Good evening and welcome, sit down and shut up I’m in a shit mood and want this over with.
Ellis found himself feeling like a fuck for a split second for getting a little tubby after his surgery, but then he remembered he just had surgery on his fucking heart and you are allowed a few pounds after that. But that makes him realize he should use his power of radio to tell people they can get fit and lose weight and not be such pieces of shit. You know who are pieces of shit? Chicks who smoke when they are pregnant. Ellis saw a chick outside of where he lives who was sporting a baby bump and sucking down a cancer stick. Tully correctly deduced it to not the lowest form of trash, but a form of trash that is just above putting mountain dew in a baby bottle. Or a foreigner.
50 cent can’t throw a pitch, Kevin Hart is little but wants to be a big basketball player and Master P tried running the Bball game for a long time. Not sure what I took away from this. Don’t care either.
Jack Osbourne was on the show today! Right off the bat, Ellis confessed that Kelly and him had a little spat but that it was probably because of Ellis acting like a Vagina and having soft skin. Jack says his sister is pretty good at rubbing people the wrong way. It wasn’t a very long interview but they talked really quick about how Jack has lost some weight and gotten into fighting a little bit. Apparently there is a video out there somewhere of Jack knocking a dude out with a knee, but he says himself it’s not that impressive. If you didn’t know, Jack was recently diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and they talked a little bit about how it’s manageable with eating healthy and getting exercise. He says he has the type that just flares up and goes away. “Like herpes!” Ellis proclaimed, and they all laughed boisterously together. Jack has a website called YouDontKnowJackAboutMS.com
Speaking of health: Jason finally laid down the gauntlet for Will on his fatness and his smoking. From this day forth until Ellismania, every day that Will smokes, he has to do pushups. But will wouldn’t do the pushups on the show because he didn’t want to be humiliated by it. Humiliate him by posting comments on his IG here. I don’t think Wilson has what it takes to buck up and better himself for Cumtard, and in fact, in my humble opinion, I think Cumtard beats Will’s lily fat, smelly ass at Ellismania X. That’s right, #FuckWill #TeamTard. I don’t care if watching Ellis rollerblade is less satisfying than Cumtard eating onion rings off of a hard dick. GO CUMTARD! FUCK WILSON! And for more reasons than just him being a shit head about the pushups. This is about when Ellis talks to him when he is in the green room, and instead of stepping to the mic, he just yells through the door instead of waddling his ass to where the listeners don’t have hear Jetta screening calls. Ellis is super pumped on getting Wilson to quit smoking though, and so should you. Comment on all of his IG photos here and tell him about it.In the news, some lady got her twat in a knot over an Oregonian LSD Elf that attacked her car with a sword while battling Dark Lord Morgoth. It was totally her fault though, she was asking for it when she disrespected a High Elf who just got a new pair of ears.(#YesAllWomen.) Everyone in Oregon knows you don’t vibe the Elves during new ear season.
They did Wolfknife names so everyone chuckled and Big Daddy Jas Cakes counted your paper.
The guys had a jam-off where Cumtard, Will and Jetta faced off playing a blues riff and Ellis and Tully judged them. I couldn’t tell you who won, but it all sounded like blues to me, which is to say it sounded like Muhammad Ali trying to pick up a guitar more than someone playing it. The blues suck.
To end the day, the guys played the “Misheard lyrics” game where they play a snippet of a song, and everyone has to guess what the mush mouth artist is saying. A quick round-up:
Radiohead wants to stuff their shit in your pocket.
Snow-Informer is to this day something only Canadians can understand which leads me to believe it contains the secret war plans for their invasion.
CCR always has and always will sound like Swamp-Billy rock you can kill a gook to.
Fall Out Boy: Even though I like Fall Out Boy, not one of their songs makes a damn bit of sense, and they mumble through it anyway.
Bone Thugs say some Bone Thuggish things that I am neither young enough or black enough to understand.
Blondie just sucks.
Tell Will he sucks, and Cumtard is going to beat him here on his IG.
There is a fun new game where you smash peoples nuts with the super Ken Block RC car. Watch it here.