It’s Monday again, but this time it’s a short 3 day work week for most us, sorry Canadians – you already had yours. Oi, mate, no way – Dingo’s in the house today, so one can only assume loud, cackling laughter and people yelling over each other will be a portion of the show today. Before the show could even really start, Rawdog came out with another gem, instead of saying he was going to “dip” into a Monster or Red Bull, he said “depp” – as in Johnny Depp. Tully’s hair still needs time to marinate, he’s been growing it out and his mail-order bride helped him Depp that shit up. Ellis got himself another vehicle (as well as a vest), it’s a Dodge, and he’s cool with it even if millions of fans aren’t. Rawdog asked a chick out over the weekend, and she said yes – so shout out to that sly motherfucker for Depping up to the plate. Georges St. Pierre may have won his fight over the weekend, but according to many, he’s a boring fighter – his tactics and game plan works and wins him fights, but it’s boring as hell to watch. Anderson Silva also won his fight, but now is going on hiatus so you can star in movies. Really solid C, approaching B, movies. Dingo got his Wolfknives package today, so it’s official, he’s still known as Dingo.
You know what’s kinda fun for Ellis? Going to his kid’s soccer game with Katie and seeing his ex-wife there. Katie and Andrea say their pleasantries and Ellis is only thinking, “I banged both of you. I had kids with that one, but I’m going out with this one. Weird.” That does have to be a sort of odd situation. Tully and his family went to a museum the other day and were passing a family with a massively fat 9 year-old kid that everyone had to squeeze around because the kid’s walrus blubber was taking up the entire sidewalk. That’s gotta suck for that kid, but it also sucks for people who have to walk into traffic to avoid rubbing their genitals against the kid’s bulbous ass. Hence junk food diets. Apparently some dude ran a marathon fueled only by McDonald’s for the last month before the marathon – and dude finished in his own personal record best time. Enter Rawdog claiming that McDonald’s is actually healthy for you. Congratulations, the human race just took three giant, waddling steps backwards. Not even speaking about weight, but how do you manage to eat the same thing for a month straight without going bat shit crazy?
Game time, “You Don’t Know Shit About Jason Ellis”, which is like The Newlywed Game, but with Rawdog, Tully, and Dingo being the acting spouses of Jason Ellis. And now, on with the questions and Ellis’ answers.
- Q: If Ellis could have the head of any animal, what would it be?
- Q: If they made a movie about the story of my life, who would play the role of Jason Ellis?
A: Russell Crowe
- Q: A _____ (blank) is not a musical instrument.
- Q: With the money I spent on that Porsche, I could have bought Josh a new ______ (blank).
- Q: Will Pendarvis’ sexiest feature is his definitely his ______ (blank)
- Q: If I could only perform 1 sex position for the rest of my life, it would be _______ (blank)
- Q: I’m willing to do pretty much anything in the bedroom, but when it comes to ______ (blank), I have to draw the line
A: Shit & murder
- Q: Other than rollerblading, the lamest hobby anyone could have would be ______ (blank)
- Q: If I had to do Kevin, i would probably have sex with his _______ (blank)
- Q: If I had to be reborn as any other race, other than white, I would choose to be ______ (blank)
- Q: The strangest place any of your loads has ever landed, has been on a ______ (blank)
- Q: If you could change one thing about how Josh looks, it would be his ______ (blank)
A: Torso (muscles)
- Q: Aside from Jesus or God, the coolest dude in the bible is _____ (blank)
- Q: If you had to make out with one guy associated with the show, staff or reoccurring guest, who would it be?
A: Benji Madden
- Q: What is the most awesome snack to enjoy while you’re stoned?
- Q: If I could live in any European country, I would live in ______ (blank)
- Q: What body part would you be most willing to give up?
- Q: If you were a bird, what type of bird would you be?
- Q: My biggest muscle is my ______ (blank)
- Q: My biggest fear is being attacked by a rabid ______ (blank)
- Q: Ellis fans are aggressive, I was once approached by a fan with I was _____ing (blank)
- Q: If I could pick the way that I die, it would be ______ (blank)
And the winner was, Dingo – beating out Tully in a tie-breaker. Next up was Hollywood News, and I was driving home from work while that was going on so I’ve pretty much forgotten about all of it. However, the real story here is the Cumtard’s butt chugging video is up on EllisMania.com with another video on it’s way – probably during the Thanksgiving Holiday break. In the meantime, you can read his Q & A with the fans while you wait. Then it was time for final calls and a quick Rawdog raping where a testicle may or may not have popped out. It’s okay though, that ball is going to be just fine as soon as he cuts your mother’s nipples off with a straight razor, the erection he’ll get from that will pull his ball right back into place, and then he gets to use the puss and ooze as lube to fist her and finish by jerking himself off inside her asshole. OH!