Show Re-cap For Friday 5/18/2012


We made it! It’s Friday! But yet a lot of us still want to kill people today, what the fuck is it with today? I don’t know, all I know is I’ll piss in today’s asshole if it fucks with me anymore. Ellis popped a rib out or some shit when he was sparring with Babalu Sobral, I suppose you run the risk of those kinds of things happening when you’re fucking around with tough motherfuckers. The logical thing to do was let Dr. Rawdog try and stand on Ellis to pop the rib back in, turns out 120 pounds of chicken nuggets aren’t enough to pop a rib back into place. Enter Dr. Tully, he took his turn with as much luck as Dr. Rawdog, so they called another professional, Dr. Shoebox – and viola! Ribbie popped back into place and role credits, then a sneak peek and next weeks episode of House, MD.

Some chick that had won a @HardLuckKings guitar off the show called in, she used to dabble in the prostitution game, but now she just drives herself to a “weekly appointment” she has, and jerks off her boyfriend while she drives. What a fuckin’ champ! Some other girl called in asking if she was a slut because she let’s her girlfriend finger her while she plays Mario Kart. I don’t think an answer was ever given because apparently along with fingers in her pussy, she also has fingers in her ears – because she couldn’t hear for shit. Some dude called in and said he used a fucking laser pointer to burn off a genital wart! There can’t be much brains involved in that operation, I’d be goddamned if I’m letting a laser pointer near my nuts if it’s powerful enough to burn through skin.

Rawdog brought in some food and beverages purchased from a 99 cent store and the guys tried the smorgasbord of failure. Some of the names were just as fantastic as you would think, there were too many for me to list, but a couple of my favorite product names were “Mrs Freshley’s” and “Salsaghetti”. Did I ever tell you the true story on how your mom started hooking? No? Well I was there to witness it, so let me tell you how it all started. Back when your mom and dad were still married and down on their luck, they decided to make a few extra bucks by having your mom work the corner. After the first day your dad picks her up and asks “how did you do?”. She said, “I did pretty well, I made $200.50″. Your dad asked, “What asshole gave you 50 cents?” and she replied “all of them”. OH!

Show Re-cap For Thursday 5/17/2012


Ones fear often can be debilitating and incredibly difficult to overcome.  However today we learned a simple, rather effective solution to this fear, get punched in the face.  Yes folks it’s that simple, just go to your local gym or boxing center and find the biggest guy there and have him punch you in the face.  According to Jason Ellis this is the only method that he uses. This message has been brought to you by your local Rhinoplasty Center.  Ellis is taking the A6K to West Coast Customs today and it will be very interesting to see what the guys will do with it.  My guess is that it is going to be the loudest truck on Sunset Blvd as it blasts the Sponge Bob song. Gangsta.

Quinton “Rampage” Jackson came into the studio today.  He has his very own app out on the market that “measures the strength of your punch.”  I understand that there is a lot of development, and research that goes into such a scientific device, but when Rawdog gets a respectable score with his spaghetti arm girl punches, I become a bit suspicious. After the discussion about the app and all is wonderment the talk naturally turned to MMA, MMA fighters, and other MMA stuff. If your a die hard MMA fan then you should definatly catch the replay in the morning.

Gay rights was discussed on the show today also and Ellis, Tuly, and Josh would like to make shirts to support gay rights with the procedes going to the cause. The biggest question was, “What should they say?”  This was another shining moment for the EllisFam to flex and off they went. There were many great ideas, some funny, some gross, and some that I wish I never heard. It was great.  The favorite pick was “Maraige is gay” which came in strong at the end to win it all. Congratulations for wining nothing who ever you are but thank you for playing.

My phone app kept repeating the show right before final calls, but I’m sure I didn’t miss much.  It also appears that Crazy Slut Magazine is now on Twitter (Yes, I’ve been under a rock). I highly reccomend following them, unless your worried about seeing your mom on the cover. Don’t worry, it not Disgusting Vaginas With Syphilis Magazine, OH!

Show Re-cap For Wednesday 5/16/2012


Welcome to another late night edition of the Jason Ellis Show Re-Cap, tonight I am your host, Az_Redragon.  So just sit back and enjoy as you read this tale of excitement and woe.  I just realized that I’m not sure what woe means, who am I kidding? Heres the fucking recap that all you fucking fuckers fucking wanted. Damn, 4 fucks in one scentence, not bad. Someone had been stealing shit out of Jason’s truck at the apartments and hes getting tired of it, so tired that he wants to fight them all, at the same time.  He also said the the guys from West Coast Customs want to do some work on his truck.  As Tully said, the best thing they could do is put it back to stock, but how you gonna watch TV on a projection screen at the beach when its stock? That is whack!  They also talked about Ellis’s apperance on Dr Drews show and solidified his position as a Boobologist. 

The greatest ass in the world is probably attached to a girl you’ve never heard of and never will.  Otherwise the opinion on worlds greates ass is up for debate whether you like a bubble butt, flat ass, junk in the trunk, or just something to hang on to while your giving her the ol’ in n out. 

Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D came into the studio today and things seemed to start off a little rocky.  It seemed to take Jack and Kyle a minute to get used to Jason’s straight to the point hard ass interviewing but soon enough everyone fell into a groove and the interview slowly turned into Jack asking Jason about D!D!D!  He listened to a few songs and seemed genuinly impressed.  There might be an actual chance that Tenacious D and Death Death Die will do a show together.  This would be the greatest show sinse yer mum performed in the donkey show in Tijuana, you remember, its the one where the donkey wouldn’t stop crying, OH!

Show Re-cap For Tuesday 5/15/2012


Sounds like Jillian Reynolds’ (formerly Barberie) boss is now upset with Ellis because he was on KTLA and not their show, which is funny because Ellis has asked to be on Jillian’s show like 10 times and was turned down each time. Dumb Hollywood politics is apparently at play here. Fuck ‘em. Ellis wants to create his own collection line of shirts, patches, blankets, bed sheets, etc. Someone called up Andrea to brag that she was going to beat up Katie, and then people had to do their homework for school the next day. Whose some hot old chicks was a topic, Janice Dickinson and Martha Stewart were mentioned among others. Ellis admitted he would not be into dating an average looking person, only hot chicks – and he knows that will eventually lead to a lonely life. But, hey, I guess that’s why they sell ferns.

Not only has Obama come out in support of gay marriage, but so has Jay-Z, so go ahead and change the books. Rawdog was excited to bring a new segment to the show today, gadget talk. I like me some new technology, but I just knew Rawdog was going to pick some stupid shit, and sure enough he did – a fucking phone glove for instance. It turns out that Dingo may have little balls, he had to measure, I assume because it was a rather close call. A literal 12 year-old called into the show while eating a hotdog, and it appears he has kind of an a-hole for a mom. Ellis had told the kid that he probably shouldn’t be listening to the show because he’s too young. The kid was eating a hotdog, it wasn’t cold. Then the kid passed the phone to mom, who called the show “pathetic” and claimed she, nor her son listened to the show, and that they were eating hotdogs. She said her husband loves the show, brings home the bacon, and she gets to drive a nice car… and eat hotdogs. At any rate, she was annoying. Also, hotdogs. Today’s new music Tuesday wasn’t all that bad, certainly better than a lot of the previous ones. I missed pretty much the rest of the show, but I don’t think there was anything of major importance. Oh, wait. Hotdogs + you moms pussy = state fair corn dogs. You know, because of all that batter in her deep fryer of a pussy. OH!

VH1 Behind The Music: Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber


Preface: This was supposed to be published last Friday. It would have been funnier because the joke would have been more clear in everyone’s memory.  However, as you can see, it was not published Friday – so just try to remember…

Born just 6 hours, 6 minutes, and 6 seconds after his famous older twin brother, Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber’s life was tough from the very beginning. His beady-eyed Canadian mother Patricia Lynn “Fucktard” Mallette, was just 18 years old when she became pregnant with the Devil and his twin. The family soon realized just how “special” Nicholas was soon after delivery, he looked as if he had fallen from Heaven because his face was so fucked up. While doctors feverishly tried to mash his pliable forehead back into shape, they had forgotten about his eyes, and therein lies his signature look. A look that has only recently come to light and has also come to define him. Not much is known about Nicholas partly due to the families secrecy and the poor recording of medical records by the Canadians due to their beady eyes and lack of lighting in their tunnels. Other than a couple of alleged sightings, the Bieber family has kept this secret well hidden.

As Justin gained recognition and popularity with his first full-length studio album “My World 2.0″, Nicholas, who had always tried to emulate his twin brother, had planned his own studio album called “Uhhnnngg Cream Corn 18.11.042″ which was really just his family’s attempt to please Nicholas and his fits of rage, but was never really intended to be recorded or released. During one of these fake recording sessions, tragedy struck as Nicholas started biting everyone in the home studio that was setup for Justin and Usher to record and make out in. By this time, Nicholas was already a “family secret” and was never in the spotlight much less revealed to the public. Fans were shocked to even learn of his existence. None the less, Nicholas had actually managed to mash buttons until several songs were recorded and uploaded to YouPorn by accident. The songs, “Cream-Cream-Cream In My Corn” and “The Fart Dance” were used in conjunction with a 34 minute cumshot compilation featuring an unknown penis ejaculating into a bowl full of corn and a series of shots of anuses farting with cum squirting out. Not long after breaking into the mainstream world, Justin would start forming a relationship with Selena Gomez that grew as the days went by. Nicholas had watched this relationship blossom and along with feeling neglected and in the shadow of his twin brother, he felt it was time for him to start his own relationship. That is when he made Katrina Slowmez, a cardboard cutout of his famous brothers girlfriend. Nicholas proclaimed to his family and dolls that Katrina was pregnant and that they were expecting their first cardboard box, who was tentatively named “FedEx”.

A self-proclaimed fan of Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber, going by the name of @MumTard, who also claims to have a son named “Kevin” who is a fan of Nicholas as well, brought all of what is known today to light. To this day, this is as much as the world currently knows about Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber. It has helped to create as much controversy as it has brought information to light. It is also speculated that Nicholas may have been contacted by several groups in an effort to further his career. However, the Bieber family has denied all of these claims and to this day say nothing of Nicholas’s previous contributions or even his existence, citing “It is not a topic of discussion.” Will the world one day finally witness the genius of Nicholas “Cream Corn” Bieber or will he be a forgetten story in the Bieber history, only time will tell.