his eye like he’s ready to fuck someone up. Actually all 9 of them look like they’re ready to fight Ellis right now. That crazy drunk dude that sent in video of him hitting a punching bag outside under a tree is there. He’s drunk and is on the watch list. He sounds like Ned Gerblansky – the guy with the voice box on South Park. Everyone seems to like Katie’s bogan hair cut, she has the same hair style as the bogan’s who used to headbutt Ellis in school. Ellis’ ballsack is getting sackier, he may be saving to get a sack tuck. Allegedly. Someone just yelled “Show us your tits, Will!”
More face-offs between competitors are planned, some people have dropped out of the fights and they have been replaced. They’re looking for a super tall dude who is Andrew The Vagiant’s opponent, it shouldn’t be hard to find another giant. Oddly enough, they can’t find this 2nd mystery giant so now they’re talking about the Will vs Cumtard fight – people are super excited for this fight. Will’s got his new Wolfknives members only patch thanks to Dave The Voice Boyce. Cumtard’s still kinda pissed about the whole eating onion rings off a gay man’s dick and there was a kerfuffle shuffle during Will’s & Cumtard’s face-off. The second giant has been located, I believe his name is Nick? He’s 6’5″, just a bit shorter than Andrew, but he’s much stockier, he looks like he could shit on Andrew’s chest and Andrew couldn’t do a damn thing about it. He say’s he’s lost a shitload of weight, he’s a big boy. TJ Lavin has showed up, he’s talking about riding bikes, which segues right into racing cars, which segues right into fighting people at the races. That drunk dude got reprimanded again, this time for getting too excited about HateBean. Speaking of which, the band is breaking up after this one and only performance, proving that Will does indeed hate himself. Back on the Will vs Cumtard fight, rollerblades have been purchased, Dingo asked Ellis if he’s been practicing. Ladies in the Biggest Loser fight are on stage, @AmeralReid and I’m not sure who, Jenn maybe? They do not plan on rubbing each other tits, but I bet some tits get punched in the process. Hotdog is there rocking his #TeamNips shirt.
Strip fight chicks (Jenna & Adrian?) are on stage, one of them has had sporty boobs installed and Ellis is drooling all over himself. One is blonde, one is brunette, one is a Wolfknives member, and the other is not. MMA Sasquatch (Forrest Griffin) is there now, and he’s already on his drinking regiment. Ellis will most likely be facing Forrest tomorrow night in the ring along with the next guest that arrived – The Dean of Mean Keith Jardine. Kit Cope is texting asking if they are allowed to kick Ellis, so he and Mike Jasper will probably be 2 more of the people Ellis will be facing. Ellis keeps saying Tully better not be one of them contenders, he’s super concerned about that as he’s said he would refuse to fight Tully. Ellis gonna get socked tomorrow! Several of the Biggest Loser men fighters are ready to face-off. First up, Jeff and I already forgot the other dude’s name. Both of them have lost like 60+ plus pounds, these guys are large and in charge even after their weight loss. There two more dudes that are wanting to fight, so a 2nd men’s Biggest Loser fight has been added to the card. One of these guys is saying the other talks a ton of shit on Twitter and Facebook and he wants a piece of that big-boy and it sounds like he’ll have his chance to do just that. They reviewed Ellis’ last fight with Gabe Ruediger and the fiasco that followed later that night when Gabe pulled a bitch move and punched Nippolopolis’ husband. Sam Tripoli is there now, he’ll be the musical chair fight with the legend that is Butterballs and hope Sam gets his ass handed to him! Sam just basically regurgitated the same hot heckler story he’s told on the show 3 times before. Ellis did some crowd surfing, actually, he just went into the crowd to take some questions. And that pretty much wraps up today’s show. Tiger Box will be on later (9pm Pacific – 12am Eastern) and after that will be HateBean! If you’re not at the event, hit OfficialJasonEllis.com, sign-up, pay your $10 bucks and watch the rest of this weekend’s events.