Hey, it’s Thursday so that means another re-cap from yours truly, Cody_McCraw92! Oh wait…turns out he’s too busy rubbing coco butter on his abs and waiting for his balls to fully descend, so I’m here to save the day.
Ellis started the show with sweaty palms and he thinks that fluids coming from you means that you’re still alive. Tell that to the freshly dead guy that just shit and pissed himself. Steroids may not be that bad for you if done properly according to Tully so that means it’s scientific fact because Tully is the voice of everything factual! Now that Ellis is part Asian and Native American he is getting far less shit at the gym now that everyone knows the real struggle his ancestors had to endure just so the black man would have their turn to endure struggles. Jude’s cum stinks and stains yellow. They Were talking about cleaning jizz and how he likes to drop his wad on his tum tum a bunch and all the chicks listening got moist thinking of his man goo. Jude wasn’t there just to talk about his masturabatory habits, he’s there to participate in the academy award winning segment, Guilty Pleasures! The songs played were…
I Saw The Sign by Ace Of Bass – Jude
Rock Me Amadeus by Falco – Tully
Don’t stop I need your love (fuck if I know) By Andrew WK – Kevin
Some pussy song By Inyo – Tully
Break Free by Arianna Grande – Kevin
Hold on for one more day by Wilson Phillips – Jude
New York City, Arthur? (Your guess is as good as mine) By Christopher Cross – Tully
What’s the frequency Kenneth by REM – Kevin
I can’t get enough of you baby (Fuck kiss) by KISS – Will
Some shit By Alicia Keys – Ellis
Hello, white days black nights, yer mums on my cock by ELO – Will
Kenny G playing his rusty trombone – Jude
And a bunch of other songs that we don’t want to admit that we knows the words too. If Cody was doing the recap he would have wrote them all down but he’s too busy doing Kegal exercises with 15lb dumbbells.
The Hard Rock talked to Ellis about opening up the balcony area and potentially having more tickets available for EM so not all hope is lost for the procrastinators. In Taiwan there is an organization that provides hand jobs for disabled people that can’t handle themselves them self. After talking about giving lady boys old fashioned they figured out some costumes for the Musical Chairs Fight. They decided on a Spice Girl, a horse jockey, a Celtic warlord, Hulk Thunder Lips Hogan, fat Armenian, Clubber Lane, cow, and Butterballs appearing as Butterballs! Joanna finished her porn and we got a sneak preview in our ear holes. I totally ear came. I’m sure Cody could have described it more eloquently but he’s too busy flexing in front of a mirror with another mirror behind him so he can catch EVERY angle.
If shooting bugs with salt just wasn’t good enough the makers of Bug-A-Salt has created the Bug-A-Salt 2.0 now in a sweet camo pattern. And with every purchase they donate 5 dollars to help out military service men and women. So go buy one or two and show your support of America while shooting salt at your best friends. A woman had an 11 month old baby pull cocaine from her shirt in front of a cop. Stupid baby. Fucking narcs am I right!
Today also brought us a new Emmy winning bit, Name That Poon! This is the award winning game where the contestants try to guess who the actress is in the audio clip of a sex scene in a movie. First up was a spank-tastic clip from Drew Barrymore making us want very more! Next was a tit-alizing clip of Glen Close getting very close! Then we heard Hally Berry getting Billy Bobs berries off! Up next was a boner-riffic clip of Heather Graham showing us her crack-er. Then we listened to Julianne Moore beg for more! Kathleen Turner was quite the head turner in the next clip. Next up was Natalie Portman filling her port, man! And if your naughty bits aren’t tingly by now maybe the clip of Angelina Jolie will, aww fuck it. This is too hard to write with one hand. If you know what I mean. Cody wouldn’t have done them all either, that dude jacks off like the energizer bunny after slamming a red bull and freebasing Viagra.
Will had some news about some dumb ass people that did some dumb ass shit and now their dumb asses are in trouble. Everyone gets the cold for the first time over and over again. More dumbasses. Target is selling dildos and cock rings. And it’s all Obamas fault. Thanks Obama for more orgasms and a more exciting sex life.
Madonna slowed down sounds like Marilyn Manson. Super metal. And finally, Final calls. They were typical. The usual. But don’t blame me for not being better at recapping them as Cody. He would have done a fabulous job but he couldn’t be here today because he is currently doing a lower back workout, fucking yer mum, OH!