Here we are, last show of the week thanks to the 4th of July. MURICA! Ellis thinks it would be great to have Stern’s lovely locks, but he also believes you can create your own lovely locks, as he’s done with his head tattoo. It’s fun to make up stuff in your head, and sometimes it can be more satisfying than the shit you’re doing in real life. Tully has matured, as a musician. He used to play heavy and loud music, but now, other than Death! Death! Die!, he wouldn’t be looking to play the heavy stuff – but maybe more cracker soul type music. We got to hear some rap from the boys, should radio shows turn to just rapping and beats like Swayzizzle in the mornings. Culver City just be called Ball City, so you know what you’re gonna get when you go there. More talk about future Rawdog as a daddy, he thinks he’ll cut his fast food intake at least in half. And he’ll just sneak out of the house when he has to go get his McDonald’s fix, leaving his kids to fend for themselves with celery and carrots.
Hospitals spend enormous amounts of money removing even more enormous objects from peopes’ asses. And with that, it’s NMT on Wednesday time. The best part? When Will had to record a New Music Wednesday button that talked about Josh “The Jewish Monster” Richmond beating the shit out of Shannon “The Animal” Shenanigans Gunz Gunz, with his Jewish claws. Nelly has a new album out, and I only mention that because he’s from St. Louis, but I’m sure it sucks just as much as the rest of the stuff out today – errr… yesterday. Whatever. Jay-Z apparently has a few songs on his new album that deal with him being a dad and how he had nobody around to teach him how to be a man or good father, so he’s learning that now. This led us into Shannon “The Animal” Shenanigans Gunz Gunz being in studio to go against Rawdog in the primal challenge. If Rawdog beats Gunz, he gets to grab her box (over the jeans) and Gunz beats Rawdog, she gets to show Ellis her tits. Surprisingly, no vomit noises from Rawdog after his workout, but we did hear some nice grunting coming from Gunz while she did her workout. Wait, wait… scratch that, we finally got some vomit from Rawdog while Gunz was making girl tennis grunts and that’s when millions of wads were simultaneously blown around the globe. In the end, Shannon beat Rawdog, didn’t barf, and could talk on the radio right afterwards – so I guess she gets to show her tits to Ellis.
Women, am I right? time! Some chick saw a Muslim guy and freaked out because she thinks Muslim cab drivers drive for a year or so to save up money so they can blow themselves up. Then she called 911 to complain that she felt threatened by the Muslim driving the cab she was in. A female weather reporter doing umm, the weather, saw a little bug on the projector while doing her thing in front of the green screen and flipped the fuck out. A woman in Oklahoma called 911 after she got stuck in a charity donation bin. Two sisters in Miami got pulled over, the sisters switched spots (driver to passenger) and both got arrested for DUI. A woman in Massachusetts called police and said she had been abducted, but she just locked herself in trunk because she didn’t want to be arrested for DUI. A woman in New Zealand glued her lips shut and tried to call police for help by grunting over the phone. A couple having sex in an SUV ran over a woman who called 911 on them. A family of 3 from Ohio were arrested for attempting to sever fingers of a romantic rival with pruning shears. A woman in Kansas City, MO poured gas on a bus rider and threatened to light motherfuckers on fire because she wanted that god damned bus seat.
I forgot the rest while I was driving in traffic, so we’ll just have to skip ahead to some chick that started a website full of videos of couples “making love” (or whoopee) instead of fucking like in porn. Her idea is that the world will be full of better lovers if they watch boring missionary intercourse instead of porn star maneuvers. Little Timmy won’t expect to blast his load in little Jenny’s face, and shit will go back to the 1800’s where everybody was stiff, boring, smelly, and the complete opposite of hot. Oh, and her site is a pay-for service so you little kids with working credit cards, there ya go. Talk about dumb ideas, what horny kid is gonna opt for watching old & fat people making love when they can see cock starved whores gobble up wad like it was elixir from the fountain of youth, for free? Some would even argue that porn has made the world better. Could you imagine if you never got blow jobs or titty fucked? That’s just wrong. And with that, I’ll wrap up this re-cap so I can go make a brine for these chickens I’ma be smoking tomorrow for the 4th! Have a good rest of the week and weekend errybody! Oh, speaking of food and ‘Murica, let’s be real assholes and take a minute to make jokes about people from another country! Ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they. How do you start an Ethiopian rave party? Stick a piece of toast on the ceiling. What’s positive about Ethiopia? HIV. And what do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit? Showing off. OH!